Fly Away

//Fly Away//



Admist chaos, they came.

Chaos as in I was totally busy with tutorials, EOM, PW, SPA, and the endless list of work basically. My room was in a total mess, then before I can get everything ready and in order, it's already 29th July, and in a total disorientated state, I met my buddy Kendall.

2 weeks fast forward just like in the movie "Click".

Admist chaos, they left.

Chaos as in I was feeling totally tired , feeling rather detached from my own life, yet I don't want it to end, I don't them to go back, my mind was just in a huge mess basically...

Then they flew away in the plane...and it just ended.

I did not cry at the airport. I did not cry at the farwell dinner too.

But I cried at a part in the movie "Click".

Weird isn't it?

Watching a movie, crying over a sad scene, it's very direct and straightforward, I'm just sitting there, absorbing in everything, so yes, I cried.

But at the airport, at the farewell dinner, my mind is in a total mess.

There are people crying, there are people feeling ok, but if you ask me what do I feel at that time, I couldn't answer you. I was feeling lost I guessed, I don't want it to end, I don't want them to go, but I start thinking about the work that I can complete once they are gone, how I can finally catch up with my friends, how I can finally get some sleep, it's just very very conflicting, and it just left no room in me to cry.

It's not like movie, where it's direct, it's sad hence you cry, it doesn't work this way in reality, there are a lot other emotions other than sadness that I am feeling at that point.

People are talking about staying in contact, not forgetting each other, and I would very very very much like to say that and to actually do that too. But in reality, how long can this last?

Terence mentioned in his blog before, we are afterall strangers from 2 different parts of the world who got to know each other in a short amount of time, a bond is formed, but time will break this bond eventually. Sooner or later, we would stop chatting on MSN, stop writing to each other...we have to move on eventually....

And in this case, it's even more saddening, cause it's not just a simple get-to-know-each-other in a short period of time, it's living with a person for 2 weeks, and such close bonds are formed.

Yet despite all the promise to keep in touch and so on, you know deep down in your heart that the ending would be the same - it won't last.

This hurts even more than the actual goodbye.

So on that day, I was feeling frustrated too, among all the other emotions I was feeling. A lot of frustration mixed with saddness and a tiny winy bit of relief. I don't know what word to use to describe this feeling, I can just say it's not a good feeling.

I spent my entire Friday sleeping away, partly cause I was really physically tired, but also because I wanna stop thinking about it, cause the more I think about it, the more *wadeva it is* I feel.

Ever since Friday, it was kind of like a withdrawal stage..

Saturday passed with PW meeting...and Sunday passed with a whole day of mugging at Changi Airport...

I was feeling slightly better, then suddenly this song on my playlist started playing...

You can fly so high
Keep your gaze upon the sky
I'll be prayin every step along the way
Even though it breaks my heart to know we'll be so far apart
I love you too much to make you stay
Baby fly away
- Fly Away (Corrinne May)

This was the song that was playing at the hotel during our farewell dinner, before the dinner started, and when it ended as we left the place....

It sort of hit me a little.

I wanted to go the Taiwan so so bad, but chances are we won't be the same 20 people again since we are all attached to different school, and I really don't want to go through this whole farewell thing again...mind at conflict again...

And there's still promos in between, and PW, and god knows what else...

I thought I have sucessfully put this TIP behind me and have moved on, with PW on Sat and mugging on Sun, never was I so productive for a weekend...

I guess I was wrong...I just supress it by keeping myself busy so that I don't think about it...

The song is really bringing me down...yet I'm putting it on repeat...so ironic...I am just the kind that want to listen to sad songs when I'm sad to make myself even sadder...

I had this song in my playlist for a long long time, but it never meant much to me till now...

I really want to blog down what happenend in the past 2 weeks, don't want to forget it...but not today I guess...

.十二月的约定. [hCI]*[06A11] says:
time really flies..the whole thing came n went so quickly

.十二月的约定. [hCI]*[06A11] says:
wat's left is a pile of untouched hmwrk

So true...time just flew away like they did...

Escalator To Heaven

//Escalator To Heaven//



Eating durian at 1.23 am is so sinful.

100th Entry

//100th Entry//

The title says it all.

Initially, I wanted to blog about my long long day on Racial Harmony Day, or the interesting convo I heard on the train today. I also told yc that I will dedicate one entry to Lingky, whom we all miss dearly. (no sacarsm whatsoever)

But I realised it's the 100th entry.

So I decided to make it more special by dedicating it to 3 dear friends of mine.

meng, cheng, terence. (in no order of merit, but I think subconsciously some name just happen to appear at the end...lol)

4 years ago, 4 f us happened to join the same CCA.

Come to think of it, I can't remember how we've gotten to be such good friends, afterall it's been 4+ years.

But I do remember the 4 of us ponning recrea together that day, haha, most of the people go for training, endure the tough training just for the recrea at the end of it. But at that time, 4 of us happened to pon recrea together, cause it's a really hot day, and I guess all of us were really tired after the training, that we rather slack at the side of the basketball court than to play and get more tired.

Seng Choon didn't make it compulsory for us to play, you can't have all 21 of us in the basketball court at the same time anyway, so the 4 of us started to crap with each other.

I still remember Stefanie Sun's "Start" album just came out, and "Gan Lan Shu" was her first single, and the four of us just started singing, and terence began making all the weird weird ugly ugly "dance" movements to fit the song.

And we were crapping, chatting, and Liu Xing Hua Yuan was very popular at that time. And H4 was born.

Later on, we decided that the name is too song and disgusting, so we wanted to change it. Out of the many horrendous names we came up with, "Pi sa Dan Ta" is the only one I can remember for some weird reason.

St John training suddenly became much more bearable after that.

We would spend most of the times before Friday training discussing what would happen today. We would talk about all sorts of stuff.

