//Rest In Peace//
Yep, she has moved on. She passed away around 12.30 pm yesterday, about an hour after we left.
Rest in peace...
Met a 26 year old patient today. Brain tumour. Diagnosed in 2004, one of the later stages already, nothing the doctor can do except symptom control.
Can't talk, can't eat (need to rely on tube feeding), lies in bed the whole day, the only way of communication with family is through simple gestures like nodding and so on, and also through sms. His head is very bloated (due to the medication)
He was a very healthy person before and even when he was diagnosed with cancer, runs everyday, loves to cycle, even went Malaysia for mountain biking before. There wasn't even much obvious symptoms, except some headaches, etc. He was left with half a year before he can graduate from university when he had to go for the brain operation, sadly, he had not graduated, and is unable to carry on with his studies with his condition like that now.
If there's anything that the attachment did, it deters me from becoming joining the Singapore Cancer Society or some similiar organisations like that in the future. Can you imagine meeting patients like the one I just mentioned above everyday? Like the nurse told us, it's depressing stuff everyday, that's why they need to take leave and go on holidays once every few month...to get out of this depressing life.
Block test suddenly seems to be so not important now...in fact preparation for block tests is still non-existant.
Can't wait for Interact BBQ...FOOOOOOOD!!
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Live Like You Were Dying
//Live Like You Were Dying//
This entry is dedicated to her...
Attachment at Singapore Cancer Society started yesterday. First 3 days are home visits, 2 of us were attached to a nurse and we followed her around to for all the home visits for the cancer patients.
First patient...she wasn't in the nurse's schedule for the day, but her family member called the society and requested that the nurse go down to take a look cause she's been suffering from constipation. So we went down to her house.
She was lying on her bed, literally stoning. She's got lung cancer and it had already spread to other parts of the body, so apparently the tumour was pressing on some nerves, thus she is considered paralysed. I believe she still know what's happening around her cause when the nurse ask her to open her mouth and so on, she can follow simple instructions, but she totally cannot move herself and talk etc.
So the nurse settled the constipation problem...other than the fact that she's a bit dazed and paralysed, she actually seems pretty ok, as in she still seems very much alive.
Today, the nurse received a call from the family again. So we went down again. After 4 years in St John, I always wonder how the symptom "gasping for air" look like, well today I finally saw it for myself. She wasn't in much distress, but she was indeed gasping for air.
When we arrived at the house, the scene was very familiar. Quite a few of her family (as in not immediate family) are there, all her children are present (except one who cannot be contacted). We entered her room. It was filled with Buddhist chanting kind of music. Both her son and daughter's eyes are red, apparently they had been crying. Then I remembered what it reminded me of...the day my grandma passed away...exact same scene (just that my grandma already passed way by the time I reached home)..I still remember receiving that sms "ah siang gu gu here, grandma passed away, don't panick, just come home after school", and I was with Kai Herng that time in the Staff room.
The nurse took her pulse, blood pressure, etc...look at all her symptoms, and told the family members "not optimistic". She feels very cold (according to the nurse, apparently the blood are all flowing back to the heart to sustain it?), and also for the first time, I finally saw how cyanosis looked on the finger nail, and we didn't even have to test for capillary refill, cause it's blue black to start with. All these symptoms, according to the nurse, simply means that the end is near.
It really struck me, I mean the day before she looked fine etc, the very next day she's dying?
The nurse was telling her eldest daughter (23 years old) to be mentally prepared, prepare the photos and stuff, and it is then that she realised that her mum didn't specify what photo to use and lots of stuff, "她什么都没有交代，只是叫我要照顾弟弟妹妹"...I guess it really came as a shock...
He said I was in my early forties
with a lot of life before me
when a moment came that stopped me on a dime
and I spent most of the next days
looking at the x-rays
Talking about the options
and talking bout sweet time
- Tim McGraw (Live Like You Were Dying)
And the saddest thing is she only discovered she got lung cancer back in March this year. And she's really young, at most at most 50? Her youngest son is only 16. It's just depressing to see her son and daughters crying, especially her 2nd daughter (the one that cannot be contacted initially), who was really crying like mad like in those drama serials and keep calling to her mum for some response.
I asked the nurse how long does she think the patient will last, and she said it should be about hours to day, and she emphasized that she say "day" or "days".
Life's really unpredictable...in a matter of just 2 months after her diagnosis, her condition has already worsen so much...seriously...you never know when this may happen to you or the people around you, it's just so unpredictable. For all you know, the building may just collapsed now or something and I'll be dead.
This song never meant so much to me as it did today...
I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter
and I gave forgiveness I'd been denying
and he said someday I hope you get the chance
To live like you were dying
- Tim McGraw (Live Like You Were Dying)
May a miracle happen...let it happen please...
This entry is dedicated to her...
Attachment at Singapore Cancer Society started yesterday. First 3 days are home visits, 2 of us were attached to a nurse and we followed her around to for all the home visits for the cancer patients.
First patient...she wasn't in the nurse's schedule for the day, but her family member called the society and requested that the nurse go down to take a look cause she's been suffering from constipation. So we went down to her house.
She was lying on her bed, literally stoning. She's got lung cancer and it had already spread to other parts of the body, so apparently the tumour was pressing on some nerves, thus she is considered paralysed. I believe she still know what's happening around her cause when the nurse ask her to open her mouth and so on, she can follow simple instructions, but she totally cannot move herself and talk etc.
So the nurse settled the constipation problem...other than the fact that she's a bit dazed and paralysed, she actually seems pretty ok, as in she still seems very much alive.
Today, the nurse received a call from the family again. So we went down again. After 4 years in St John, I always wonder how the symptom "gasping for air" look like, well today I finally saw it for myself. She wasn't in much distress, but she was indeed gasping for air.
When we arrived at the house, the scene was very familiar. Quite a few of her family (as in not immediate family) are there, all her children are present (except one who cannot be contacted). We entered her room. It was filled with Buddhist chanting kind of music. Both her son and daughter's eyes are red, apparently they had been crying. Then I remembered what it reminded me of...the day my grandma passed away...exact same scene (just that my grandma already passed way by the time I reached home)..I still remember receiving that sms "ah siang gu gu here, grandma passed away, don't panick, just come home after school", and I was with Kai Herng that time in the Staff room.
