Growing Up

So I went back to school today, both high school and jc.

As much as I'm still grateful towards some of my teachers for what they've done for me, I'm just not comfortable with seeing them, at least not 1 to 1. To me, they may be that one great teacher, but to them, I'm probably just one of their many students who've graduated. So I don't want to show up unexpectedly, and let the conversation drift into a "so how's life" kind of thing with awkward silences in between. That's why I always prefer to look for teachers when I'm in a group, at least I wouldn't need to be mentally drained to think of ways to keep the conversation going.

But that's beside the point.

So yes, I went back to chinese high, mainly to see my st john juniors (who are so so so much younger than me) train for zone comp. According to jeremy, the trainers are cui (in content knowledge as well as ability to teach). Hence, the trainees are cui.

But yea, unlike him, I wasn't really there to help improve the situation. I always remember when I was a trainer and trainee, I hated it when seniors (who have graduated) come back. Aside from the pressure I get with them around, I just think different people have different training styles, so by having inputs from so many people, it actually makes matters worse. So I went just to take a look and show some moral support.

I must say for that short duration I was there, it really brought back a lot of memories. I must say as a trainee, I was never confident in my own abilities then, but with support from the team mates, a lot of hardwork and some luck, we managed to pulled through, which is why the current batch of comp team reminded me of our batch in a lot of ways. I saw a lot of uncertainty in them, a major lack of confidence, but I also some glimpses of determination and the desire to want to do better. I hope with that, they can go a long way, regardless of the outcome of the competition.

I was much more confident in the position of a trainer than trainee. I really did believe in my ability in teaching and inspiring them. I don't know how much of my long and naggy commentaries (after each case or footdrill procedure) actually went into their head, but I tried to give constructive comments that really help them improve. And it was really far more satisfying seeing the team I trained got champion for national comp, than getting the 2nd runner up myself. So yes, my point is, the trainers are very important too. And I cannot disagree with Jeremy's comments about the trainers from what I see yesterday. Oh well, I can only hope for the best.

And yes, the main reason for me going back school yesterday was for the J1 orientation, which wasn't any of our business actually, but considering how free I am, I went back with some of my classmates.

Seeing the JC1s being so enthusiastic and all that, made me feel...(I won't say old) jealous. There they are, the most exciting and packed 2 years of their life about to commence, and here I am, with those 2 years gone, and possibly the most miserable 2 years of my life over too, I'm looking at a year of working and earning $$ and all that. I am not denying it can be quite an experience depending on the jobs, but it's just all these jobs applications, overseas trips with friends, keeping track of my own accounts, the 21st birthday parties and all that, that make me feel like I'm being pushed into the adulthood, and that I'm actually growing up. No more fun school life, no more oppressive and depressing army life, this is it.

And it is the inevitability of it all that makes it slightly unsettling.

Looking ahead, the year will be all about working, going on trips, and eventually university. But I guess to sum it all up, the year ahead will be all about growing up.

I've lots of growing up to do.