Then one fine day (it's Saturday), we were having PT, we ran past this red building, SIM. One of the four of us (I think it's cheng), commented that they sell great Peach Tea or juice or something. And being extremely thirsty at that time, we decided to come back after training to try the Peach Tea.

On the way there, we met Seng Choon, who decided to join us for lunch.

That was our first time eating at SIM. And no, they don't sell very nice Peach tea, it's just the normal Peach tea.

Since then, we started to eat together after Saturday training a lot, sometimes with other squadmates too. It's a pity that there are no more Sat trainings cause of the 5 day week.

I can't remember when was the first time we went out together. I think it's a movie, I remember going to the arcade. I think it's after a Sat training. I can't remember.

But one thing I know for sure, I enjoyed it.

I won't go to the extent to say that I'm very anti-social, but the truth is, in my 4 years in Chinese High, they are the first people I went out with together, and subsequently, I only go out with either the 3 of them, or other squadmates.

I also remember the quarrel I had with anyone from school was Cheng. I never really argued with any classmates or schoolmates before in primary school.

We argued over a trivial matter, I think it's about some token being stuck in the machine of the arcade, and cause we shared the token, he wanted to ask the person in charge to help us retrieve it while I don't, so we started arguing.

At that time, I kept a lot of things to myself, I don't talk to others much about how I feel, but with them, I feel very much at ease. I felt comfortable telling them a lot of stuff that I don't tell other people. Those stuff may not be a big deal, but I'm just not comfortable talking about it to other people.

During recess, we would meet at one of our classroom most of the time and hang out together. Most of the time, we don't go down to the canteen, cause of the atrocious queue and the short time we have. We would talk about NCOs, talk about seniors, talk about Lingky, talk about anything.

They basically pulled me through my sec 1 year.

Come sec 2, I was selected to join the comp team as reserve.

I hated it.

I remembered one of the Saturday, I thought there would be comp team training after morning training, so I formulated a "Pon afternoon comp training" plan. During one of the water breaks, I stuffed all my stuff into meng's bag. And I stuffed my empty bag into cheng's bag. Right after dismissal, I would quickly run to the college side toilet and hide. They will then pass me my stuff over there. This is to prevent any NCO from stopping me if they see me carrying a bag going.

Hilarous, just thinking about it makes me laugh at myself.

I hated comp team training so much cause I had so much difficulty keeping up with the sec 3s at that time, and training just ain't the same without them, it is so much more boring, and it got to a point that I decided to just quit.

Ironically, I ended up in comp team in sec 3...but this time round, all 3 of them are in the team too, together with Jeremy. It is just so different as compared to sec 2, mainly because of the company I have during training. They make training tolerable for me I guess.

I can seriously say that I would not have survived 4 years of SJAB if not for the 3 of them and the rest of the squad.

The 3 of them really made my secondary school life so much more memorable.

They influenced me a lot too, as all 3 of them watched Survivor and Amazing Race, I sort of started watching too and got hooked. And Cheng being the reality junkie, watched American Idol at that time too, and not long after he let me listen to some clips, I got hooked onto the show too. And then American Idol doesn't seem to be enough and we started watching Idol shows from other countries.

I refused to call them my best friend. Cause I don't think there's such a thing as "best" friend, it's kind of weird to rank your friends, best friends, good friends, etc, everyone means something to me, and it's very different for everyone.

Hence, I would prefer the term "close friend"

Ain't it good to know that you've got a friend
When people can be so cold
They'll hurt you, and desert you
And take your soul if you let them
Oh, but don't you let them

You just call out my name
And you know wherever I am
I'll come running to see you again
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you have to do is call
And I'll be there
You've got a friend
- Carole King (You've Got A Friend)

*p.s The entry is mushy...the lyrics is really mushy...i'll never write such an entry again I guess...it took me 4 days to write this....cause there's such too much to say...and i don't even know where to start...

Nothing In Particular

//Nothing In Particular//

Don't really feel inspired to blog this few weeks. There are stuff that I want to write about, but the mood is just not there.

Tkd grading, National Comp, Friday night eating at Newton Circle, watching Pirates on Monday night, getting back most of the Block Test papers, the TIP rehearsals and the fact that the day that the Taiwanese are coming is really approaching soon, there are actually stuff going on in my life.

Lots of things other than the usual mundane stuff happening, but nothing really that striking and memorable...I guess this will be few weeks in my life that I will totally forget 10 years down the road....

Tkd grading, nothing interesting, same as last time, except this time round, I did with a whole bunch of really young kids, like 4-6 years old. Cause we do the pattern in groups of 6, and I just so happen to end up in a group of little kids. Unlike last time, I don't think I will fail this time round. No screwups = pass! Double promos...it depends on the judge's mood in my opinion, so I doubt I would get lucky 2 times in a row.

National comp, for me, the competition itself isn't really the highlight of the day. They got 3rd and 7th, not as good as we hoped, but good effort nonetheless. Competitions are like that, you may train very very hard, but if you don't step up on the actual day, it's as good as nothing. Not everyone can do that, that's what seperates the champions from the rest cause I believe everyone trained hard, they step up when they are required too. I guess that's what happen.

The dinner at Macs after the comp is the highlight of the day for me though. To quote xin yi, "squadmates are the best". I don't think I'm the only one feeling this way, and I'm glad for that. A squad of 21...now 20 after Shengjia went Australia, really hoped that we can have some overseas trip or something at the end of this year, even it's just going to someone's house in Malaysia. The mass convo with Shengjia was hilarous, from the convo itself, it seems like he already changed a lot, much to our speculation and expectation..haha...for one, he types in PERFECT ENGLISH now. And I'm freakin' envious of him. He drove in a valley! How cool is that? And he's building his own house....