The nurse took her pulse, blood pressure, etc...look at all her symptoms, and told the family members "not optimistic". She feels very cold (according to the nurse, apparently the blood are all flowing back to the heart to sustain it?), and also for the first time, I finally saw how cyanosis looked on the finger nail, and we didn't even have to test for capillary refill, cause it's blue black to start with. All these symptoms, according to the nurse, simply means that the end is near.
It really struck me, I mean the day before she looked fine etc, the very next day she's dying?
The nurse was telling her eldest daughter (23 years old) to be mentally prepared, prepare the photos and stuff, and it is then that she realised that her mum didn't specify what photo to use and lots of stuff, "她什么都没有交代，只是叫我要照顾弟弟妹妹"...I guess it really came as a shock...
He said I was in my early forties
with a lot of life before me
when a moment came that stopped me on a dime
and I spent most of the next days
looking at the x-rays
Talking about the options
and talking bout sweet time
- Tim McGraw (Live Like You Were Dying)
And the saddest thing is she only discovered she got lung cancer back in March this year. And she's really young, at most at most 50? Her youngest son is only 16. It's just depressing to see her son and daughters crying, especially her 2nd daughter (the one that cannot be contacted initially), who was really crying like mad like in those drama serials and keep calling to her mum for some response.
I asked the nurse how long does she think the patient will last, and she said it should be about hours to day, and she emphasized that she say "day" or "days".
Life's really unpredictable...in a matter of just 2 months after her diagnosis, her condition has already worsen so much...seriously...you never know when this may happen to you or the people around you, it's just so unpredictable. For all you know, the building may just collapsed now or something and I'll be dead.
This song never meant so much to me as it did today...
I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter
and I gave forgiveness I'd been denying
and he said someday I hope you get the chance
To live like you were dying
- Tim McGraw (Live Like You Were Dying)
May a miracle happen...let it happen please...
Saturday, May 27, 2006
Taekwondo
//Taekwondo//
The competition's over.
The yellow belts didn't win anything. Results was quite expected actually, but no doubt we still feel disappointed. For me, it's not really cause we didn't win anything, since we didn't expect to win anything in the first place (for the team ponsei (sp?) tt is), but I'm more disappointed cause we could have if we had train harder.
Our morale was pretty low right from the beginning because we just couldn't coordinate at all at first, and it only start to get slightly better at the last 2 training. We keep telling ourselves we are screwed, we can't win (which is actually true based on our performance during normal training), so I guess you can call it a self-fulfulling prophecy. We didn't even have any additional self-training, and we didn't even train that hard during normal training. We did work a little bit harder during the last 2 training, but I guess all was too late.
The sad thing is, the participants for yellow belt is so little as compared to the other belt level. That's why I said the team could have won if we trained harder and believed in ourselves more. I mean 6 choose 4? A minimum bronze could be obtained that easily in yellow belt team ponsei if you compare to white belt (with at least 10 teams) and green belt (with at least 10 teams too), yet at least one team from both HC white and green belt team got into the final 4. The other 2 white and green belt team that didn't get in, well it's not cause of lack of effort, it's simply cause competition is too fierce.
Though we didn't walk away with anything, I do feel inspired to train harder now...and be more committed to the CCA..looking at the seniors training so hard doesn't mean much to me initially, but after today, I finally see why they do. They basically won all (except one) of the medals to help Hwa Chong clinch the overall second position.
If I attend training religiously every week without fail, and go for all grading and pass them, I should be blue belt by this time next year, and if you come to think of it, you will compete with same batch of people that competed with you this year, because the grading is standardised throughout the nation, so as you increase in level, they should too. Which means, if no accidents or anything take place, competition for me next year should be with the same few people, and when I say few, I do mean few (relatively as compared to other belt larz). It's like 32 yellow belt as opposed to 96 white belts today. I am really inspired to train harder.
But then again, why would we wanna participate in this competition next year? "Remove and do not post any form of explicit negative comments re the competition yest online" I received this sms just now. Since that's the case, I shall be a good boy and remove what I posted yesterday, since it is under the "explicit negative comments" category. But you can read more about it here..there's a rather interesting story there...
But still, competition or not, I am inspired to train harder. The only question is how long will this "inspiration" last. I really hope it can last, at least through my 2 years in HC. My passion for the sports may have increase, but the sense of attachment is still not there. I hate the fact tt TKD and Interact are both such huge CCAs with so many members. I still miss SJAB, esp my squad, being small is actually good, at least I feel like I know everyone. In TKD and Interact, there's just so many people, and I don't even feel like getting to know everyone, especially when I already know quite a lot of people. So I tend to stick with these people, and just don't bother to get to know the people I don't know.
Shall stop here, somehow my fingers are acheing too, apart from my leg, which is acheing like mad, I have to spray the "deep heating rub" throughout the competition to allow myself to kick...if not I can't even kick, gotta say that it's very effective though.
The competition's over.
The yellow belts didn't win anything. Results was quite expected actually, but no doubt we still feel disappointed. For me, it's not really cause we didn't win anything, since we didn't expect to win anything in the first place (for the team ponsei (sp?) tt is), but I'm more disappointed cause we could have if we had train harder.
Our morale was pretty low right from the beginning because we just couldn't coordinate at all at first, and it only start to get slightly better at the last 2 training. We keep telling ourselves we are screwed, we can't win (which is actually true based on our performance during normal training), so I guess you can call it a self-fulfulling prophecy. We didn't even have any additional self-training, and we didn't even train that hard during normal training. We did work a little bit harder during the last 2 training, but I guess all was too late.
The sad thing is, the participants for yellow belt is so little as compared to the other belt level. That's why I said the team could have won if we trained harder and believed in ourselves more. I mean 6 choose 4? A minimum bronze could be obtained that easily in yellow belt team ponsei if you compare to white belt (with at least 10 teams) and green belt (with at least 10 teams too), yet at least one team from both HC white and green belt team got into the final 4. The other 2 white and green belt team that didn't get in, well it's not cause of lack of effort, it's simply cause competition is too fierce.
