喜欢寂寞

我喜欢一个人躲在图书馆。
没在读书，只是发发白日梦，思考人生。

我喜欢坐在HSS图书馆三楼靠窗的位子。
没在做tutorial, 只是看看天上的云，看白天和黑夜的交错。

我喜欢寂寞。
不，我喜欢掩饰寂寞。

而图书馆就是掩饰寂寞最好的地方。

印度

大家总是说，人生若是要活得精彩，就应该活在当下，千万不要留有任何遗憾。

当下的我，真的真的非常想去印度走一趟。但最终我还是选择了熟悉的宝岛台湾。朋友的临阵退缩成了我去不成印度的借口。但我想，终究还是要怪我自己过不了自己这一关。

对我来说，一个人的旅行并不孤单寂寞，反而多了份自由和洒脱。但是在一个这么无拘无束的情况下，反而会发现面对真情流露的自己比面对他人来得更艰难。我不需要天天硬逼自己带着笑脸迎人，也不必刻意隐藏心中任何的不悦，但我就是不习惯这样的自己。对我而言，封闭始终比释放来得容易。

我依然非常遗憾这一次无法到印度去，但在我找到勇气面对真实的自己之前，我也只能活在遗憾中。

印度，我一定要在毕业之前征服你。

我回来了

迷路了六个月，我终于回来了。

这一次，我务必要找会我对华文的热忱。

Contented

I haven't felt this carefree (travelling aside) and contented with my life in a long while.

Thanks pancakes. :)

Are You Lost?

I think I am.

Since ORD, I've been to quite a few places, did quite a lot of things, in school, out of school.

But I still feel as lost as ever.

Maybe even more so.

Epic Journey Part 3: Vietnam (Ho Chi Minh City)

Yes, there's finals coming I know. But I'm bored from all the mugging, and inspired by Chi Weng's blog entries on the trip, I decided to continue with my "moment of the day" and "photo of the day" entry for my epic trip.

Day 6: Crossing the road in Vietnam for the first time without getting killed.









For those who went to Vietnam before, you'd know how crazy the roads there are. For those who haven't been to Vietnam, the photos say it all. And for some reason, Chi Weng and I decided to cross the road to go to the centre of the roadabout just to take pictures! That marks the first time we crossed the 6-7 lane roads in Vietnam on our own! Before that, we always tagged behind some locals.

I can only say, I'm glad we are still alive.

Day 7: SB22!



This is a rather interesting day at Cu Chi Tunnel and all that, but seeing the SB22 at the Reunification Palace really amused me. So much for 3G army huh?

Day 8: Cab ride from hell



Last day in Ho Chi Minh, and the two of us were making our way to the train station to catch our 17 hour train ride to Danang. This cab ride is scary on so many different levels. Firstly, the crazy jam makes me really worried that we will miss our train ride. Secondly, the way the bikes just squeezed all around us is really scary too. But the worst has got to the be the taxi meter. It NEVER stopped ticking. I swear my heart is ticking along with the meter. Uber scary.

In the end, a 20 min taxi ride cost us around S$36. And no, the taxi driver didn't cheat our money by going in circles cause I had my map in hand and I was tracking the route he was taking.

Now for the photos of the day...

Day 6: Centre of Attraction (a photo that almost cost our lives)


Day 7: The Mobile Radio Section


Day 8: Signallers at Work! (familiar not?)


There's 2 other rather interesting photos that I want to share, those are the "Word of the Day" for Day 7 and "Quote of the Day" for day 8...

Day 7 Word of the Day: Vietmization


Day 8 (Quote of the Day): Photographers

月亮忘记了

最近看了几米的书「月亮忘记了」，感触很深。几米的画笔，画出了变化无常的美丽，让我体会现实的残酷与幸福的易逝，让我读了有一种莫名的悲伤。其中一句话令我印象深刻。“快乐才刚开始，悲伤却早已潜伏而来。”快乐，就如它的名字一样，真的是来得快也走得快的欢乐。那么短暂的时光，如果不去珍惜，一直认为还有明天，也只会有后悔。

书中也提到“生命中，不断有人离开或进入。于是看见的，看不见了；记得的，遗忘了。生命中，不断地有得到和失落。于是看不见的，看见了；遗忘的，记得了。”它主要的意思是人生变化无常，今天看到的景物，明天可能就不见了，现在坐在你身旁的同学，十年后，回忆只会像一地微微晃动的迷离树影。当你有一天记起往时时，遗忘的，记得了，看不见的，似乎也感觉到了。

I wrote this when I was in secondary 2 as part of a speech I was supposed to make during assembly.

I miss being able to write like that.

Epic Journey Part 2: Cambodia (Phnom Penh)

Studying Biz Law alone in the library is not fun. So I decided to continue with my epic journey journal logs! So for the moment of the day...

