//Tolerance Level//
I actually have a personal statement for ucas to work on, but this is something that has been bugging me for the past 2 weeks...so the personal statement..shall wait.
I always thought I'm a pretty tolerant person. I admit I do get annoyed easily but I do believe I always managed to keep it to myself, and more often than not, resolve issues internally.
Well, that was till I came to where I am right now.
You would think that in the organisation that I'm in right now, with all the nonsense going on, one would feel numb after a while, but apparently not. Almost 1 year in, instead of getting used to the life of a national slave, I find myself getting more and more annoyed with it. And yes, I get annoyed very very easily nowadays too, and it's not hard to imagine why given the nonsense we have to endure. If even someone as zen and as calm as joshua cannot take it, I cannot even imagine how some of my platoon mates or me for that matter of fact got through it. They basically just pushed me right past my tolerance threshold and a lot of times, I just feel like inflicting physical harm on certain people.
Yes, bitching and whinning helped, but all that does for us is just to allow us to vent our frustrations together because at the end of the day the negativity aura is still so strong and it's still there.
So yes, I resorted to eating. Ok, maybe that's probably too mild a word. Gorging on food seems more appropriate. At least I feel like there's still something good in life (in there that is) when I'm gorging on food.
And the worst part is I'm not even talking about the physical stuff they made us do. Like having 7 SOCs in 12 days (or 10 SOCs in fact, since we basically did 4 x SOC today during RT), and all the AGR, strength training, speed training, coy PT etc.
All those stuff, I can understand why we are doing it, and at the end of the day, we do gain from it, though I have to say it can get rather inhumane at times (like 4 SOC trainings in 1 week?!).
I'm talking about nonsensical stuff that we were made to do thanks to the total incapabilities of certain individuals, which I won't even bother to elaborate because it just makes me feel even more sad.
And yes, some of the nonsensical stuff we were made to do may seem trivial to some and not really a big deal, but what's upsetting me the most is that there seems to be no end. History just keeps repeating itself, and nonsense just happens on a regular basis. It's almost like nonsense is part and parcel of my life in that shit hole right now. When there's finally time for some rest, shit will happen without fail. Like terence said, we are pawns afterall.
It has gotten to a point, where I just stop wishing and hoping. There's no need to wish for anything or hope that life will get better, cause it just won't. They have drained all the optimism I have left in me in the past 2 weeks.
There's no point saying 'hang in there' or 'i'll survive!' cause I know I won't die in there, I'll just be annoyed to no end and live miserably for my remaining 380 days.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Saturday, November 08, 2008
3 Shooting Stars, 6 Kangaroos, 1 Wonderful Platoon
//3 Shooting Stars, 6 Kangaroos, 1 Wonderful Platoon//
Ok, that's a disgusting title.
I wanted to blog about my experience in australia, but I just couldn't overcome the inertia to actually do something about it, which is kind of the story of my life. I'm simply too lazy to start to do anything.
But seeing that I've nothing to do now, and I'm sitting in front of my comp, so why not? Just a little on my 20+ days there.
I remember someone asked us what have we learnt from the trip so far (while we were still there that is), and I remember I answered "nothing much actually" then. And now that it's over, I guess the answer is still the same.
I mean honestly speaking, I really don't think I've made any amazing discoveries about myself through this trip, other than the fact that I can eat 3 green packs (+ 1 dessert pack) for dinner (yes, even I'm amazed, but you must take into account I didn't eat lunch that day), and that 'Red Bean Dumpling [with chicken]' is probably the best green pack.
Hardly ground-breaking or earth-shattering discoveries in my opinion.
Maybe the training did not push me to my physical and mental limits, although I do have to admit certain walks are definitely tiring, but thinking back, I think we've all been through worst..so yea. And manning comms in the ever so bumpy and noisy jambu is definitely no joke, but I'm still not deaf yet, so I guess it wasn't that bad. I mean even the idiotic behaviour by certain individuals didn't drive me totally insane.
But I guess the main reason why I coped pretty well with everything is cause of my platoon mates.
So we grit teeth, we roll eyes, we bitch stared but we'll never depart. :]
- yap chin slut
I think that pretty much summed up everything.
Even in the worst situations, faced with the worst people we can possibly meet, they always somehow manage to make me feel not so crappy about it. I guess standing together, bitching about the situation, mocking certain individuals, while silently pushing each other on does help a lot.
So if you asked me what I remember about my days there, I would probably say I remember the 3 shooting stars I saw, the 6 wild kangaroos I saw, the starry starry night sky we see every night while manning comms, the long cold night..especially the night where it dropped to 7 degrees and me, kian hong and chi weng were literally cooking noodles and making hot drinks throughout our shift to keep ourselves warm and occupied, and most importantly I remember how we got through this whole 20+ days together.