Though we didn't walk away with anything, I do feel inspired to train harder now...and be more committed to the CCA..looking at the seniors training so hard doesn't mean much to me initially, but after today, I finally see why they do. They basically won all (except one) of the medals to help Hwa Chong clinch the overall second position.
If I attend training religiously every week without fail, and go for all grading and pass them, I should be blue belt by this time next year, and if you come to think of it, you will compete with same batch of people that competed with you this year, because the grading is standardised throughout the nation, so as you increase in level, they should too. Which means, if no accidents or anything take place, competition for me next year should be with the same few people, and when I say few, I do mean few (relatively as compared to other belt larz). It's like 32 yellow belt as opposed to 96 white belts today. I am really inspired to train harder.
But then again, why would we wanna participate in this competition next year? "Remove and do not post any form of explicit negative comments re the competition yest online" I received this sms just now. Since that's the case, I shall be a good boy and remove what I posted yesterday, since it is under the "explicit negative comments" category. But you can read more about it here..there's a rather interesting story there...
But still, competition or not, I am inspired to train harder. The only question is how long will this "inspiration" last. I really hope it can last, at least through my 2 years in HC. My passion for the sports may have increase, but the sense of attachment is still not there. I hate the fact tt TKD and Interact are both such huge CCAs with so many members. I still miss SJAB, esp my squad, being small is actually good, at least I feel like I know everyone. In TKD and Interact, there's just so many people, and I don't even feel like getting to know everyone, especially when I already know quite a lot of people. So I tend to stick with these people, and just don't bother to get to know the people I don't know.
Shall stop here, somehow my fingers are acheing too, apart from my leg, which is acheing like mad, I have to spray the "deep heating rub" throughout the competition to allow myself to kick...if not I can't even kick, gotta say that it's very effective though.
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Something Stupid
//Something Stupid//
The time is right
Your perfume fills my head
The stars get red
And oh the night's so blue
And then I go and spoil it all
By saying something stupid
Like I love you
- Robbie Williams (Something Stupid)
I have done lots of stupid things lately...in fact, I even amazed myself with the stupids things I did...
I tapped my EZ link, went into the MRT Station, looked at the time, realised I will be late, tapped my EZ link, went out of the MRT Station, and took a cab. Ended up almost late anyway.
I stopped at Outram Park Station, wanting to change to the East-West Line, and guess what, I tapped my card and went out of the station, and spend a good ole 5 minutes to look for the East-West Line, before I finally realised I shouldn't have came out from the MRT barriers. This is like my thousandth times changing trains there, yet it didn't prevent me from doing something dumb.
I was on my way home on the bus. I have zero dollars in my wallet after paying the bus fare. My EZ link is already in the negative. Then I alighted. Walked and walked. 1 minute passed. I realised I stopped at the wrong stop. No, I did not oversleep and missed my stop. I alighted one stop earlier. And it took me 1 minute to realise it. This is my millionth time taking this bus home from school.
Am I dumb or am I dumb?
The time is right
Your perfume fills my head
The stars get red
And oh the night's so blue
And then I go and spoil it all
By saying something stupid
Like I love you
- Robbie Williams (Something Stupid)
I have done lots of stupid things lately...in fact, I even amazed myself with the stupids things I did...
I tapped my EZ link, went into the MRT Station, looked at the time, realised I will be late, tapped my EZ link, went out of the MRT Station, and took a cab. Ended up almost late anyway.
I stopped at Outram Park Station, wanting to change to the East-West Line, and guess what, I tapped my card and went out of the station, and spend a good ole 5 minutes to look for the East-West Line, before I finally realised I shouldn't have came out from the MRT barriers. This is like my thousandth times changing trains there, yet it didn't prevent me from doing something dumb.
I was on my way home on the bus. I have zero dollars in my wallet after paying the bus fare. My EZ link is already in the negative. Then I alighted. Walked and walked. 1 minute passed. I realised I stopped at the wrong stop. No, I did not oversleep and missed my stop. I alighted one stop earlier. And it took me 1 minute to realise it. This is my millionth time taking this bus home from school.
Am I dumb or am I dumb?
Monday, May 22, 2006
Typical Week
//Typical Week//
My blog has rotted for a week.
Actually nothing much went on last week, except for my usual mood swings, a Bio SPA that everybody seemed to have screwed up, and a relatively great weekend.
Mood swings. I go to school last week everyday feeling moody (i think it's due to the lack of sleep...) and after a while I will get high for no reason..and the cycle continues when I begin to feel sleepy...
On Thur...I was feeling damn depressed during Bio lecture...well I don't know...I just feel like a loser...and loner...and alone. Lol...damn drama...but actually it's nothing much..I was just walking to audi for Bio lect alone (again)...and I felt as if I have no friends in the class. In the audi, I sat Mitch, Yuming and Hannah were sitting together, wanted to take the seat next to Hannah, but it was sort of dirty, so I left that seat empty and sat alone. When the rest came in, they sat at the row below...which left me literally alone.
To use a really lousy analogy to explain how I felt at that moment...the class is made up of a bunch of molecules...each molecule is made up of a few people...covantly bonded...then all these molecules are held together by weak dispersion forces to form our class. And me, I'm like the inert noble gas...argon or neon or something...not bonded with anyone...and it's exactly what happens every lecture/tutorial...the same few people sits with the same few people...and I always fill in whatever empty seats I can find...
I mean I'm perfectly ok with it, and I think it's normal to want to sit with certain people, and I totally get that, and I'm not bothered by it at all usually...and outside of lecture and tutorials and stuff, I do think I have friends whom I can really talk to in the class, and friends that I can hang out with...but I just happen to be not picky about who I sit with during lectures and tutorial usually. ...but that Thursday morning...I got super depressed about it...how weird...and to make it more weird, I got damn high after receiving back the Chem paper (which I failed by the way) after Bio lecture...
Oh, let me digress a bit...it's really great to have people to talk to...people who I can be totally at ease with and just talk about whatever is on my mind, not hiding or censoring anything. So to ever and mitch...it was a great talk last Tue after comm serve...I always feel much happier after talking...
The screwed up Bio SPA. Shan't mention much since I think there are still people who have not done it. It's simple, yet I can be stupid enough to miss out a step in the instructions. So an advice to the people out there going for your make-up SPA next week, read EVERY SINGLE LINE and do EVERY SINGLE THING they asked you to do (like duh)...