Moving from squadmates to classmates...went to Newton Circus to eat with mitch, ever and wilson last friday night. We all LOVE FOOD. Quote again..this time from everlyn "i love fridays! i can waste time away without feeling guilty" which is so true. Basically wasted time all the way from 4pm to 8pm waiting for her interact stuff to end. Maybe not really wasted, since I managed to learn how to play "Yu Jian" with one hand on piano...and since I never had any music BG and the only instrument I ever learnt was recorder in primary school, I'm pretty proud with myself...

And went to watch "Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest" on Monday night. Again, wasted time from 3.30 to 6+ waiting for Yuming and Wilson's Bio Olympia talk to end. Good movie I thought, but didn't really leave a very deep impact on me, it disappeared from my mind about half hour after watching it, unlike "Cars"...movie ended around 11pm, reached home at about 11.45pm...fortunately didn't get bitched by my mum other than a "ming tian bu yong du shu huh? (tomorrow no school huh?)

Now for the not so pleasant stuff...block test results...

Bio - Unknown
Chem - U: 38/100
Maths - U: 39/100
Econs - B: 67/100
GP - B3: 67/100

Econs...16/25 for essay and 22/30 for case study...I heard it's essay 60% and case study 40%, hence 67/100, if it's 50 50, it would be 69/100...close to a "A"...the cloest I will ever get I guess..

GP is another pleasant surprise..33/50 for essay and 34/50 for compre...both are the highest grade I ever got for essay and compre. So so satisfied with my compre...thought the fact that I didn't finish my AQ will cost me lots of marks, and it did, 5/10 for AQ...but the rest...especially symmary pulled the marks up...

Chem and Maths are disappointing, and those are the first 2 content subjects I got to know my marks. Double blow. Never would I imagine my Chem to be worse than my Maths, never. But things happen.

Amount of effort put into studying the subjects is really proportionate to the marks this time round, since Econs is the only subject I fully studied all the chapters, I don't expect my Bio grades to be much better than my Maths and Chem, but I definitely hope it's better, since I did put in that little bit of extra effort.

That taiwan guy I'm hosting is coming really soon, and I can feel the excitement already. Seriously, this is the only thing that I'm really looking forward to this term. And the indian dance practice ain't that bad too, it's actually quite fun. Haha.

10 more days.

Funny how I titled this entry "Nothing in particular" and ended up blogging about a lot of stuff. I hate to just recount the events, cause it's boring to write...but I just did, oh well...

I have been thinking about it, I think I should revert back to my stone-like personality...

10 Ways To Improve The School Canteen

//10 Ways To Improve The School Canteen//

I ponned the second half of entrepreneurship day. Expected CS. But nope, Mr Pang decided to get creative this time. The punishment is to write a 500 word essay, and the title is "10 ways to improve the school canteen". Since I wrote it, I might as well post it here:

I used to love to come to the college side canteen to eat when I was studying in Chinese High because the variety of food offered by the college canteen is so much more diverse than that of the high school canteen. However, with the closure of a lot of stalls and the addition of a lot of new stalls recently, the standard of the canteen dropped significantly. Because of that, a lot of students decided to seek alternatives for the below average food in College canteen (such as High School canteen, café at SIM, Coronation, etc) Hence, I proposed these 10 ways to improve the school canteen.

#1: Decrease the rent for stall holders
One of the many reasons why students do not like to eat in the College canteen is the high price. Yes, compared to foodcourt food, it is definitely much cheaper, but compared to a lot of other schools, or even the high school canteen, it is considered quite expensive. Take “Asian Delight” for example, the price is pretty unreasonable for the shockingly small portions. The “Cai Fan” stall also charges the students higher than the high school canteen “Cai Fan” stalls do.

Hence in view of this, I strongly believe that the stalls should lower prices. It would be a win-win situation for both the students and for the stall vendors. Students can enjoy the food at a lower price, and the stall vendors can enjoy better business.

To achieve that, the school will have to lower the rent. By lowering rent, the cost of production would decrease, and this decrease in cost of production would cause the supply to increase (supply curve shifts right). Increase in supply will cause the market price to drop, and at the same time causes the quantity demanded to increase. As canteen food are very price elastic (due to the large number of substitutes), the quantity demanded will increase more than proportionately than the decrease in price, hence total revenue would increase for the stall vendors.

#2: Bring back the favourites
As I mentioned, the college canteen used to be so much of a higher standard. Hence, to improve the canteen, the easiest way would be to bring back the favourite stalls of many students and staff. The orange plate stall that sells fried carrot cake (now the Japanese Food stall) comes to mind immediately. It serves delicious yet cheap food ($1.20 per plate if my memory does not fail me). The noodle stall that sold fantastic laksa ought to be brought back too. Even the Muslim stall is better than a lot of new stalls now. The Ramily burger was one of the best finger food sold in the Hwa Chong canteen.

#3: Increase variety
If the plan to bring back previous stalls fails, then it is about time to ask the current stalls to improve. Take the Japanese food stalls for example, they only sell a few types of Japanese food, compared to RJC Japanese food stall that sells at least twice as much type of Japanese food. Hence, they should try to increase the variety of food they sell.

#4: Sell what you say you would
I also strongly believe that they should sell what they state they would. Look at the “Asian Delight” stall, exactly what “Asian” delights are they selling? Instead, what I see is western food. Look at the Western food stall now, yes they do sell Western food, but why are they selling Nasi Lemak too? Yes, I did mention that they should increase the variety of food, but when I said that I meant to increase the variety of food within the limit of what you are selling (like Jap food, western food, etc).

#5: Presentation is important
Sometimes, it is not just about the food, it is also about how you present your food. Styrofoam bowls and plates hardly do any favours to make your food more desirable. I would really appreciate it if we were served with proper plates and bowls, etc.