Of course there's the RnR, which there isn't actually much to talk about, since it was so boring that cam whoring became our main source of entertainment.
On a separate note, those that I've been talking to recently would probably know that I'm kind of in a 'lost' mode with regards to my education choices (which in a way is linked to what I want in life in general), be it choice of university, course or even country, which is what inspired my last entry.
Well, I sort of had an epiphany yesterday. And no, I didn't gain enlightenment under a tree or through meditation or what. It's actually something my mum said (not to me, she was actually talking to my aunts) that ignite something in me that I thought died a while ago.
And no, it doesn't really help me with my decision over my course and university and so on, but at least now I feel like the direction is clearer, I know what I want long term.
Or at least I think I know, because who knows what I will want in 5 years or 1o years time. But the problem is what I want, is kind of in direct conflict with my main few choices of courses in university right now.
Well, but at least there's a starting point for me to work on now, and mingwei is right, I need to start with what I want in the long run in order to decide what I want to study right now.
Ok..enough with that. I'm finally started with the whole 'get-a-civilian-driving-license' quest, I booked my BTT on 15th Dec 2008, which happened to be my 1 year enlistment anniversary. Please..let me book out on that day...
Ok, that's a disgusting title.
I wanted to blog about my experience in australia, but I just couldn't overcome the inertia to actually do something about it, which is kind of the story of my life. I'm simply too lazy to start to do anything.
But seeing that I've nothing to do now, and I'm sitting in front of my comp, so why not? Just a little on my 20+ days there.
I remember someone asked us what have we learnt from the trip so far (while we were still there that is), and I remember I answered "nothing much actually" then. And now that it's over, I guess the answer is still the same.
I mean honestly speaking, I really don't think I've made any amazing discoveries about myself through this trip, other than the fact that I can eat 3 green packs (+ 1 dessert pack) for dinner (yes, even I'm amazed, but you must take into account I didn't eat lunch that day), and that 'Red Bean Dumpling [with chicken]' is probably the best green pack.
Hardly ground-breaking or earth-shattering discoveries in my opinion.
Maybe the training did not push me to my physical and mental limits, although I do have to admit certain walks are definitely tiring, but thinking back, I think we've all been through worst..so yea. And manning comms in the ever so bumpy and noisy jambu is definitely no joke, but I'm still not deaf yet, so I guess it wasn't that bad. I mean even the idiotic behaviour by certain individuals didn't drive me totally insane.
But I guess the main reason why I coped pretty well with everything is cause of my platoon mates.
So we grit teeth, we roll eyes, we bitch stared but we'll never depart. :]
- yap chin slut
I think that pretty much summed up everything.
Even in the worst situations, faced with the worst people we can possibly meet, they always somehow manage to make me feel not so crappy about it. I guess standing together, bitching about the situation, mocking certain individuals, while silently pushing each other on does help a lot.
So if you asked me what I remember about my days there, I would probably say I remember the 3 shooting stars I saw, the 6 wild kangaroos I saw, the starry starry night sky we see every night while manning comms, the long cold night..especially the night where it dropped to 7 degrees and me, kian hong and chi weng were literally cooking noodles and making hot drinks throughout our shift to keep ourselves warm and occupied, and most importantly I remember how we got through this whole 20+ days together.
Of course there's the RnR, which there isn't actually much to talk about, since it was so boring that cam whoring became our main source of entertainment.
On a separate note, those that I've been talking to recently would probably know that I'm kind of in a 'lost' mode with regards to my education choices (which in a way is linked to what I want in life in general), be it choice of university, course or even country, which is what inspired my last entry.
Well, I sort of had an epiphany yesterday. And no, I didn't gain enlightenment under a tree or through meditation or what. It's actually something my mum said (not to me, she was actually talking to my aunts) that ignite something in me that I thought died a while ago.
And no, it doesn't really help me with my decision over my course and university and so on, but at least now I feel like the direction is clearer, I know what I want long term.
Or at least I think I know, because who knows what I will want in 5 years or 1o years time. But the problem is what I want, is kind of in direct conflict with my main few choices of courses in university right now.
Well, but at least there's a starting point for me to work on now, and mingwei is right, I need to start with what I want in the long run in order to decide what I want to study right now.
Ok..enough with that. I'm finally started with the whole 'get-a-civilian-driving-license' quest, I booked my BTT on 15th Dec 2008, which happened to be my 1 year enlistment anniversary. Please..let me book out on that day...
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