Saturday started with PW group meeting, which is rather unproductive...no one is in the mood to work I guess since lessons have already ended...went to NJC Funtasia later...saw Fera and Yingri...they looked happy now...which is good...
The rest of the time from 2+ to 6+ was spent alone at Citylink/Suntec. I was whinning about feeling alone just now, and now I spend the time all by myself. Well I've got 3 options:
1) Rot in school till dance night
2) Go shopping with xin yi, mann ying and pauline
3) Go town myself
I chose 3, cause firstly I am definitely not going to rot in school for 4 hours, and it's kind of awkward to go shopping with them when they are shopping for earings and clothes etc. So I decided to go HMW at Heeren to indulge myself in some nice music to pass time...what a economic way to spend my time. But sadly I have to oversleep and ended up at Cityhall, but I still went to HMW nevertheless, the one at Citylink Mall...
I'm all at sea
Where no one can bother me
I sleep by myself
I drink on my own
I don't speak to nobody
- Jamie Cullum (All At Sea)
It's pretty cool to spend some time on your own out once in a while...especially when you always only go out with your friends...or family or something...it's rather cool to feel totally free, you can go wherever you want, sit and stone for as long as you want, and just be 100% yourself.
Spent quite some time at the HMW at citylink mall listening to the CDs...before meeting the girls for dinner at Taka...I've got to say, music is such a beautiful and special thing...it never...never fails to add colours to my life.
I listened to this song called "First Of May" while sampling this Jap singer's CD....it was a really a beutiful moment..looking at all the people walking past..all looking like they are rushing to somewhere, and there I was, standing there, the only sound in my world is her beautiful voice on that perfect song. I was like totally at peace.
Like a warm drink it seeps into my soul
Please just leave me right here on my own
Later on you could spend some time with me
If you want to, all at sea
- Jamie Cullum (All At Sea)
To me, music isn't just about the music...or the lyrics...it has a lot to do with your mood at that moment too. I remembered there was once in school, I was at the class bench doing my tutorials...listening to the radio, and this song came on, and it totally soothes me..suddenly the tutorial doesn't seem important anymore, the people around me don't seem to exist anymore...and I'm just immersed in the world with that beautiful song...the feeling is beyond words (or rather that feeling is beyond my limited vocabulary)
Sunday began with Mahjong at everlyn's house with mitch and mw. I'm itching to play Mahjong again. lol..Rushed down to Suntec to meet yc and terence with mw after the game. Watched "Over the hedge" which I think is one of the better animated films lately. I always enjoy going out with the 3 of them. We didn't do much yesterday, mw shopped for a pair of slippers...yc and terence tried to get a haircut...but still I enjoyed the company. Good friends are hard to come by....I don't think I will get friends like them from my cca now..since both are my CCAs now are huge....
We were sitting at one of the benches at Citylink mall, observing the people passing by..making comments etc...and yc suddenly said something that I thought was quite interesting...."we are sitting here looking and observing the people walking past...we are being looked at and observed by the people walking past too..." I guess it's true...we often like to talk about so and so doing this...blah blah blah...a lot of times I presume our names appear in other people's convo too...be it good or bad...
It was just great time spent with them sitting at the area near esplanade talking (excluding mw since he left for choir concert)..I never realised how much I enjoy talking to people...and listening to peole talk...
That's how I like my weekends to be...spending it with friends...spending it doing stuff I like like listening to music...instead of facing my com playing Free Cell or Solitaire....
Holidays is coming, and I'm not really excited at the prospects of it. A lot of people seem to be burnt out after 2 terms, and badly wanted this break to recharge. I still feel pretty energised to go on. Maybe I just don't like the fact that 25% of my JC life is gone. After the hols, it would be a busy term 3 with Block test followed by Promos in term 4, and next year would be blocks after blocks and prelims and A lvls...seems like the best time of JC life is over?
A lot of people complained that they hate the sch...they hate their class...they hate to study, but I still think the schooling life would be the best time of my life...and there's still 1.5 years before my schooling life ends and the dreaded NS starts...so I'm just gonna enjoy this really short time...instead of hoping for it to end soon...
I don't want to enter the real and ugly world out there...
My blog has rotted for a week.
Actually nothing much went on last week, except for my usual mood swings, a Bio SPA that everybody seemed to have screwed up, and a relatively great weekend.
Mood swings. I go to school last week everyday feeling moody (i think it's due to the lack of sleep...) and after a while I will get high for no reason..and the cycle continues when I begin to feel sleepy...
On Thur...I was feeling damn depressed during Bio lecture...well I don't know...I just feel like a loser...and loner...and alone. Lol...damn drama...but actually it's nothing much..I was just walking to audi for Bio lect alone (again)...and I felt as if I have no friends in the class. In the audi, I sat Mitch, Yuming and Hannah were sitting together, wanted to take the seat next to Hannah, but it was sort of dirty, so I left that seat empty and sat alone. When the rest came in, they sat at the row below...which left me literally alone.
To use a really lousy analogy to explain how I felt at that moment...the class is made up of a bunch of molecules...each molecule is made up of a few people...covantly bonded...then all these molecules are held together by weak dispersion forces to form our class. And me, I'm like the inert noble gas...argon or neon or something...not bonded with anyone...and it's exactly what happens every lecture/tutorial...the same few people sits with the same few people...and I always fill in whatever empty seats I can find...
I mean I'm perfectly ok with it, and I think it's normal to want to sit with certain people, and I totally get that, and I'm not bothered by it at all usually...and outside of lecture and tutorials and stuff, I do think I have friends whom I can really talk to in the class, and friends that I can hang out with...but I just happen to be not picky about who I sit with during lectures and tutorial usually. ...but that Thursday morning...I got super depressed about it...how weird...and to make it more weird, I got damn high after receiving back the Chem paper (which I failed by the way) after Bio lecture...
Oh, let me digress a bit...it's really great to have people to talk to...people who I can be totally at ease with and just talk about whatever is on my mind, not hiding or censoring anything. So to ever and mitch...it was a great talk last Tue after comm serve...I always feel much happier after talking...
