Tolerance Level

//Tolerance Level//

I actually have a personal statement for ucas to work on, but this is something that has been bugging me for the past 2 weeks...so the personal statement..shall wait.

I always thought I'm a pretty tolerant person. I admit I do get annoyed easily but I do believe I always managed to keep it to myself, and more often than not, resolve issues internally.

Well, that was till I came to where I am right now.

You would think that in the organisation that I'm in right now, with all the nonsense going on, one would feel numb after a while, but apparently not. Almost 1 year in, instead of getting used to the life of a national slave, I find myself getting more and more annoyed with it. And yes, I get annoyed very very easily nowadays too, and it's not hard to imagine why given the nonsense we have to endure. If even someone as zen and as calm as joshua cannot take it, I cannot even imagine how some of my platoon mates or me for that matter of fact got through it. They basically just pushed me right past my tolerance threshold and a lot of times, I just feel like inflicting physical harm on certain people.

Yes, bitching and whinning helped, but all that does for us is just to allow us to vent our frustrations together because at the end of the day the negativity aura is still so strong and it's still there.

So yes, I resorted to eating. Ok, maybe that's probably too mild a word. Gorging on food seems more appropriate. At least I feel like there's still something good in life (in there that is) when I'm gorging on food.

And the worst part is I'm not even talking about the physical stuff they made us do. Like having 7 SOCs in 12 days (or 10 SOCs in fact, since we basically did 4 x SOC today during RT), and all the AGR, strength training, speed training, coy PT etc.

All those stuff, I can understand why we are doing it, and at the end of the day, we do gain from it, though I have to say it can get rather inhumane at times (like 4 SOC trainings in 1 week?!).

I'm talking about nonsensical stuff that we were made to do thanks to the total incapabilities of certain individuals, which I won't even bother to elaborate because it just makes me feel even more sad.

And yes, some of the nonsensical stuff we were made to do may seem trivial to some and not really a big deal, but what's upsetting me the most is that there seems to be no end. History just keeps repeating itself, and nonsense just happens on a regular basis. It's almost like nonsense is part and parcel of my life in that shit hole right now. When there's finally time for some rest, shit will happen without fail. Like terence said, we are pawns afterall.

It has gotten to a point, where I just stop wishing and hoping. There's no need to wish for anything or hope that life will get better, cause it just won't. They have drained all the optimism I have left in me in the past 2 weeks.

There's no point saying 'hang in there' or 'i'll survive!' cause I know I won't die in there, I'll just be annoyed to no end and live miserably for my remaining 380 days.