I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For

//I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For//

After years of expensive education
A car full of books and anticipation
I'm an expert on Shakespeare and that's a hell of a lot
But the world don't need scholars as much as I thought
- Jamie Cullum (Twentysomething)

I have been slacking the past 2 days. I stuck with Government's policy of "5 Day week" which equates to "No homework" weekend for me too...so I didn't do any work this weekend as usual...and I didn't even go out...stuck at home for full 2 days (ok I did go out for lunch today...and to buy some stationary..but tt don't count right?)...so I've full 2 days to stone at home and think (*gasp..kaysiong got a brain?!? he thinks??!?)...

Sometimes I wonder why do we study so hard...study for tests...do tutorials on time....actually I don't even think I'm working very hard...I mean I still have time to spare...like I can totally don't do work during weekend...I can stay back in school to play bridge everyday...I still have time for TV watching and downloading of shows...apparently mann seems shocked on wed when i told her i'm gonna go home and watch "American Idol"...she asked "you still have time to watch TV?"

To me, I will have the time if I want to do it. I want to watch "American Idol", so I will make time for it. Have I finish my PI at that time? Hell no, but to me, watching "American Idol" is more important to my well-being (lol...hmm..) so I chose to watch "American Idol" rather than do my PI. It's just a matter of whether you can let it go and don't see everything with equal importance. Like right now, my chem tutorial which needs to be done by tomorrow is lying on the table staring at me, but here I am blogging...cause I choose to.

On fri...didn't go for TKD training...instead went back for SJAB training...felt like I have to somehow...ended up sitting in front of blk C and talking with yunsong n meng...and I was telling them how I feel very much at ease with the pace of my life right now...i work hard in sch everyday...i slack at home every night (i've been sleeping at shocking times lately...like 9pm 10pm+...*gasp)..i get enough sleep...i go out during weekends...do something meaningful once a week like going for comm serve...applied for some job attachment that i'm interested in...i don't feel really stressed out by any subjects right now...don't have relationship problems (i mean how can there be relationship problems when there isn't even a relationship to start with)....i admit i'm not coping too well with my maths...but i seriously don't feel too stressed out (maybe i will the day before the test).....

in general i'm a happy boy.

Happy? Ok maybe not a good word...cause there's just something missing from my life...and I just can't pinpoint it...

Admist all the work during weekdays...I hardly have time to think about this kinda stuff...but when I do...it does struck me that my life seems a bit aimless and pointless...which is why I love to keep myself busy with work...it stops my mind from wondering to stuff like this or depressing stuff which i shan't elaborate..

What's the sense of trying hard to find your dreams
Without someone to share it with
Tell me what does it mean?
- Whitney Houston (Run To You)

At first, I did think it may be the void in my love life that is causing this feeling of emptiness...(lol...sounds so wrong...)...afterall...people around me seems to be all getting attached...and they are literally glowing and radiating happiness everyday...(ok..maybe i exaggarated)....Maybe I do need someone who I can share my ups and downs with...someone to occupy my mind when I stone...but "喜欢的人不出现，出现的人不喜欢"....and seriously after really thinking about it, it's not like having that special someone at this point of my life is gonna make that big a difference...I've got friends whom I can talk to...whom I can care for...and friends who can go out and play mahjong with me...so maybe it's not that afterall....

Love ain't the answer, nor is work
The truth elludes me so much it hurts
But I'm still having fun and I guess that's the key
I'm a twentysomething and I'll keep being me
-Jamie Cullum (Twentysomething)

I guess I should really continue to just have fun...and stop thinking so much...a week full of holidays coming up....and no plans made yet...how pathetic....I want mahjong! I want KBox! I want movies! I want bowling! I want pool! Maybe I should go clubbing...lol...ok..maybe not...Let me see...I should be able to go out on Mon after school..Tue maybe but not till too late...Thur after Sports meet...and fri...should start planning my week now...

I love this song by U2...pretty old song I think...but a good song nonetheless...

I have run I have crawled
I have scaled these city walls
These city walls Only to be with you

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
- U2 (I still haven't found what I'm looking for)