Special Ones

//Special Ones//

A note for random readers: This isn't exactly a very short or interesting post, don't read it unless you have a lot of patience...or unless your name is Terence Heng Joo Kuang.

I have to say I might not have made it out of the 4 years secondary school without this song. Ok, I am exaggerating, but this song really help me through some of the more difficult days in secondary school...

I can handle the school work pretty ok, I whinned a lot though, but at the end of the day, the school tests, the ace, and so on, these school work don't get to me emotionally very much.

What really sets me in a real bad mood is when a friend accuses me of something which I did not do...

Jeremy used to accuses me of backstabbing him once...which at that time, I felt that what I did wasn't a big deal...but since he felt it was...then so be it...I will do not it again...but I must say at the moment...I felt really mad and angry....so I listened to this song...

I was ashamed of my innocence
but now with clarity
I see that your bullshit is just not worthy of me
- George

Well, I am not exactly innocent...no one is...but the fav part of the song are those 2 lines..."now with clarity, I see that your bullshit is just not worthy of me"...

I always tell myself that I shouldn't let others' words or comments get to me so easily, if not I would be pissed like 365 days of the year...but it's always easier said and done...

I don't want to be angry....
I don't want to waste my time getting angry...
I don't want to be angry....
I don't want to be angry.... angry...angry....
This is not worthy of me
and now with clarity I see that I can walk away, I can walk away
- George

Listening to this part again and again make me less angry...cause seriously it is not worth it getting angry and ruining my day just cause of someone's comments..

And so...I thought after I passed out from St John, that I won't have to listen to this song anymore...cause I am pretty much non-existant in class...no chance for any conflict whatsoever...

But I was wrong...

So recently something happened...and for the 3rd time this week...I was listening to this song...

First time being the day which the squad outing was supposed to take place...got this msg from soon swee "i am pissed...job is pissed...rui yang is pissed...ming hao is pissed...kenneth is pissed...and terence is darn pissed...better don't talk to him...ming wei is gonna get it"

I wasn't mad or pissed that day, it was more like confusion? and yea...confusion...cause I was told by Ming Wei that the outing is still on, those online in that convo decided to keep it going, but I felt pretty sianz that shengjia is not coming, so I decided not to come...so I don't know why they are pissed or what exactly happened? Did they meet at the wrong place? or what?

Later that night, I talked to Mun Yung...he told me they were just foooling around when they sent that sms...felt better, at least they are not pisseed....but he told me terence was really pissed...which sends me into another confusion? What is he pissed at? Who is he pissed at?

After talking to Ying Cheng, realised he wasn't informed that Shengjia isn't coming, and Ming Hao and Zhenyu wasn't informed too. So I more or less understand why...he is pissed that no one told him that Sheng Jia is not coming...

So I tried to talk to him online that day to find out exactly what happened...and explain things (if it wasn't clear enough already), but he did not reply...so fair enough...I thought neeeded some time...

But during the class dinner, he made comments which pissed me off to no ends...comments like "Ming Hao昨天这么有心去了，结果生病今天不可以来.." (something to that extent)...I mean seriously, if you don't want to talk to me about what happened or tell what you feel, then stop being so bitchy. But if he choses to, then I have the right to be bitchy too..."如果你这么有心，你自己organise lor".

He wants to be mad that people never informed him, then why don't he organise it himself? Then he will be the one informing people. I say this cause from what I know from Ming Wei, all those online that night WAS informed that Sheng Jia wasn't coming, and they DID decide to carry on with the outing...but after knowing that Sheng Jia is not coming, quite a few of us backed out...and after Ying Cheng and I after decided not to come informed him too...so seriously I am still puzzled why he is pissed at that point...

That night, I had a talk with Ming Hao, realised what happened...and guess what I found out, Ming Hao knew that Shengjia is not coming! (so I guess that made Terence a liar?) And Ming Hao's theory as to why Terence is pissed is "he is excited about the outing, was the first person there, but went and saw so little people, thus he was pissed" Ming Hao was also not very happy because he wasn't informed that so few people coming...and he said he is mainly mad at Ming Wei. But I was thinking....those people online decided to CARRY ON with the outing...people decided to back out? So ming wei is at fault? Weird logic huh?

And I told Ming Hao that I did not inform him cause it would be ridiculous to inform everyone, so I just informed Mun Yung, who was going that day. and He agreed too..I mean you are going out with 10 people, you decided you don't want to go, so now you have to informed all 9 of the rest? Wouldn't it make more sense to inform one of them who was going to inform the rest? Furthermore, I informed terence personally, cause he might not want to go if he know that mingwei, me and ying cheng were all not going....so I still don't get why he is mad...

The second time this week I have to listen to this song was after reading Terence's blog entry...

He did not name names...but we all know who he is refering to....and just like before...I am still puzzled at why he is angry? So he is mad cause people decided not to go at the last minute? So he is mad at the people for not telling him they are not going? God knows...