#6: Eliminate stalls that really cannot make it
R&B Food Hut – you do not call a bowl of noodle soup with chilli oil laksa. I wonder how this stall got the permit to sell in the canteen in the first place. I suggest that more stringent selection to take place so that such unfortunate incidents like R&B Food Hut somehow getting the permit to sell in the canteen to happen again.

#7: Improve the canteen atmosphere
Like I mentioned, it is not always about the food. The dining environment is very important too. How are we supposed to enjoy our meals when it is always so warm, there are always birds flying around, and you always can’t find a place to sit during peak hours? Hence, I propose that more fans to be installed in the canteen. Air conditioning would be better, however I understand that it would increase the overall costs, which would in turn transferred to the stall vendor through higher rent, and to us through higher price, hence more fans will do. It would be very advisable to increase the size of the canteen. The school population is increasing, and I can see this trend to continue for the next few years, hence a bigger canteen is definitely necessary.

#8: Shame the worst stalls
A vote should be carried out monthly via EMB (or any other means) to determine the worst stall of the month. If Stall A is the worst stall for January, it will NOT be eligible for the votes in February. The worst stall of the month will be labeled. This can prevent unsuspecting victims from buying from that stall (I feel so bad for the high school boys who bought from the R&B Food Hut the other day). It can also prevent patrons of that stall to buy from it. Hence, with so few costumers for that month, the stall will be spurred to increase the quality of the food and service. They may think of promotions to attract costumers too.

#9: Increase the efficiency
One of the problems of the current canteen is the lack of efficiency in many stalls. They are quite slow in serving the food and so on, and this causes long queues to occur, causing the already small canteen to be even more crowded. Hence, a time limit should be imposed to each stalls for serving the food, if they exceed the time limit, a 50% discount would have to be given.

#10: Transfer of resource
If all else fails, I highly recommend the school to shut down the canteen and use the maintenance fee of the canteen to charter buses for free to various eating places around the school, like the High School Canteen, SIM, Beauty World, Bukit Timah Plaza, Bukit Timah food centre, Adam Road food centre, etc.

AND FOUND

//AND FOUND//

And the wallet was found.

I really can't seem to lose this wallet, lost it in Hougang when I was in sec 3, and 3 months later it wind up at Jurong Police Post.

Zeqi/Yu Ming found it under the chain in audi ytd after CT session, and brought it to the General Office. And today, the first thing they asked me when I came school was "Is there any money in the wallet you lost" and once I said no, they told me it's in the General Office.

So it's found! Woohoo!

On a sadder note, my favourite guy and girl from Canadian Idol 4 are both eliminated tonight. They just missed the top 10 by this tiny bit.

Sad but true.

LOST

//LOST//

Lost my wallet today!

Not the one with my EZLink, Tapz Card, and all the funny funny stuff that I got from my angel as Vdae gift.

It's the one that I've been using since primary 5 till Feb this year.

As I'm collecting money for Maths TYS this few days, AND keeping money for Taiwan Immersion program (TIP), I decided to bring an extra wallet so as not to mix up my own money, class money and TIP money. So I used this old wallet to keep the class Maths TYS money, and ALL the receipts for TIP.

In case you're from 06S71, and are freaking out right now cause you thought I lost ALL the money too, rest assured it didn't happen. I already paid for the Maths TYS this afternoon, hence there's zero dollars in the wallet when it got lost.

Which leads me to the point: I wouldn't even have lost it if I did not go to pay for the TYS! BOTH the receipts and the money WOULD NOT be gone! Cause it would have been in my bag and not in my pocket (i put it in my pocket after paying in the bookshop), and I strongly believed that it dropped out of my pocket somehow (how can it not drop when there are 2 wallets in 1 pocket).

But I didn't even know where I dropped it, in audi, in the bookshop, at the class bench, on the bus? I already called the bus interchange to ask them let me know if someone found an empty wallet with 4 receipts inside. I also got a friend's friend to check the bookshop too. No luck yet.

I guess I won't be as lucky as I was the last time I lost this old wallet. The last time I lost it (in hougang), I reclaimed it back at a police post at Jurong 3 months later.

And the receipts are really important.

They are worth 335 bucks, 80 bucks for shawls, 38 bucks for fabric to make sari top, 172 bucks for sari tops, 45 bucks for accessories. June Yang fork out the money so that we can pay for all these stuff first, and we are supposed to pass her the receipts so that she can claim money from school, and now I lost the receipts. Great.

Fortunately, the 80 bucks shawls and 172 bucks sari tops' receipts are handwritten, so I can probably go back to the shops and BEG the owner to write me another receipt. I'm gonna BEG the shop owner to help me cheat too by writing receipts for the accesories and fabric too.

Best thing is if I can find the wallet.

Went RJC today for TIP rehearsal. It beats HC in size (the college side so tiny compared to RJC), food in canteen (with the closure of so many stalls, HC canteen sucks big time, it used to have nice food, like when I was in sec 2-3, not anymore), uniform (HC uniform makes gd-looking ppl looks uglier, and ugly people looks even more ugly).

BUT I can proudly says HC beats RJC in one aspect.

DOU HUA

RJC's canteen's dou hua sucks big time, looks like it's been kept overnight, a bit nua nua like that, the syrup thing is totally not sweet, and it's so not cold when it's supposed to be.

Met 3 ppl I knew too.

A primary school classmate (haven't been in contact for years), a secondary school classmate (for 4 years somemore), and someone I just know this year.

Pri sch classmate: I was so shocked to see him at first, I was like "omg", cause I really have not seen him in a long long time. Didn't chat that much anyway, he told me he almost signed up for TIP, lol...

Sec sch classmate: I didn't see him, but he saw me, was really excited to see him, and he just proves the point that HC uniform is ugly. Showed us the way to J8 too.

Smo I just knew this year: Saw him, but he was talking to his friend, plus I don't know him that well, so decided not to go say hi, since he might not even recognise me. But later he came say hi while talking on the phone, and I was sort of in a daze cause I was discussing with Aik Leng all the possible places I might have lost my wallet.