The screwed up Bio SPA. Shan't mention much since I think there are still people who have not done it. It's simple, yet I can be stupid enough to miss out a step in the instructions. So an advice to the people out there going for your make-up SPA next week, read EVERY SINGLE LINE and do EVERY SINGLE THING they asked you to do (like duh)...
Saturday started with PW group meeting, which is rather unproductive...no one is in the mood to work I guess since lessons have already ended...went to NJC Funtasia later...saw Fera and Yingri...they looked happy now...which is good...
The rest of the time from 2+ to 6+ was spent alone at Citylink/Suntec. I was whinning about feeling alone just now, and now I spend the time all by myself. Well I've got 3 options:
1) Rot in school till dance night
2) Go shopping with xin yi, mann ying and pauline
3) Go town myself
I chose 3, cause firstly I am definitely not going to rot in school for 4 hours, and it's kind of awkward to go shopping with them when they are shopping for earings and clothes etc. So I decided to go HMW at Heeren to indulge myself in some nice music to pass time...what a economic way to spend my time. But sadly I have to oversleep and ended up at Cityhall, but I still went to HMW nevertheless, the one at Citylink Mall...
I'm all at sea
Where no one can bother me
I sleep by myself
I drink on my own
I don't speak to nobody
- Jamie Cullum (All At Sea)
It's pretty cool to spend some time on your own out once in a while...especially when you always only go out with your friends...or family or something...it's rather cool to feel totally free, you can go wherever you want, sit and stone for as long as you want, and just be 100% yourself.
Spent quite some time at the HMW at citylink mall listening to the CDs...before meeting the girls for dinner at Taka...I've got to say, music is such a beautiful and special thing...it never...never fails to add colours to my life.
I listened to this song called "First Of May" while sampling this Jap singer's CD....it was a really a beutiful moment..looking at all the people walking past..all looking like they are rushing to somewhere, and there I was, standing there, the only sound in my world is her beautiful voice on that perfect song. I was like totally at peace.
Like a warm drink it seeps into my soul
Please just leave me right here on my own
Later on you could spend some time with me
If you want to, all at sea
- Jamie Cullum (All At Sea)
To me, music isn't just about the music...or the lyrics...it has a lot to do with your mood at that moment too. I remembered there was once in school, I was at the class bench doing my tutorials...listening to the radio, and this song came on, and it totally soothes me..suddenly the tutorial doesn't seem important anymore, the people around me don't seem to exist anymore...and I'm just immersed in the world with that beautiful song...the feeling is beyond words (or rather that feeling is beyond my limited vocabulary)
Sunday began with Mahjong at everlyn's house with mitch and mw. I'm itching to play Mahjong again. lol..Rushed down to Suntec to meet yc and terence with mw after the game. Watched "Over the hedge" which I think is one of the better animated films lately. I always enjoy going out with the 3 of them. We didn't do much yesterday, mw shopped for a pair of slippers...yc and terence tried to get a haircut...but still I enjoyed the company. Good friends are hard to come by....I don't think I will get friends like them from my cca now..since both are my CCAs now are huge....
We were sitting at one of the benches at Citylink mall, observing the people passing by..making comments etc...and yc suddenly said something that I thought was quite interesting...."we are sitting here looking and observing the people walking past...we are being looked at and observed by the people walking past too..." I guess it's true...we often like to talk about so and so doing this...blah blah blah...a lot of times I presume our names appear in other people's convo too...be it good or bad...
It was just great time spent with them sitting at the area near esplanade talking (excluding mw since he left for choir concert)..I never realised how much I enjoy talking to people...and listening to peole talk...
That's how I like my weekends to be...spending it with friends...spending it doing stuff I like like listening to music...instead of facing my com playing Free Cell or Solitaire....
Holidays is coming, and I'm not really excited at the prospects of it. A lot of people seem to be burnt out after 2 terms, and badly wanted this break to recharge. I still feel pretty energised to go on. Maybe I just don't like the fact that 25% of my JC life is gone. After the hols, it would be a busy term 3 with Block test followed by Promos in term 4, and next year would be blocks after blocks and prelims and A lvls...seems like the best time of JC life is over?
A lot of people complained that they hate the sch...they hate their class...they hate to study, but I still think the schooling life would be the best time of my life...and there's still 1.5 years before my schooling life ends and the dreaded NS starts...so I'm just gonna enjoy this really short time...instead of hoping for it to end soon...
I don't want to enter the real and ugly world out there...
Monday, May 15, 2006
Lameness
//Lameness//
In view of the fact that Chemistry test is over, I decided to respond to Wilson's tag now...
Instructions:Name 20 ppl u can think of at the top of your head. Dun read the below questions before you write and tag 5 ppl to do this survey.
1. Wilson (since you tag me)
2. Mitchell
3. Yuming
4. Ying Cheng
5. Ming Wei
6. Terence Heng
7. Everlyn Lee
8. Edmund Neo
9. Zeqi
10. Mann Ying
11. Xin Yi
12. Pauline
13. Sylvia
14. Gwen
15. Yirene
16. Kai Herng
17. Jeremy Goh
18. Ting Feng
19. Yik Hang
20. Denny
How did you meet 14?
(Gwen) Got to know her through Ying Cheng...first few days after we got to know our class I think.
What would you do if u never met 1?
(Wilson) I would still fail my pull-ups I guess...cause no one would be so kind to go do pull up with me everytime and assist me.
What would u do if 20 and 9 dated?
(Denny & Zeqi) I would wish them all the best in their relationship, because there are tonnes of obstacles ahead. I would also suggest them to start a dennyandzeqi.blogspot.com to qie colinandkero.blogspot.com or something...
Did you ever like 19?
(Yik Hang) I wouldn't choose him as my sucessor if I hate him right? So I do like him as a cadet, trainee, new CSM, etc..don't think too much...
Would 6 and 17 make a good couple?
(Terence Heng & Jeremy Goh) I think it's fate that one is 6 and one is 17. But other than apparent reason that both are guys, I just can't see them together even if both are gays or one is a girl...personality clashes...
Describe 3.
(Yuming) Quiet and loud. Super stoned and super high. Very lame and very serious. Extreme/Split personality. He can be super stoned sometimes, yet at other times he can be so loud and high. Loves to drink. Appears lame and stupid sometimes, but damn smart and deep thinker.