The third time..which I have to listen to this song is now...Kai Herng just showed me a convo between Terence and him...and this really got me mad, pissed, disguested, hurt, sad, and the list goes on....for the matter of fact, I have been listening to this same song for the past 1 hour...

Terence says:
what convo?

[ SuPeRsIzEfRiEs ] //:- Iowa, USA: Woman finds dead baby turtle in package of freeze-dried coffee > says:
the convo to discuss plans for wednesday .. sjab

[ SuPeRsIzEfRiEs ] //:- Iowa, USA: Woman finds dead baby turtle in package of freeze-dried coffee > says:
with ppl like job inside, if i remember correctly

Terence says:
how come i wasnt invovled?

[ SuPeRsIzEfRiEs ] //:- Iowa, USA: Woman finds dead baby turtle in package of freeze-dried coffee > says:
u were inside

[ SuPeRsIzEfRiEs ] //:- Iowa, USA: Woman finds dead baby turtle in package of freeze-dried coffee > says:
i rmb u keep saying go changi airport...

Terence says:
oh that

Terence says:
okay

Terence says:
i remembered

[ SuPeRsIzEfRiEs ] //:- Iowa, USA: Woman finds dead baby turtle in package of freeze-dried coffee > says:
yah, so the others didnt seem interested in anything at all

Terence says:
but i also remembered at that time i didnt know that sheng jia wasnt coming

[ SuPeRsIzEfRiEs ] //:- Iowa, USA: Woman finds dead baby turtle in package of freeze-dried coffee > says:
or they didnt bother to respond

[ SuPeRsIzEfRiEs ] //:- Iowa, USA: Woman finds dead baby turtle in package of freeze-dried coffee > says:
i rmb mw announced it early in the convo

[ SuPeRsIzEfRiEs ] //:- Iowa, USA: Woman finds dead baby turtle in package of freeze-dried coffee > says:
he said smthing like "sj not coming leh.. so how?"

Terence says:
i only know it quite late

oooh...so Terence WAS IN THAT convo...so now I am wondering...whose fault is it that he didn't know that Sheng Jia is coming...so effectively the only person that has the right to be mad is Zhenyu then...

Terence says:
so no one bothered to tell me that the thing was canceleld

[ SuPeRsIzEfRiEs ] //:- Iowa, USA: Woman finds dead baby turtle in package of freeze-dried coffee > says:
seriously, i dont like this kind of "discrimination", against anyone

Terence says:
they expect me to assume

Terence says:
wow

Terence says:
i didnt know man has evovled to such a stage whereby we can communicate by telepathy

[ SuPeRsIzEfRiEs ] //:- Iowa, USA: Woman finds dead baby turtle in package of freeze-dried coffee > says:
i get your point now... so u are mad at no one not telling u that it was cancelled

Terence says:
the discirmination i can let it go

Terence says:
yes

Terence says:
i felt like a fool

so now that he knew he was informed that Sheng Jia is not coming...that it is his own fault that he don't know that Sheng Jia is not coming...he found another reason to be angry....he is angry that "no one told him that it is cancelled"...

So I guess Soon swee and co don't know it is cancelled? They don't...cause it is NOT cancelled! Yes, farewell for shengjia is cancelled..but the outing is not!!! Why else would they be all present? The only thing that happened is people decided not to come after Sheng Jia declared that he is not coming...

To terence: If you have trouble understanding what I typed above, let me repeat:
Farewell for Shengjia is cancelled!
Outing as a squad is NOT cancelled! (thus Soon Swee they all are present)
People decided not to come cause Shengjia not coming.
End of story.

Terence...you don't need to feel like a fool...you are already talking like one...

Terence says:
and do u know why minghao didnt attend the dinner

[ SuPeRsIzEfRiEs ] //:- Iowa, USA: Woman finds dead baby turtle in package of freeze-dried coffee > says:
oh... im really sorry bec if i knew that u didnt know, i would have told u...

[ SuPeRsIzEfRiEs ] //:- Iowa, USA: Woman finds dead baby turtle in package of freeze-dried coffee > says:
yes and mw should have told u if he knew u didnt know too

Terence says:
he's illness deterorated because he make a point to attend the outing

Terence says:
so everyone just assumed that we all knew

Terence says:
i would take that as insincerity, laziness and inconsiderate

Terence says:
i am d i s a p p o i n t e d

Yes, Terence, you need not be the spokesperson of Ming Hao...we all know...you may find it shocking but ming hao actually talks to me after the event...and helped me understand his POV...

and once again...this is a squad outing...let's say wenxuan decided not to come for the squad outing...he smsed Ming wei...and it became Ming Wei's responsibility to sms the whole world to announce that Wen Xuan decided not to come..

to terence: don't call people lazy or insincere if you won't do the same if you are put in that situation...I mean did you tell everyone that Ying Cheng and I are not going since we told him?

You are d i s a p p o i n t e d?
I am D I G U S T ED!