You've Got A Friend

//You've Got A Friend//

When you're down and troubled
And you need some loving care
And nothing, nothing is going right
Close your eyes and think of me
And soon I will be there
To brighten up even your darkest night
- Carole King (You've Got A Friend)

Some time ago, a friend of mine was complaining to me about his class, how he don't feel close to his class at all, how he don't have much close friends in the class and so on...and while chatting with him, I came up with a list of "Types Of Friends We Have", which actually translates to "Types of Friends I Have" since different people have different ways when it comes to interpersonal relationships...

I was actually trying to console him by telling him that it's impossible to be close to all your friends, it depends on the chemistry and whether the 2 of you click...

Type 1: "Hi-Bye" Friend
A better word would be acquaintance. These are the people whom you will wave or smile at them when you see them when you're in better mood, and will pretend not seeing them when you're in a bad mood. People falling under this category are mainly ex-classmates that you didn't talk more than 10 sentence with before, and your friends' friends whom you know exists, but hardly talks.

Type 2: "Big-group" Friend
These are the people who you normally hang out with only if it's a big group thing. In the big group, you usually don't speak more than 10 sentence with him each time. If you happen to sit opposite him during lunch/dinner outings, you will tend to talk to people on his left or right more than to him. When you do talk to him, topics such as "How's the food?", "Have you done your tutorial?", "What do you think of this tutor?", etc are the usual topics, and one word or short answers are to be expected. If somehow you end up on the same bus as him on the way home, the awkward silence may just kill both of you.

Type 3: "Something-in-common" Friend
These people are similar to type 2, not very close, BUT difference is with type 2, you talked about weather, with this type of people, you talked about the something in common between the two of you, for eg two of you went for same camp/attachment/course or both of you happen to like this show or something. The conversation tends to last longer, with longer replies, and when one topic fails, another would come up. If somehow you end up on the same bus as him on the way home, you would probably die of killing too much brain cells to think of topics to talk about, when you exhausted the list of topics you have. (but for me, I won't even attempt most of the time)

Type 4: "Online" Friend
This won't apply to a lot people I guess, but these are the people that you will tend to chat a lot online, but will have nothing to chat about face-to-face. This kind of thing usually happens when both parties are reserved and quiet and have difficulty expressing himself.

Type 5: "Yo Brother" Friend
These are the people you will go "Hey dude!" when you see him in school, and the 2 of you can basically talk crap with each other the whole day, but the things you talked about as I mentioned are purely crap, all superficial talk, never will you talk about person stuff...and once school holiday starts or once graduated, he will be very very fast off your radar.

Type 6: "Activity" Friend
People whom you will go out and do stuff with, like KBox, Mahjong, play sports, etc (since these stuff are not everyone's cup of tea). Other than going out and doing stuff with them, personal stuff are seldom talked about.

Type 7: "Close" Friend
This is a tricky one. If he shows characteristics from type 3 to type 6, he may very well be your clsoe friend. But close friends are the people you will never have awkward silence with (cause the silence just wouldn't feel awkward). Close friends are the people you will not mind doing stupid stuff with. (but this vary, some people are juz so thick skin that they don't mind doing stupid things in front of everyone). Close friends are people are the first person you think of when you want to rant at something. Close friends are people who will definitely be there when you desperately needs help. Close friends are people whom you hope to see their greeting sms on birthdays, but won't feel mad if they forgot to send you one. And for me, close friends are the people that I dare to say no to. Let's say someone ask me to go out, and I don't want to, I would squirm and find all sorts of excuses (cause that's just me), but for close friends, I could just say no I don't want to.

On a totally random note, I realised for me, good things come in 4.

I give up, there are just so many types of people, so many types of friends, and all these overlaps. I mean there are people I know now, that I may be quite close too, talked about all sorts of stuff, but don't expect to keep in contact after graduation. There are people I don't talk to as much, but expects to keep in touch in years to come.

Anyway, since I'm on this topic, let me talk about 2 other related stuff, class chalet, and st john nat competition.

Class chalet on Mon to Tue, turnout was, how can I describe it? sad? bad? (funny how both ends with ad) It feels terribly awful when 5 of us were sitting in the foodcourt having dinner and another class from HC of around 20 people walks in to have dinner too.

The chalet was so cheap and it's such a great deal, but the number of people that turned up are fewer than I can count with my fingers. Wheras for the other class, what they EACH have to pay for 3d2n is more than what everlyn paid in TOTAL for the 5d4n, yet so many people turned up.

I guess I just have to convince myself that many in the class take Chinese. And that it's very last minute thing, so they all have fantastic plans for post-blocks activities already.

I'm not pissed or mad or anything by the way, if you think I am, from reading the above paragraphs. I just feel that it's very wasted. Nevermind, it's not like we are going to have a class outing or chalet anytime soon anyway. I guess I should just rely on having a few type 7 friends rather than having a whole bunch of type 2 and 3 friends. I have more fun that way.

St John nat comp, it's tomorrow! I'm really excited for them, hope they do well. Meng told me that around 15 people from the squad are going (out of 20 left in Singapore). I just feel a sense of happiness. Lol, don't ask me why. I think the fact that we all still care about St John makes me happy. Maybe we don't really care, but we bother to go down and show some support for the juniors at the very least. And it's not like only the comp team members in the squad care, those who weren't in comp team last time are going down too, as I quote from minghao's nic "TCHS SJAB for DOUBLE CHAMP"...well...a bit impossible, but as long as they tried, I'm happy.

Damn tkd grading for falling on the same day.

Oh, and I know the name of the taiwan student I'm hosting! Kendall You Zhi Qun. He's skinny! 28 inch waist.