Do you think 8 is attractive?
(Edmund Neo) Attractive in a "Maria" kind of way? Then yes.
Say something about 7.
(Everlyn Lee) Noob at everything she does..just like me...She's good at 2 things though. Eat. Sing.
Do you know any of 12's family members?
(Pauline) Never meet before, but I know she's got a Mum...a Dad...a sis...that's all I know.
What's 8's favourite?
(Edmund Neo) Doing Fac Dance on the teacher's table in the class. Self bond in the toilet.
What would u do if 11 confessed that he/she likes u?
(Xin Yi) I would laugh and say "oh i love you too!" -_-
What language does 15 speak?
(Yirene) English, Chinese. Not sure if she speaks any other language though.
Who is 9 going out with?
(Zeqi) Erm, the last time I checked, he's still with 8.
How old is 16 now?
(Kai Herng) 16. I don't think his birthday is over yet, I can't remember when is his birthday in fact!
When was the last time u talked to 13?
(Sylvia) Today, in school. I don't think I talked to her much, she just can't stop laughing...over some weird stuff.
Who's 2's favourite band/ singer?
(Mitchell) Not sure. Kay Siong maybe? I know he loves to hear him sing, he is like Kay Siong's biggest fan or something.
Would you date 4?
(Ying Cheng) If I'm gay? If he's a girl? If I'm a girl? But even if all those are true, the answer is still no. Close friends just don't translate to good dates.
Would u date 7?
(Everlyn Lee) If I'm insane? I think even if I'm insane the answer is still no lorz...lol. Same thing, I don't think good friends will translate to good dates.
Is 15 single?
(Yirene) Not sure, you can ask 4, he may know.
What's 10's last name?
(Mann Ying) Lim. What kind of question is this?
Would u ever be in a serious relationship with 11?
(Xin Yi) No, I would be in a casual relationship with her though. -_-. Sorry, not funny. But MA!! How can have relationship with MA! Though she's not my ma, but her image too motherly for my liking liaoz, plus I'm too penguin for her liking too.
What school does 3 go to?
(Yuming) HCI
Where does 6 live?
(Terence Heng) In his disillusioned little world. Nah..Yishun.
What's your favourite thing about 5?
(Ming Wei) He's forever smiling. He radiates a sense of cheerfulness.
Have you seen 1 naked?
(Wilson) No, don't intend to, never intended to either.
Tag:
Anyone in the class who haven't do it can do it at your own blog or class blog if you want.
In view of the fact that Chemistry test is over, I decided to respond to Wilson's tag now...
Instructions:Name 20 ppl u can think of at the top of your head. Dun read the below questions before you write and tag 5 ppl to do this survey.
1. Wilson (since you tag me)
2. Mitchell
3. Yuming
4. Ying Cheng
5. Ming Wei
6. Terence Heng
7. Everlyn Lee
8. Edmund Neo
9. Zeqi
10. Mann Ying
11. Xin Yi
12. Pauline
13. Sylvia
14. Gwen
15. Yirene
16. Kai Herng
17. Jeremy Goh
18. Ting Feng
19. Yik Hang
20. Denny
How did you meet 14?
(Gwen) Got to know her through Ying Cheng...first few days after we got to know our class I think.
What would you do if u never met 1?
(Wilson) I would still fail my pull-ups I guess...cause no one would be so kind to go do pull up with me everytime and assist me.
What would u do if 20 and 9 dated?
(Denny & Zeqi) I would wish them all the best in their relationship, because there are tonnes of obstacles ahead. I would also suggest them to start a dennyandzeqi.blogspot.com to qie colinandkero.blogspot.com or something...
Did you ever like 19?
(Yik Hang) I wouldn't choose him as my sucessor if I hate him right? So I do like him as a cadet, trainee, new CSM, etc..don't think too much...
Would 6 and 17 make a good couple?
(Terence Heng & Jeremy Goh) I think it's fate that one is 6 and one is 17. But other than apparent reason that both are guys, I just can't see them together even if both are gays or one is a girl...personality clashes...
Describe 3.
(Yuming) Quiet and loud. Super stoned and super high. Very lame and very serious. Extreme/Split personality. He can be super stoned sometimes, yet at other times he can be so loud and high. Loves to drink. Appears lame and stupid sometimes, but damn smart and deep thinker.
Do you think 8 is attractive?
(Edmund Neo) Attractive in a "Maria" kind of way? Then yes.
Say something about 7.
(Everlyn Lee) Noob at everything she does..just like me...She's good at 2 things though. Eat. Sing.
Do you know any of 12's family members?
(Pauline) Never meet before, but I know she's got a Mum...a Dad...a sis...that's all I know.
What's 8's favourite?
(Edmund Neo) Doing Fac Dance on the teacher's table in the class. Self bond in the toilet.
What would u do if 11 confessed that he/she likes u?
(Xin Yi) I would laugh and say "oh i love you too!" -_-
What language does 15 speak?
(Yirene) English, Chinese. Not sure if she speaks any other language though.
Who is 9 going out with?
(Zeqi) Erm, the last time I checked, he's still with 8.
How old is 16 now?
(Kai Herng) 16. I don't think his birthday is over yet, I can't remember when is his birthday in fact!
When was the last time u talked to 13?
(Sylvia) Today, in school. I don't think I talked to her much, she just can't stop laughing...over some weird stuff.
Who's 2's favourite band/ singer?
(Mitchell) Not sure. Kay Siong maybe? I know he loves to hear him sing, he is like Kay Siong's biggest fan or something.
Would you date 4?
(Ying Cheng) If I'm gay? If he's a girl? If I'm a girl? But even if all those are true, the answer is still no. Close friends just don't translate to good dates.
Would u date 7?
(Everlyn Lee) If I'm insane? I think even if I'm insane the answer is still no lorz...lol. Same thing, I don't think good friends will translate to good dates.
Is 15 single?
(Yirene) Not sure, you can ask 4, he may know.
What's 10's last name?
(Mann Ying) Lim. What kind of question is this?
Would u ever be in a serious relationship with 11?
(Xin Yi) No, I would be in a casual relationship with her though. -_-. Sorry, not funny. But MA!! How can have relationship with MA! Though she's not my ma, but her image too motherly for my liking liaoz, plus I'm too penguin for her liking too.
