Quiet Day

//Quiet Day//

I really should be studying for Bio SPA now, since it's really important cause it's counted as part of our A level results for Bio...but I just have this sudden urge to blog, like I always do when I'm supposed to be mugging or doing something important. I had a urge to blog during Promos last year, but right after promos, blogging doesn't seem so appealing anymore.

Been feeling quite depressed this few days...maybe depressed is not the right word...it's just a mega fluctuation of emotions everyday...feeling high, feeling sad, feeling bored...

Why do things have to change
I am a brushstroke on a big canvas
That's not by me
- Quiet Day (George)

It really sucks to see changes happening around me, beyond my control. I really do feel like "I'm a brushstroke on a big canvas, that's not by me"....it feels as if I totally have no control over my life...like I'm just part of a painting that's painted by someone else.

It sucks not being in control, but being in control sucks too. I just spent my days sometimes wishing I have more power over my emotions, not allowing the actions or words of others affect mentally, but it's not possible for me...i am just that weak, and sometimes I wished I have more control of how I want to live my life...

And it's funny how I absolutely dread the feeling of being in control, cause I hate to make decisions for others, to the point that I dread making suggestions sometimes. Maybe I should really isolate myself.

Self-isolation. (somehow this reminds me of "wilsoooon!" cause Miss Lim always talk about the movie Castaway when she mentioned "wilsoooon!" ok...a bit no link I know)

I think I can classify myself as being in a weird mood now.

Really weird.

I remembered when we played the adjective game during CT session, I stepped forward when she mentioned temperamental. How true. The slightest and insignificant thing can spoil my day, but I can feel indifferent about major important stuff.

Seriously, there hasn't been much exciting stuff in my life lately, so the ramblings above isn't about anything in particular, it's just everything that has been going on, school, family, relationships with people...

To look past this hour, this day
It's exciting but it is
too big to imagine for me
- Quiet Day (George)

I am really living my life, day by day now...as in I don't dare to think too far into the future, cause it's really a scary thought when I did think about what's gonna happen by the time this year ends...so I'm just trying to live in the present, enjoy the moment (though I don't really seem to be doing so at this very moment) and just hope times don't pass so fast this year.

Kind of weird right, I'm complaining about my life now, yet I know very well myself that I don't want the year to end so fast.

That is why I hope its okay
For me just be now
I just need to have a quiet day
Watch things fade away
I think I'll just sit here
And watch you all go by
- Quiet Day (George)

I really like this song "Quiet Day" from "George" (some Australian band), it has a therapatic effect on me, especially on days when I'm like extremely busy, or when I'm feeling really down, cause it provides an outlet for me to really imagine myself in that scenario in the song...a quiet day...

It's on such days that I really crave for a quiet day...to just let it all go, not just all the work, but all the emotional baggages and so on too...how nice would it be to be totally free from all the crap in life...

Ok, I should stop living in my little fantasy and get back to reality.

Bio SPA, here I come.