The End

//The End//

Before anything else, let me declare the end of block test finally after a long gruelling week. The word "gruelling" is very misleading, cause it made it sounds like I mugged so hard for the tests.

The only paper I'm fully prepared for is Econs, but it is also one of the most unpredictable subjects for me cause I never know how well/bad I did for my essay, so it's not a sure pass for me.

Something that's definite though, is my Maths and Chemistry. Double kill in one day.

I spent my entire wednesday muging maths with yc at Sumo House (with free flow of green tea!) only to fail it the next day, and I do mean fail when I say it, cause it's not possible to pass a test when the marks for the questions you left blank is more than half the total marks.

And Chemistry, I started studying on Wed night at 9pm (started as in never even read the notes at all throughout the hols), and fell asleep at 11pm. Which means I only studied 2 chapters, organic chem and alkanes. I went to school with 6 topics left to go..and it's really a sad thing, cause Chemistry paper, is not that hard in the sense that there are lots of questions that you can score if you studied. So basically I screwed up those questions. Tuff questions, I can't possibly not screw them up. Extremely easy questions, my only hope is screwed too when I misread the question and did the whole question wrongly. It's the "Identify A and B" type of qns then the rest of the questions will be based on A and B, I actually went to identify C and D...no wonder fluorine and neon don't form oxides...

Biology, surprisely, may be my only hope at passing, and no, before you start thinking I studied hard to Bio, let me reassure you that it's cause what was tested was what I studied, what I didn't studied happen not to be tested.

So it's the end of the block test. Well, it's really the end. It is not impossible for me to fail all my subjects, with 2 confirmed down and 2 unpredictable papers, I wouldn't actually be surprised if I fail all 4 subjects. But please don't let me fail GP! I know I didn't finish my AQ, but I thought I did ok in my essay...I don't think I can take the blow of failing literally EVERYTHING.

It's kind of disgusting that I am typing so much about block test which is already over anyway. I think a part of me just can't get over it. Must get over it.

Chalet tomorrow...it's a sad sad thing...

Past & Future

//Past & Future //

Watched "Cars" last Saturday, I must say it's one of the best animated films I've watched in a while. What makes it so good for me is the story line, and not the humour quotient, because I can immediately think of lots of other animated films that are funnier than "Cars".

But the thing that appeals to me the most about this movie is "feeling of getting away". The little town Radiator Springs that Lightning McQueen ended up at seems like the perfect little town for a short getaway, getaway from the mundane life here. The graphics are breathtaking, and I find myself gasping at the beautiful scenary. It looked this real.



I have always fantasized about going away to some far far away places, some little towns, or the countryside, somewhere peaceful I guess...and this idea is totally so tempting and appealing when I'm burnt out from all the work..when I feel emotionally drained trying to do everything from CCA to studies to family...

I haven't had this feeling for a long time, but watching this movie just sort of rekindles that little spark in me...so since getting away to a far far away place is totally impossible at the moment right now, especially with block tests coming up, I can only settle for the second best right now.

A St John camp in school.

I guess it can be considered a little getaway for me, I'm out of my house at least, and I loved the school compound (as in the high school side), and especially so at night, late at night. It is just so peaceful and tranquil, so I did get to go to "somewhere peaceful" like I wanted I guess...

It was a fun 3 days...when mw yc and i climbed out of the gates on mon night to go out to 7-11 to buy stuff...I can't remember when was the last time we did this together...if I'm not wrong, it was in sec 1, when we had to go for the hike to Toa Payoh at 3 am in the morning...

The late night mugging session together was memorable too, I mean how often do you mug together with your good friends in the middle of the night like 3+ , in a school classroom somemore...but I believed we did eat more than we study...from all the snacks to leftover rice from dinner, I think it's hard for me not to get fat now...

Lying down in the street soccer court at 1+...talking to yc while sending the sec 2s one by one off for their confidence trail....that was really a peaceful moment. Imagine 10+ people, all lying in the street soccer court, no one is talking at all, and as you lay there looking up at the night sky, all you hear is nothing basically...that's Hwa Chong at night...for the past 80+ years...it's been the same every single night...and there you are...being a part of it...

Almost all the people I have talked to prefered secondary sch to jc...for all the different reasons....from studies to cca to friends...is jc really that bad? For me, I actully do enjoy my jc life a lot, maybe i didn't really had tt good a secondary sch experience...i mean i LOVE tchs...the school compound, the teachers...i guess i just didn't really live it to the fullest...cause nothing really makes me wanna turn back in time and go back to secondary sch life except st john...

In the street soccer court, yc asked me what's the single most memorable experience in my 4 years in tchs...and my mind went blank for that moment...he told me his was the Perth Trip...and I began thinking about my Yunnan trip...which was fun and really cool, but it didn't strike me as the "most memorable experience" type...then what came to my mind after that was the St John camps...so without thinking much...I told him the sec 1 st john camp was the most memorable...cause of the "shock" factor...I didn't know what to expect...so it did shock me, and scenes from that camp is still fresh in my mind....

now...thinking back on that question...i m starting to remember more stuff....projects day grand finals in sec 4...the Passing out parade in 2004 (when we became NCOs)...the passing out parade in 2005 (when we passed on to the next batch)...zone comp....nat comp....

National comp would be my answer. Nothing beats the moment when the results were announced. Screwing up and still getting 3rd is pretty impressive huh? (though i'm not particularly proud of the fact that we screwed up..)

The place in High school that I missed the most is definitely the EP3 block....definitely...since it doesn't exist anymore. I'm glad they didn't totally demolised the whole building...cause there are just too much memories there...

I shall stop with all the nostalgic stuff...no point keep thinking about the past right? We should all learn to look forward to our future...and looking forward now...I see nothing in my future except....

Block test.

If block test is all I see in my future, then i wouldn't hesitate to say that my future seems rather bleak...really bleak in fact...