What school does 3 go to?
(Yuming) HCI
Where does 6 live?
(Terence Heng) In his disillusioned little world. Nah..Yishun.
What's your favourite thing about 5?
(Ming Wei) He's forever smiling. He radiates a sense of cheerfulness.
Have you seen 1 naked?
(Wilson) No, don't intend to, never intended to either.
Tag:
Anyone in the class who haven't do it can do it at your own blog or class blog if you want.
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
First Time
//First Time//
Maths alternative assessment is looming...in fact it's just tomorrow.
It will be the first time for me walking into a test totally unprepared. I missed the first lecture for "Series & Sequences" and ever since, I never really did listen to the lectures, what's the point when you absolutely don't know what the lecturer is talking about?
I never got around to doing any Sequence and Series tutorial myself too...neither have I tried to self-study or understand it too....and all is too late now..
16 hours to the test and I still could not do a single question in the tutorial. I may just create the record of having the lowest Maths grade in the class (yes, it's possible to get lower than 1/25..which equates to 4/100...totally possible for me to "top" that)
I swear Maths will be my upmost priority in the June hols. I swear to do at least at least 5 qns of Maths each day no matter how late I reach home. I swear I will at least get a "C" for Blk test for Maths. (ok..tt's a bit hard..I guess I will be contented with a "E")
And on top of that, from today onwards, I'm going to look into the mirror everyday and say "I love Mathematics. Mathematics is fun!" 10 times a day to psycho myself into believing what a fun subject it is.
You should do that too.
Maths alternative assessment is looming...in fact it's just tomorrow.
It will be the first time for me walking into a test totally unprepared. I missed the first lecture for "Series & Sequences" and ever since, I never really did listen to the lectures, what's the point when you absolutely don't know what the lecturer is talking about?
I never got around to doing any Sequence and Series tutorial myself too...neither have I tried to self-study or understand it too....and all is too late now..
16 hours to the test and I still could not do a single question in the tutorial. I may just create the record of having the lowest Maths grade in the class (yes, it's possible to get lower than 1/25..which equates to 4/100...totally possible for me to "top" that)
I swear Maths will be my upmost priority in the June hols. I swear to do at least at least 5 qns of Maths each day no matter how late I reach home. I swear I will at least get a "C" for Blk test for Maths. (ok..tt's a bit hard..I guess I will be contented with a "E")
And on top of that, from today onwards, I'm going to look into the mirror everyday and say "I love Mathematics. Mathematics is fun!" 10 times a day to psycho myself into believing what a fun subject it is.
You should do that too.
Rejections
//Rejections//
I hate people who cannot handle rejections.
When people say give up, stop trying, it's not going to work, can you at least friggin' respect that person's decision.
It takes 2 hands to clap, so what if you think this way, others may not, it's time to grow up and fucking accept other people's opinion and decision.
I'm not pissed, or depressed or what, just a little freaked out I guess...by the "persistance" shown by some people. Resilience? Zi Qiang Bu Xi? In situation like this, respect is the key. Respect people's decision. Rejection? Big deal. Life goes on.
Dear readers (if any), it's ok if you don't understand the ramblings that I just typed, in fact you shouldn't. If you do, I would freaked out even more. (reading back it sounds like some weird love issues....and this i can assure you...nopz...nothing at all to do with that) Everyone should have their own little private personal space right? I just need to place to vent out this *emotion* (for the lack of a better word) in me...no biggies...life goes on for me too....
Sunday, May 07, 2006
I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For
//I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For//
After years of expensive education
A car full of books and anticipation
I'm an expert on Shakespeare and that's a hell of a lot
But the world don't need scholars as much as I thought
- Jamie Cullum (Twentysomething)
I have been slacking the past 2 days. I stuck with Government's policy of "5 Day week" which equates to "No homework" weekend for me too...so I didn't do any work this weekend as usual...and I didn't even go out...stuck at home for full 2 days (ok I did go out for lunch today...and to buy some stationary..but tt don't count right?)...so I've full 2 days to stone at home and think (*gasp..kaysiong got a brain?!? he thinks??!?)...
Sometimes I wonder why do we study so hard...study for tests...do tutorials on time....actually I don't even think I'm working very hard...I mean I still have time to spare...like I can totally don't do work during weekend...I can stay back in school to play bridge everyday...I still have time for TV watching and downloading of shows...apparently mann seems shocked on wed when i told her i'm gonna go home and watch "American Idol"...she asked "you still have time to watch TV?"
To me, I will have the time if I want to do it. I want to watch "American Idol", so I will make time for it. Have I finish my PI at that time? Hell no, but to me, watching "American Idol" is more important to my well-being (lol...hmm..) so I chose to watch "American Idol" rather than do my PI. It's just a matter of whether you can let it go and don't see everything with equal importance. Like right now, my chem tutorial which needs to be done by tomorrow is lying on the table staring at me, but here I am blogging...cause I choose to.
On fri...didn't go for TKD training...instead went back for SJAB training...felt like I have to somehow...ended up sitting in front of blk C and talking with yunsong n meng...and I was telling them how I feel very much at ease with the pace of my life right now...i work hard in sch everyday...i slack at home every night (i've been sleeping at shocking times lately...like 9pm 10pm+...*gasp)..i get enough sleep...i go out during weekends...do something meaningful once a week like going for comm serve...applied for some job attachment that i'm interested in...i don't feel really stressed out by any subjects right now...don't have relationship problems (i mean how can there be relationship problems when there isn't even a relationship to start with)....i admit i'm not coping too well with my maths...but i seriously don't feel too stressed out (maybe i will the day before the test).....
in general i'm a happy boy.
Happy? Ok maybe not a good word...cause there's just something missing from my life...and I just can't pinpoint it...
Admist all the work during weekdays...I hardly have time to think about this kinda stuff...but when I do...it does struck me that my life seems a bit aimless and pointless...which is why I love to keep myself busy with work...it stops my mind from wondering to stuff like this or depressing stuff which i shan't elaborate..
What's the sense of trying hard to find your dreams
Without someone to share it with
Tell me what does it mean?
