p.s. i love you

//p.s. i love you//

This 6 weeks of heaven in stagmont, before I officially enter hell on 7th May, actually managed to get me to pick up the books and start reading again. And by reading, I'm not actually refering to the thick manuals or pointless powerpoint slide, I'm refering to real fictional (how oxymoronic!) books. The long admin time at night, breaks in between lessons, or the ridiculously long waiting time for the practical test are all perfect time for reading.

Of course this is only one of the few factors that pushed me to start reading again. I guess the mass comm interview/selection test a few weeks ago kind of got to me a little. I just felt like I really really have to start working on my language or something if I ever wanna do well in mass comm because everyone there just seems so...outstanding. I admit I was intimidated, and in fact, I just felt like a fish out of water. It was like a science student being randomly thrown together with a bunch of humanities students. Maybe I'm really just a science student at heart?

Oh well.

Been talking a lot about uni education and future careers and so on with my bunkmates, and ironically it made me feel even more unsure about everything. I thought I had it all mapped out, guess I was wrong, since I feel like I'm right back at square 1 right now. Why do I even apply for mass comm in the first place? What exactly do I want? Journalism? Advertising? Social work? Teaching? It's driving me nuts thinking about it.

Maybe I should just heed my own advice that I gave my friend, stop thinking so much and just go with your gut feeling. Sometimes, overthinking isn't too healthy huh? I guess I just need more guts and have more confidence in myself.

Ok, enough of deviation. This is supposed to be about "p.s. i love you". robert recommended me this book after I casually asked him to recommend me some good books a couple of weeks ago. yenshan described it as "really sweet and would make you wanna fall in love" kind of book. And yea, it's really pretty sweet, but maybe cause I haven't really experienced the feeling of losing a loved one, it just didn't quite strike a chord with me.

I mean I do feel sorry for Holly, and it's nice reading about her times with Gerry and so on, I just can't relate to those stuff. What I really like about this book though, are the interactions Holly had with her best friends Denise and Sharon. I think for me, it's more of a book about friendship rather than love? And I particularly like the karaoke competition part, where she sung "With a little help from my friends".

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm, I get high with a little help from my friends
Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends
- With A Little Help From My Friends (The Beatles)

Well, I guess that's kind of what I'm feeling right now. A bit lost just like Holly in the book, not really knowing what I want in life, and what to do with it, but I guess I will get by with a little help from my friends.

So Jiahua was asking me if I felt sad after reading the book, cause he thought the story is those classic tragic case, I actually wasn't, cause it kind of made me feel a bit more hopeful about life. Weird but oh well, that was how I felt.

I guess I should really count myself lucky for having the friends I have now, be it my classmates, h4 or bunkmates I have now, cause they really made my NS a lot more fun and I always felt a lot better after talking to them.

On a separate note, ex VHF this week turned out to be really fun. HQ work was really hectic and it can get a little stressful with the commanders around all the time, but it's actually kind of exciting when I press the PTT button, a lot of times not knowing what to say or how to relay a msg, but still doing it anyway cause the commander is hurrying us to make some annoucement or something.

Of course there were lots of funny episodes, like v11 getting lost, v77's exercise msg about their punctured tires that we all thought was real, and v44's long matrix msg which we took damn long to decode only to realise it's something really lame (cbhaha).

drawing and returing of stores before and after the exercise is still a bitch as usual, and once again, it proved to me some ppl just can't be bothered. if i can walk up and down 5 storeys to carry stores for 7 friggin times, there's no reason why you can't do it. and if you don't wanna help, at least hide at some corner so that people cant see you, instead of walking around acting sick.

sometimes i really wonder if it's my problem but not theirs. I mean if i'm whinning and complaining about so many people so often, maybe I'm the one with the problem? Oh well.

And yenshan told me that "you shouldn't help people who don't help themselves" if I were to become a social worker next time cause of some incident that happened in camp. and it kind of got me thinking. though i agree that some people don't deserve the help like the ones I was attempting to help the other day, but isn't it the responsibility of the social worker to get the people who are not helping themselves at all, to start to helping themselves.

so putting it back into the current scenario i'm in, instead of helping them clean the fans, I should encourage them to start cleaning it? But honestly speaking, I can't be bothered to do that, cause it's really a chore to even to talk any sense into them. Guess I'm not cut out to be a social worker too...haha..