I keep trying to convince myself that I should not mug so hard for this test, cause what's the point really? Mug so hard...if the effort translates to grades...then I probably get As and Bs...then what? Yes I will be happy with good grades...who wouldn't?

But I failed...I couldn't convince myself...there's still a part of me telling me that I should mug hard...put in my best effort...not to slack...

It's like a struggle...angel VS devil...so I tried to study...but half-heartedly...really slowly...but somehow...this time round... I more or less can forsee what kind of grades I will get...study or not...it will be lousy...I really don't know what kind of questions to expect...

It sucks...to know that no matter how hard you study...you will get sucky results (this is not the sucky part)...yet you can't stop yourself from feeling the need to study (this is the sucky part)...and when you don't study...you feel damn guilty...

Shall stop ranting about block test now...to much sad/bad stuff in this entry...shall end it off with something happier...

Another friend of mine just got attached! Love makes the world go round huh? Haha...and they look compatitable together...all the best!

"I want to go back..."

//"I want to go back..."//

Don't you just feel like going back in time to relive some of the more memorable experiences in your life....

Meng seems to enjoy the thailand ocip trip so much that he wishes to go back (as seen in his msn nickname)...in fact i've heard nothing but good things about the thailand trip...

Kai Herng seems to have enjoyed himself during this attachment to IBM for his SRP...at least he told me "the whole thing is quite fun...except for one thing" (which of course I won't mention here)...

My attachment at SCS was really fun too...if not for the block tests, I wouldn't mind staying on for 2 more weeks over there, even doing SG work for them is pretty fun cause we get to meet all kinds of people everyday (especially at the welfare and hospice homecare dept)...

I decided not to write too much about the SCS attachment, I think I had written enough in the reflection booklet that needs to be handed in...uploading pictures would be much easier and it would says so much more...


The legendary SG room in the welfare department where all the welfare work are done...


The welfare department people...Melissa, Jay, Shaun, Karl, me, Sylvia and Wendy...(from left to right)

Melissa likes to go around poking guys, cause Jin Juan has the theory that guys who are scared of tickling will be good husbands next time..-_-...she actually studied "Social Work" in university....which makes me go wow...I didn't know there was such a course, or that you need to spend so many years in university studyin about social work to be a social worker...

Jay literally gave us an sexual education lesson...when he saw us reading the article entitled "LET'S TALK ABOUT SEX!" in a magazine after lunch(found on SCS waiting area table somemore...) As one of the girls is really curious about lots of stuff...Jay gave us the sex ed lesson...lol...in a professional way somemore...cause he studied "Psychology" in university...the lesson is really in depth...without being too graphic or obscene...lol

Shaun is a medical student in NUS right now, working temp at SCS since it's his holidays now...+ he has a ex Hwa Chong gf right now who is also studying medicine in NUS...

Karl...well..is just Karl...

It's really good in the sense that they all studied different things in university yet they all end up doing the same job...a social worker..and it's interesting to listen to Jay and Melissa talk about their experiences from their previous jobs...it was a good chance for me to know more about career options and stuff...since I don't really have a concrete idea what I wanna be next time, or even what I want to study...


(From left to right) Wendy, me, Amelia, Janice, Sylvia, Jin Juan and Hwee Ping.

Janice was really nice to us too, and she talked to us a lot about what she studied in university (economics) and how she ended up being doing a Public Relations job...and it's exciting to listen to Amelia and Hwee Ping (from Fund raising department) talk about the fund-raising projects they had....


The hospice homecare nurses: Mee Hong, Poon Kuan & Mui Hong...

I took the most number of taxi rides I had in my life with Mee Hong....6 taxis in 7 hours....from Tanjong Pagar to Ang Mo Kio to Yishun to Tampines to Pasir Ris....visited 6 patients in 1 day...all with different types of cancer...it's really a cool experience....and out of the 12 patients that Jin Juan and I visited in those 3 days...2 passed away during the time of our attachment....it makes me feel like we are cursed or something...and it's like we see her on Mon..she passed away on Tue...the other patient we saw her on Tue...she passed away on Wed....I didn't even get to see so much deaths in the hospital attachment to NUH A&E Department last time in St John...



These are the little gifts we gave them on our last day....it's nice...yet it don't cost a single cent! Jin Juan just moved house...so she got lots of tiles at home, so she just brought them, and we drew on them...and wrote messages at the back...and it's obvious I didn't take part in the drawing process...if I did..the tiles wouldn't be so nice anymore....

Life Path Number

//Life Path Number//

Your Life Path Number is 4

Your purpose in life is to build your vision. You are practical and responsible. You work hard, knowing that there are no shortcuts in life. You work for a better life for yourself and those you love, but you are not an idealist. Trustworthy and honest, you also demonstrate great courage. People can count on you. In love, you are a loyal and committed partner. You are the ideal spouse. You don't give up easily, and sometimes you can be too stubborn and unwilling to change. You also can be too conservative at times. You sometime miss out on good opportunities. Also remember that not everyone can work as hard as you, as disappointing as that is!

What Is Your Life Path Number?

The whole description is actually quite true...except the hardworking part. But I used to be hardworking...so I guess the hardworking part is true to a certain extent too...the real problem with the description is the "you also demonstrate great courage" part...I don't really think I do...

The stubborn and unwillingness to change part is spot on, and the conservative at times, causing me to miss out on good opportunities part...very true...but you must note...i am conservative at times....not always...

Jamie Cullum

//Jamie Cullum//

I have wanted to change my blog template for a long long long time since god knows when, but each time I tried, I gave up half way through...

I'm a very picky person, I wanted to choose a template that somehow potrays the feeling of "Lost", be it a endless road, lots of road signs etc, and in fact, I've found lots of nice templates, but they all belong to the "navigation" type, meaning you will have to click to view my entries, click on another link to see the tag board etc, and I don't like this kind of template. I prefer the "everything-appears-in-single-page" type.