Day 4: Staring at the guest book at Tuol Sleng Genocide Museum (S21 Prison) for so so long, not knowing what to pen down...









People familiar with the history of Cambodia, esp the Khmer Rouge should know roughly what happened during that period from 1975 to 1979. However, reading about it, and seeing it is two very different things.

What really moved me about this museum (which used to be the S21 torture prison during the Khmer Rouge) is that it really appeals to the emotions of the visitor. More than just showing pictures and statistics, there were a lot of personal stories of individuals (and their families), who were tortured under the Khmer Rouge, and of people who were working under them. It made me realised that it really didn't matter whose side you are on, everyone suffers.

And of course the gloomy weather that day added to the gloominess of the place.

So yes, I really did sit there, looking at the guest book (for visitors to fill in their thoughts), reading the entries written by other visitors, and finally penning down my thoughts after I spent a long time thinking.

Day 5: Chilling at Number 9 Sister Guesthouse, listening to the rainfall.





As you can see in the pictures, the guesthouse I stayed at in Phnom Penh is on a lake (and it only cost USD$5 per night for 2 people!). And among all the places I went for this trip, Phnom Penh is the only place where I would unsafe going out at night. That's why we decided to just spend the night at our guesthouse.

A banana milkshake, a comfortable chair, a nice movie, light drizzle, that's the perfect combination for a chillax lazy night.

Now for the photos of the day...

Day 4: 背影


Day 5: Chi Weng & Kay Siong on a tuk tuk!

Epic Journey Part 1: Cambodia (Siem Reap)

It's been so so long since I last wrote something in this space. I kind of miss writing, not that I can write very well to start with. I must admit it feels kind of sexy to be typing this entry on my new macbook, it's almost like Julie (from "Julie and Julia") typing her daily blog entries, or Betty (from "Ugly Betty").

But I digress.

I know this is kind of long overdue, and it is kind of weird to be doing this now at this kind of unearthly hours, but I guess that's what 3ams do to people. I thoroughly enjoyed my 23 days trip with chiweng and I though it deserved at least an entry in this space. But learning from my mistake from the Japan trip, which I foolishly assumed that I would be so inspired by the trip that I would immediately blog abt it when I return, I decided to keep travel journal this time round.

There were lots of downtime where we would just sit down, order a drink and chill. These were the best moments for me to consolidate my thoughts and pen them down. Reading those entries now brought me back to the exact moment when I wrote them. Knowing that I would be too lazy to type out all 23 entries, I decided to capture a moment of the day in each entry, so here goes...

Day 1: Sitting down at Khmer Kitchen after a long morning to enjoy some superb Khmer curry



We touched down in Siem Reap around 7am, and we spent most part of the morning walking around exploring the area. Come lunch time, we were both starving, thirsty, and tired (esp with the hot sun). So we were trying to look for a place to eat when we pass by "Khmer Kitchen" and we saw 3 groups of natives inside.

And before I continue, let me just define some of the terms which may be quite confusing. By "natives", I was refering to Singaporeans. Chiweng and I love to people-watch, and our favourite past-time over there was to attempt to identify the nationality of tourists. And being signallers, we came up with this set of codewords so that it won't be THAT obvious that we are talking about them. So...

Natives = Singaporeans
Neighbours = Malaysians
Tom Yum = Thais
Sushi = Japanese
Kim Chi = Koreans
Dim Sum = Hongkees

We were hopeless at guessing what countries the ang mohs were from, so we didn't even bother coming up with codewords for them.

Back to the natives, so we saw a whole bunch of natives inside Khmer Kitchen, we figured the food can't be that bad and we went in. I was glad we did cause the curry was probably one of the best (if not the best) curry I had during the trip (and mind you I had A LOT of curry during the trip).

Day 2: Epic tuna bread lunch on top of Phimeanakas







Angkor Wat was impressive, and the sheer age of the ancient ruins made it such a epic place to have a picnic lunch. I admit the reason why we bought tuna and bread and brought it along was because we were afraid that food prices there would be severely inflated considering it's a major tourist attraction (we were wrong by the way). But since we brought it, we might as well eat it right?

Phimeanakas is one of the tallest temple that can be climbed, and having this tuna with bread lunch on top of it felt...familiar. We were both sweaty and tired by the time we reach the top, and eating that tuna (which is the exact same brand as the one in the combat rations pack) in this kind of condition felt exactly like outfield (less the camou cream). But still, it was a rather nice moment.

