Moving On

//Moving On//

Heard from Jeremy that our corps didn't do too well for the zone competition this year. In fact "didn't do too well" is a bit of an understatement, the results are actually quite absymal.

What kind of bothered me is not fact that they lost, but the fact that I didn't actually feel much upon hearing this news. I wasn't particularly sad or pissed over the loss. The first thing that went through my mind was "oh really huh? ok lo".

And that bothered me.

I mean afterall, st john more or less defined my entire 4 years of secondary school life. It's not that I had bad relationships with my secondary classmates or what, but the rapport is just not there as compared to my squadmates. We went through so much together, that it's kind of hard not to have a bond.

And it's not just that, it's also about all the effort we put in over the years. When we entered the corps in sec 1, it wasn't exactly in a very good shape to start with. And bit by bit, we contributed, from simple things like donation cards, flag day, public duties to the actual training itself. The national competition that we trained so so hard for, sacrificing recess to do drills, the whole of saturday to do cases, doing CPR over and over again, yet screwing up pretty badly on the actual day itself though we still managed to get back into the top 3 position for AA in nat comp, which we had not been able to for a long time. That feeling is something I will never forget.

And with that, we took over as NCOs, and that 1 year as a CSM really taught me more than I could have ever imagined. I dare say we did a pretty good job in maintaining the standards.

"train ur juniors well and hard, for it's far more satisfactory bringing ur juniors all the way than being the juniors who went all the way"
- sijie

And that was exactly how I felt when yik hang's team won the champ for the first time in nat comp. The victory may not be mine, but the gratification I get from knowing that the effort I put in in training them paid off far outweighs that for me. At least I know that the changes we implemented, especially in the way we train them for competition, was effective.

So we left a pretty strong corps behind as we pass out to our juniors.

And even after we left, they have been doing relatively well. So by right, it should hurt to know that they did really bad the last 2 years.

But sadly it just doesn't bother me that much anymore.

2 years ago, in July 2007, in the chem lab, while doing a prac which involves heating a test tube (which cracked by the way cause I put it in the flame for too long), I told myself it's time to move on. I still remember I was very emo that day (haha..I was reading an old entry), over my involvement with the corps. I guess I just feel like everything's moving so fast, and I am still not ready to let go of it all. I still wanna go back to kaypoh during their training, I still wanna feel like I'm part of it but the sad fact is it's just not possible. So I was emo-ing to pauline (my sai gung chem lab partner), and that was when I concluded, I just have to learn to move on, though at that time I didn't know how long it will take, or if I can really let go at all.

Now I guess I can confidently say I suceeded.

People in the corps come and leave, it keeps changing, but your squadmates never change, they are always there for you."
- pauline a.k.a my sai gung chem lab partner

There's this sudden urge to organise a squad outing. At least I hope when it comes to my squadmates, there's no such thing as "moving on".