Alone

//Alone//

I was at Heartland Mall eating dinner alone at KFC just now. Don't ask me why I was eating dinner there alone, it's a long long story which involves me exchanging DVD -R for DVD +R at Popular.

But yea, somehow it feels pretty miserable eating dinner alone.

It actually felt lonely.

The funny thing is I was never a person who cannot stand being alone. I crave for solitude in fact. I never had problem with watching movies alone, in fact I've watched quite a number of movies alone before, and I usually find myself enjoying the movie a lot more. The act of watching movies at the theatres, to most people (me included), is just another way to spend time with friends. That's why if I bother to drag my lazy ass to watch a movie alone, I usually find myself a lot more focused on the movie, and enjoying it a lot more.

But yea, discussing the meaning behind watching a movie isn't what I really want to blog about here. As I was saying, I felt lonely, for god knows what reason. And note, I used 'lonely', I didn't say 'alone'. There's a very big difference between the 2.

'Alone' is a lot more neutral, it's very matter of fact. If you are by yourself, you are alone. Like I said, I have no qualms with doing things alone.

'Lonely', on the other hand, deals with an emotional state. You can be surrounded by friends and yet, still feel lonely.

孤单是一个人的狂欢
狂欢是一群人的孤单
- 阿桑 (叶子)

See what I mean? It's kind of interesting, "狂欢是一群人的孤单", I mean we're constantly surrounded by people, by family, by friends, but how many of us don't feel lonely at all. I guess everyone feels lonely to a certain degree no matter how happy he/she may seem.

So I was lonely and bored. When you're lonely and bored, you people-watch. Well, I don't know about you, but I do, as I was eating that is.

And I discover a very disturbing fact. Almost every single person I saw was with someone else. Are we so dependant on human company? Are we like incapable of spending time alone??

I saw this lesbian couple (yes, I'm very sure it's a lesbian couple, or maybe I should say I saw this butch with this girl behaving like a couple). They reminded me of qingyi and ash (and wenqin if you're reading, i'm not talking about the qingyi and ash in our driving course, i was talking abt my jc classmate n her gf).

And I saw 3 srjc students, 1 girl and 2 guys. Totally reminded me of how me, mitch and everlyn would go eat at tiong bahru plaza after our comm serve.

As I went to the toilet, I also saw this 2 jc students (of which one is a very ugly sajc girl, but yea, that's not the point) mugging biology. I can recognise the alpha helix protein structure. Again, I was reminded of how I always mug with ever and wilson almost anywhere there's food, and that scene totally reminded me of the 3 of us mugging at KAP for our final bio MCQ for a lvls.

I also saw this dad with his 2 sons, a married couple with their maid (or maybe it's their maid lookalike daughter), this parent with their 2 kids, 3 PRCs (which I think compromises of 1 couple + 1 girl who's acting as the lightbulb).

So just as I was marvelling at the fact that I'm the only person eating alone in KFC, I suddenly spotted this other guy in executive wear eating alone too! For a moment, I was kind of relieved, at least I'm not the only one alone. But then it suddenly dawned on me that, that's me. That's exactly how I'm going to be like in the future.

Assuming I move out after I get a job in the future, I'm living alone, that's probably how I will settle my dinner every night, eating alone. That guy looked so...miserable. As he's eating his fries, there's no passion, it's almost like he's eating for the sake of eating, he's eating cause if he don't he will starve to death. Ok, I know it sounds a bit over the top, but that's the vibe I got from him. I definitely don't wanna end up like him.

So I came to this conclusion.

I MUST LEARN HOW TO COOOK! At least I would be eating alone at home, and not showing my pathetic self to the rest of the world. Furthermore, think of all the $$$ I can save. So yes, I must learn how to cook!

On a ending note, the driving course is ending like 4 days time. I'm so so going to miss staying out.