Day 3: The ultra durable camera





We decided to rent a bicycle on the third day to explore places that are slightly out of walking distance. As you can see in the picture, all my belongings are in the basket in front. I put my camera right on top for convenience sake because I would stop to take pictures whenever I see something interesting. By now, you should know what happened to the camera. It was a really really hot day and we spotted this aircon coffee joint, so we decided to chill there for a while. On the way there, I probably hit some rocks or something that caused the camera to fly out of the basket (I screamed while it did), it landed right in front of my bicycle, and my bicycle wheel went right over it (that's when I screamed even louder).

Apart from the moment of the day, I also chose a photo of the day for each day. It may be a nice photo taken from a interesting angle, or just a funny photo in general.

Day 1: Watching the day fade away...


Day 2: Kay Siong, Chi Weng, S3, DYS3 & S3 Spec


Day 3: Writing journal at 8th Street Bar

Missing You

After seeing wilson's tweet about the class blog, I decided to pay it a visit...and there's so much I miss about school...

I miss stoning at the class bench.
I miss playing bridge at the class bench, and doing so without getting caught.
I miss the mad run I had to do every morning to make it in time to flag raising.
I miss spending HOURS at the class bench each time after a major exam to decide where we should go.
I miss sleeping at the class bench.
I miss mango madness on fridays (and it's not even that nice)
I miss all the dinners we usually have on fridays, from bukit timah food cetnre to newton circus.
I miss going to comm serve every week (tho I always secretly complain and whine in my heart, I always end up enjoying the time there)
I miss the dinners/sweet talks/old chang kee we had after each comm serve
I miss the mugging sessions all around singapore's food courts.
I miss ponning pointless events like sports meet together, while trying to evade the npccs.
I miss the stayovers and kbox sessions.
I miss all my classmates.

And meeting up with quite a few of platoon mates this couple of days also triggered some memories of my 1.5 years in hell hole too...

I miss eating 6 packs of maggie noddles in 3 days...
I miss doing my tuition work by the window looking into the battalion square
I miss the few dine-ins we had during nights-out (pasta mania...and who can forget the awful jing zhen tou)
I miss eating good food during nights-out with good company.
I miss "meow-ing" my favourite cat.
I miss moobie's moobs.
I miss eating chong pang nasi lemak after each major outfield exercise.
I miss taking afternoon naps, knowing that you have no more activities for the rest of the day.
I miss all the pseudo intelligent talks we tried to have, on topics like pre marital sex.
I miss openly despising our papa sierra.
I miss watching crap tv on a weekday afternoon while doing the duty signaller duty.
I miss garlic chicken balls.
I miss red bean dumpling (shoot me please).
I miss my platoon mates (most of them anyway).

Owe Money

Seeing that CNY is coming (in fact it's CNY now), I decided to try to clear all my debts, and collect back all the money people owe me.

So I called Clarence to collect back some Jap yen he owes me, but he didn't pick up. He smsed me to ask me what's up.

Me:
"Haha..nevermind, wanted to ask if you have ibnaking to transfer the money, cause better not owe over the new year, but Nevermind la"

Chio:
"Ahhhh its ok maybe i return with kh when we meet up? Legend says owe money cannot owe guo nian (only applicable to RMB, NTD, SGD, Rm, as well as currencies of countries that have a population comprising >60% of ethnic chinese) so not applicable to yen dont worryyy!"

Happy CNY and Happy Valentines' Day!

Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough

Now I don't want to lose you
But I don't want to use you
Just to have somebody by my side

And I don't want to hate you
I don't want to take you
But I don't want to be the one to cry

That don't really matter to anyone anymore.
But like a fool I keep losing my place
And I keep seeing you walk through that door

But there's a danger in loving somebody too much
And it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are
Baby, sometimes love just ain't enough

Now I could never change you
I don't want to blame you
Baby you don't have to take the fall

Yes I may have hurt you
but I did not desert you
Maybe I just want to have it all

It makes a sound like thunder it makes me feel like rain
And like a fool who will never see the truth
I keep thinking something's gonna change

And there's a danger in loving somebody too much
And it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are
Baby, sometimes, love just ain't enough
Baby, sometimes, love... it just ain't enough

- Patty Smyth & Don Henley

Growing Up

So I went back to school today, both high school and jc.

As much as I'm still grateful towards some of my teachers for what they've done for me, I'm just not comfortable with seeing them, at least not 1 to 1. To me, they may be that one great teacher, but to them, I'm probably just one of their many students who've graduated. So I don't want to show up unexpectedly, and let the conversation drift into a "so how's life" kind of thing with awkward silences in between. That's why I always prefer to look for teachers when I'm in a group, at least I wouldn't need to be mentally drained to think of ways to keep the conversation going.

But that's beside the point.

So yes, I went back to chinese high, mainly to see my st john juniors (who are so so so much younger than me) train for zone comp. According to jeremy, the trainers are cui (in content knowledge as well as ability to teach). Hence, the trainees are cui.