Terence says:
and kay siong rebutted to me that if you think everything is so easy, organise yourself

Terence says:
thats so irresponsible

Terence says:
i dont wish to talk to anyone of them for the time being

Terence says:
if u want, you can pass this convo ard

Terence says:
i am not angry at them

Terence says:
i had forgiven them

Terence says:
but i wont forget

To terence: I was being irresponsible at that moment when I said that, cause I said it at that moment of anger...but not now...since it was never my fault and totally YOUR FAULT that you did not see the msg in the convo...and the fact that the outing was never canaclled...just that people backed out....

and if you don't like what I said and find it irresponsible, then let me tell ya, that's pretty much how baseless and stupid and irresponsible most of your comments during that dinner are (since you refused to listen to us b4 making those comments)...from the duno wad "so 4A haf class spirit sjab dun haf" to the minghao comment...to even your comments on KH blog...

so to terence, you have forgiven but you won't fotget....then let me tell you I have not forgiven you for ruining 3 of my days and making all these accusations...and I certainly will not forget too..

Terence says:
i dont blame any particular person

Terence says:
i blame whoever is in charge

Terence says:
and i say that because i dont even know who's in charge

Terence says:
because that person dont even make it a point to let me know that he's in charge

Erm...has it ever occured to that tiny brain of yours that no one is actually in charge?

To terence: Sheng Jia is going away....I (not in the position of of CSM)...thought that as a squad we should have some sort of farewell for him..which I am sure being the selfish person that you are never thought about it....so I called for everyone to meet to discuss...and we did reach the decision as a squad...

after that...Sheng jia can't come...ming wei tried to inform everyone since shengjia only told him...people online decided as a squad again to continue with the outing...people backed out as individuals.....etc...there never was a person in charge to start with...I inititated the meeting to discuss cause I care...so now that makes me responsible for every single shit that goes on? Including informing everyone before hand who is coming who is not?

Bullshit.

Terence says:
i am not the only one who is mad abt this

Terence says:
minghao is as well

Stop talking on the behalf of ming hao, you are not his spokesperson...I have talked to him...he is not that mad...

Terence says:
and i dont like kay siong's attitude

Terence says:
he still thinks that he is above every one of us just ebcause he was our chairman and CSM?

Terence says:
i aint sure abt the reason

Terence says:
but i dont see why he thinks he can order ppl ard

Terence says:
i dont like that

[ SuPeRsIzEfRiEs ] //:- Iowa, USA: Woman finds dead baby turtle in package of freeze-dried coffee > says:
i dont think he thinks that he is high up bec of CSM/chairman or anything, maybe just bec he's really frustrated at organising the class events + maybe u blaming him...im not saying u dont have a case to blame him, but im just saying lets stop this whole thing...

This part is what pissed me off the most...he ain't sure why I think I am above everyone...you wanna noe why? Cause I am not thinking that way...which is probably why you can't find a reason...

I order people around? Huh? Raise your hands those that I ordered around?

Wow...just now he talked about people assuming that he knew...now he is assuming...what a hypocrite....oh...and all the talk about marks not important at all....figures are not important....and viola! a post about getting 1.00...such a hypocrite...greatest irony of the day! A hypocrite accusing others of being hypocrite!

and thanks kai herng, for knowing me well enough or at least bothering to get to know me...

To terence: I was frustrated at ming wei for not helping that day...frustrated at terence for not helping (I mean for god sakes...what has you done as a monitor other than switching off the lights?) And I'm sure he would say "Well..you didn't ask me to help..." but if I do asked...I'm sure you would complain that "I don't understand why Kay Siong think he can boss me around just cause he is the chairman..." Well...of course as a part of the CMC...and being the monitor exempt you from all other jobs other than switching off the lights and shouting "class stand and class bow"

But I mean Jiexun helped with the class t shirt design...Ming Wei helped with caling the class to find out when they are free....Kai herng helped with the collection of money....I helped to call and invite the teachers (which was frustrating when no one wants to answer the damn phone) and book the place, or for the matter of fact tried to find a chalet though it didn't amount to anything and so on...what have you done?

Before you accused anyone of being lazy...look in the mirror....

Seriously after reading his blog entry, and that conversation, I am seriously wondering who is acting high and mighty....

But look on the bright side...Terence has been acting this way since I knew him in secondary 1, at least he is staying true to himself in this sense....

To the readers: If you bother to finish reading the whole thing, you sure have a lot of patience...let's hope this is the first and last post...which is all about me ranting at someone...

And one last note to terence (since you don't feel like talking): I do treasure the friendship between you, me, ying cheng and ming wei, and if you have no intentions of patching up or talking things through other than through tag boards or blogs, do let me me know one way or another, so that we (me yc n mw) can stop waiting...

I mean I am mad that you are making all these baseless accusations and comments why? Cause you refuse to talk. So you have not intentions to talk at all...do let us know :)

To end off:
So rather than being kicked around, I'm going to kick you to the curb
So rather than being pushed around, I'm going to push you away first
So rather than trying to protect you, I'm going to cover my basses first
So rather than trying to open my heart, I'm going to lock it with a key
So that only the special ones, can ever get through to me...
- George