- Whitney Houston (Run To You)
At first, I did think it may be the void in my love life that is causing this feeling of emptiness...(lol...sounds so wrong...)...afterall...people around me seems to be all getting attached...and they are literally glowing and radiating happiness everyday...(ok..maybe i exaggarated)....Maybe I do need someone who I can share my ups and downs with...someone to occupy my mind when I stone...but "喜欢的人不出现，出现的人不喜欢"....and seriously after really thinking about it, it's not like having that special someone at this point of my life is gonna make that big a difference...I've got friends whom I can talk to...whom I can care for...and friends who can go out and play mahjong with me...so maybe it's not that afterall....
Love ain't the answer, nor is work
The truth elludes me so much it hurts
But I'm still having fun and I guess that's the key
I'm a twentysomething and I'll keep being me
-Jamie Cullum (Twentysomething)
I guess I should really continue to just have fun...and stop thinking so much...a week full of holidays coming up....and no plans made yet...how pathetic....I want mahjong! I want KBox! I want movies! I want bowling! I want pool! Maybe I should go clubbing...lol...ok..maybe not...Let me see...I should be able to go out on Mon after school..Tue maybe but not till too late...Thur after Sports meet...and fri...should start planning my week now...
I love this song by U2...pretty old song I think...but a good song nonetheless...
I have run I have crawled
I have scaled these city walls
These city walls Only to be with you
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
- U2 (I still haven't found what I'm looking for)
After years of expensive education
A car full of books and anticipation
I'm an expert on Shakespeare and that's a hell of a lot
But the world don't need scholars as much as I thought
- Jamie Cullum (Twentysomething)
I have been slacking the past 2 days. I stuck with Government's policy of "5 Day week" which equates to "No homework" weekend for me too...so I didn't do any work this weekend as usual...and I didn't even go out...stuck at home for full 2 days (ok I did go out for lunch today...and to buy some stationary..but tt don't count right?)...so I've full 2 days to stone at home and think (*gasp..kaysiong got a brain?!? he thinks??!?)...
Sometimes I wonder why do we study so hard...study for tests...do tutorials on time....actually I don't even think I'm working very hard...I mean I still have time to spare...like I can totally don't do work during weekend...I can stay back in school to play bridge everyday...I still have time for TV watching and downloading of shows...apparently mann seems shocked on wed when i told her i'm gonna go home and watch "American Idol"...she asked "you still have time to watch TV?"
To me, I will have the time if I want to do it. I want to watch "American Idol", so I will make time for it. Have I finish my PI at that time? Hell no, but to me, watching "American Idol" is more important to my well-being (lol...hmm..) so I chose to watch "American Idol" rather than do my PI. It's just a matter of whether you can let it go and don't see everything with equal importance. Like right now, my chem tutorial which needs to be done by tomorrow is lying on the table staring at me, but here I am blogging...cause I choose to.
On fri...didn't go for TKD training...instead went back for SJAB training...felt like I have to somehow...ended up sitting in front of blk C and talking with yunsong n meng...and I was telling them how I feel very much at ease with the pace of my life right now...i work hard in sch everyday...i slack at home every night (i've been sleeping at shocking times lately...like 9pm 10pm+...*gasp)..i get enough sleep...i go out during weekends...do something meaningful once a week like going for comm serve...applied for some job attachment that i'm interested in...i don't feel really stressed out by any subjects right now...don't have relationship problems (i mean how can there be relationship problems when there isn't even a relationship to start with)....i admit i'm not coping too well with my maths...but i seriously don't feel too stressed out (maybe i will the day before the test).....
in general i'm a happy boy.
Happy? Ok maybe not a good word...cause there's just something missing from my life...and I just can't pinpoint it...
Admist all the work during weekdays...I hardly have time to think about this kinda stuff...but when I do...it does struck me that my life seems a bit aimless and pointless...which is why I love to keep myself busy with work...it stops my mind from wondering to stuff like this or depressing stuff which i shan't elaborate..
What's the sense of trying hard to find your dreams
Without someone to share it with
Tell me what does it mean?
- Whitney Houston (Run To You)
At first, I did think it may be the void in my love life that is causing this feeling of emptiness...(lol...sounds so wrong...)...afterall...people around me seems to be all getting attached...and they are literally glowing and radiating happiness everyday...(ok..maybe i exaggarated)....Maybe I do need someone who I can share my ups and downs with...someone to occupy my mind when I stone...but "喜欢的人不出现，出现的人不喜欢"....and seriously after really thinking about it, it's not like having that special someone at this point of my life is gonna make that big a difference...I've got friends whom I can talk to...whom I can care for...and friends who can go out and play mahjong with me...so maybe it's not that afterall....
Love ain't the answer, nor is work
The truth elludes me so much it hurts
But I'm still having fun and I guess that's the key
I'm a twentysomething and I'll keep being me
-Jamie Cullum (Twentysomething)
I guess I should really continue to just have fun...and stop thinking so much...a week full of holidays coming up....and no plans made yet...how pathetic....I want mahjong! I want KBox! I want movies! I want bowling! I want pool! Maybe I should go clubbing...lol...ok..maybe not...Let me see...I should be able to go out on Mon after school..Tue maybe but not till too late...Thur after Sports meet...and fri...should start planning my week now...
I love this song by U2...pretty old song I think...but a good song nonetheless...
I have run I have crawled
I have scaled these city walls
These city walls Only to be with you
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
- U2 (I still haven't found what I'm looking for)
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
.
//.//
fuck my screwedup life.
and i haven't even done my bio/chem/maths/econs tutorial yet...not forgetting my PI which is still non-existent now...
i have a perfect nice little life (looking beyond all the mundance problems like too much tutorials...bad hair...etc)
i don't wanna think about it...i wanna run away from it...be delusional...at least i will be happy...
i m gonna immerse myself in bio/chem/maths/econs tutorial now...keep myself busy...and happy...
.
fuck my screwedup life.
and i haven't even done my bio/chem/maths/econs tutorial yet...not forgetting my PI which is still non-existent now...
i have a perfect nice little life (looking beyond all the mundance problems like too much tutorials...bad hair...etc)
i don't wanna think about it...i wanna run away from it...be delusional...at least i will be happy...
i m gonna immerse myself in bio/chem/maths/econs tutorial now...keep myself busy...and happy...
.
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