But yea, unlike him, I wasn't really there to help improve the situation. I always remember when I was a trainer and trainee, I hated it when seniors (who have graduated) come back. Aside from the pressure I get with them around, I just think different people have different training styles, so by having inputs from so many people, it actually makes matters worse. So I went just to take a look and show some moral support.

I must say for that short duration I was there, it really brought back a lot of memories. I must say as a trainee, I was never confident in my own abilities then, but with support from the team mates, a lot of hardwork and some luck, we managed to pulled through, which is why the current batch of comp team reminded me of our batch in a lot of ways. I saw a lot of uncertainty in them, a major lack of confidence, but I also some glimpses of determination and the desire to want to do better. I hope with that, they can go a long way, regardless of the outcome of the competition.

I was much more confident in the position of a trainer than trainee. I really did believe in my ability in teaching and inspiring them. I don't know how much of my long and naggy commentaries (after each case or footdrill procedure) actually went into their head, but I tried to give constructive comments that really help them improve. And it was really far more satisfying seeing the team I trained got champion for national comp, than getting the 2nd runner up myself. So yes, my point is, the trainers are very important too. And I cannot disagree with Jeremy's comments about the trainers from what I see yesterday. Oh well, I can only hope for the best.

And yes, the main reason for me going back school yesterday was for the J1 orientation, which wasn't any of our business actually, but considering how free I am, I went back with some of my classmates.

Seeing the JC1s being so enthusiastic and all that, made me feel...(I won't say old) jealous. There they are, the most exciting and packed 2 years of their life about to commence, and here I am, with those 2 years gone, and possibly the most miserable 2 years of my life over too, I'm looking at a year of working and earning $$ and all that. I am not denying it can be quite an experience depending on the jobs, but it's just all these jobs applications, overseas trips with friends, keeping track of my own accounts, the 21st birthday parties and all that, that make me feel like I'm being pushed into the adulthood, and that I'm actually growing up. No more fun school life, no more oppressive and depressing army life, this is it.

And it is the inevitability of it all that makes it slightly unsettling.

Looking ahead, the year will be all about working, going on trips, and eventually university. But I guess to sum it all up, the year ahead will be all about growing up.

I've lots of growing up to do.

Japan & Taiwan

Wow, it's been quite a while.

So...I'm back from Japan and Taiwan! (though this is like...1 month old news).

The Japan trip was pretty....surreal, looking back now. To quote chuanhan/xinwei who said this on the first day of the trip at changi airport, "when we look back, it will be like a dream".

I still remember chuan han, xinwei and I were like "we're going japan!" every 10 minutes all the way from changi airport to KL airport to Narita airport. We couldn't believe it was actually happening, and for me, it was especially weird, considering I was still in camp 2 days before that. I was like "2 days ago, I was in mandai hill, now, I'm in Japan!"

So 12 days flew by just like that. It was fun...and tiring...considering how early we wake up and how late we sleep, and more importantly, how much we walk! But every moment of it was worth it. I especially love the cold yet sunny weather in Japan, the weather's almost too perfect for me. I will also remember the Japanese people and their impeccable dress sense. And Mt Fuji which looks unreal, I mean seriously, it looks EXACTLY like your postcard pictures.

Then came Taiwan.

Compared to Japan, there was no novelty factor for me, so it didn't feel like a holiday trip as much, it was more like a "going-home" trip to me. Everything around seems so familiar, and I know it's cliche, but it almost felt like I never left 3 years ago. But I'm glad I managed to go to a lot of places I wanted to go the other time but did not have a chance. So admist all the familiarity, there were refreshing stuff too.

I especially enjoyed the day I went to CKS Memorial Hall alone, it felt liberating, especially when I'm standing in Zi You Guang Chang alone, just taking in the sights and enjoying a moment to myself. And finding the North Gate finally was a highlight for me too, cause it was something I read about, and have been wanting to go, so though it may not be spectacular or grand, it was still very satisfying to see it with my own eyes (esp since it's so hard to find). I will also be forever thankful for the you ma ma, you ba ba, zhi qun and meng han's hospitality.

And despite it being my 2nd trip to Taiwan, there are still so many places I want to go! So yes, I will be going Taiwan again...sometime in the distant future...

And I wanted to write about what happened in Jan...my job seeking experience etc, but since it's so late...I shall leave it for another time, when the mood strikes (which is rare nowadays).

Quotes Of The Century

Wanted to blog about my Japan trip before I fly to Taiwan, but really too much things to do and too little time. So I will just post some funny quotes from Japan.

Kai Herng: I'm the neatest in my family.

Chuan Han: Clarence, your mum is very skinny one right?
Clarence: Yea, like me.

Kai Herng: Palette town is Ash's hometown right? From pokemon?
Chuan Han: Pokemon is real huh?

Ok...off to Taiwan!