When The Lights Go Down

//When The Lights Go Down//

I think I appear so stoned most of the time that I display zero emotional range at all.

Looking at how some people apear when they are stressed, or how some others behave when they are pissed or emotional, and mosty importantly listening to people talk about other people's behaviour...made me wonder how I behave around others.

Some people mask their saddness with laughter and smiles. Some wear their emotions on their sleeves. And my conclusion for myself: I am just stoned.

Like a stone.

There but not there.

One of my friends once told me I look tired all the time. Like a lost sheep. So I tried to be more lively. It worked, here and there, once in a while, but most of the time, especially recently, I would just slipped back to my stone-y self.

It is just tiring to be someone I'm not.

Maybe that's why I feel most relaxed with meng, cheng and rence. It almost seems like it's alright to stone all I want when I'm with them.

When the lights go down
And there's nothing left to be
When the lights go down
And the truth is all you see
- Faith Hill

But it's not as if there's like nothing underneath the stone-y surface. It's not like my mind will switch off automatically when I'm stoning.

Was feeling rather moody and kind of sad in a way this 2 days...over something really small...

I'm not a particularly reflective type of person, but it's amazing how some movies can get me really emotional. Not in a "omg that's so sad" one dimensional kind of emotion where I will start crying, but rather mixed emotions, that makes me feel happy and sad at the same time.

Weird, but there are movies that can do this to me.

The film can be really lousy, but as long as it strikes a emotional chord with me, I just can't really get out of the movies. It took me a couple of days to get over the movie"Noel", cause right after watching it, the feeling of loneliness just gripes me so strongly...

And movies like these will just get thinking about my own life, how I want to lead it and so on. And somehow I always get kind of depressed just from thinking about it.

I guess that kinds of explain my emotional state of mind for this past 2 days...

Ok, I think I'm getting kind of incoherent and rambling.

I really need to get out of this mode and switch gear into the mugging mode soon.