And being very picky, I will always find flaws with the template, I may dislike the scroll bar colour, I may hate the cursor look, etc, and sadly, my HTML skills is as good as my Maths, so I can't really edit them to my liking...

So after so long, I finally gave up on finding a blog template that suits all my requirments cause I simply can't find it, and I change my search to something else..."Jamie Cullum", since I happen to be listening to his album at the moment, and I realised I quoted lots of his lyrics in my entries...so tada! This is the first template that I found...

I like the template itself, as in the arrangement of everything, the tagbox, links at the side etc, clearly divided by boxes etc...more so than the banner on top. So I tried to change the banner on top to something else, a picture that I really really liked a lot, but it turns out a bit plain, so I decided to stick with this banner....

I really wanted to blog about the TAG experience at SCS, but...somehow...I just don't know what to write...it would be boring to just give an recount of what went on, furthermore i've exhausted all my reflections on the diary thing that the teachers ask us to keep...

On a different note...I FOUND MY BROTHER'S BLOG!!! Lots of dark secrets there!! HAHAHA!!! And guess how I found it? You see the bravenet counter on the left? There is a "referrer" function, meaning I can see how people came to my blog, whether it is a direct hit, or it is linked from other blogs or what, so I saw this blog that linked here, so I went to check it out, and it's his!!!

Speaking of the referrer thing, there are weird people out there who search for weird things, and tada! They came to my blog!

Examples:
Mann Ying
HC Taekwondo
04S71

So they are people out there...who is so no life that they searched for "HC Taekwondo"?? And mann ying...be careful...you've got a stalker!!! And I wonder why would someone search for "04S71"..if he/she is in 04S71...how can he/she not know the class blog address? If he/she is not, then search for what?

I guess boredom can cause people to do weird stuff...

Cancer, Birthday & A Wedding!

//Cancer, Birthday & A Wedding!//

Attachment to Singapore Cancer Society (SCS) was fantastic, really glad I signed up for it. Met lots of great people, and I learnt so much from them, not just what they do in SCS, their job scoops etc, but career guidance in general, and lots of interesting and funny stuff...in fact i' went to Jay's wedding yesterday (one of the staff at SCS)..it's great...will update again about the attachment and the wedding some time soon...

Birthdays are important. I know, I walked out of my last one and it never occurred to me that I wouldn't get another. She may not know it but she needs to celebrate her birthday, we all do. Don't take it for granted.
- Charmed

This is actually something I wanted to blog about since 7th June, but there's quite a lot of stuff going on in my mind, like the block test i have not yet started studying AT ALL, the call to National Heritage Board to request for interview for PW which I obviously haven't made, the empty survey forms that are not filled up, the meeting minutes for PW that are pilling up, the reflections for attachment that are not complete...whenever I sit down and try to write something, nothing comes out...this is the 3rd time I tried to write an entry on birthday...

See...I've already digressed so much from the topic itself, tell me how to pass GP like that? How to pass GP huh? But I'm starting to feel the stress...everyday, people would ask me questions on MSN, what is this, how to do this question..etc..and I try my best to answer them, but guilt hit me each time when they ask me any questions. I tried to use the attachment as an excuse for not studying, so that I feel less guilty, but still, I have time at night to study, I just choose to idle them away...

Ok, I really digress too much already...so birthdays...yea..they are special aren't they? That very day...you were born!! But I never really took it very seriously ever since I came to secondary sch, I would look forward to it yes, but most of the time, it just feels like a really normal day to me...for the past 4 years, my birthdays have been quite plain and normal (except sec 2), I was either at St John camp (sec 1), St John training (sec 4) or it was so so forgettable that I forgot what I did that day (sec 3)...*after writting the whole entry, I remembered what I did that day!!!!! 6th June was First Aid National Comp, 7th June I was too tired so I spent the whole day at home slacking! I think...but winning 2nd runner up is probably the best present all these years...

I don't usually get presents from anyone including family (other than once from my sis and once from yc, meng and terence), I don't usually get birthday smses (other than a few sjab squad mates..and zhiyong i think)...I do get birthday cakes, but I hate the sing song cut cake part, cause though I may appear a bit attention seeking at times, I hate the limelight...so people sining birthday songs for me...looking at me cut the cake...makes me feel awkward and uneasy, like I want to find a hole and and just hide myself inside..

I got used to it actually, it's nothing to get sad over really, since I never tell anyone about my birthdays anyway...(but who would go around advertising your own birthdays anyway?)..and there are people out there suffering a much worse fate than me...so I can't really complain..

So looking at the quote up there..."Birthdays are important, don't take them for granted", it didn't really feel much to me...maybe it did, but what can I do? My life is that boring, and not even a birthday will spice it up....

But working at SCS over the past 2 weeks, especially the first 3 days, where we met so many cancer patients, seeing how unpredictable life can be, how misfortune may just strike anytime, that quote meant so much more to me...

This year, things are a little different, I got a record breaking 19 smses!! Lol..a couple of MSN greetings, a E-card and a HAND MAKE CARD! Haha...got presents from my classmates too...like all of them...how can I not like them when most of the stuff they gave me are the stuff I wanted anyway...so I can say I'm a pretty happy man that day...

Let me recall how it started...I woke up...I saw 3 smses...I wash up and get ready, went Heartland Mall to get chocolates for the 3 of them cause Wendy bought chocolates and sweets on her birthday too, then went down to SCS. Spent the morning writing the article that Janice requested for...



Yes, that was me typing while Jing Juan was slacking and sleeping...see..her head so big it block me till I can't type lor...

Then in the afternoon after lunch, went over to the Public Education department, after some briefing, what was there for us to do?? SG!! SAIGANG!! Spent the rest of the time keying in feedback form results, and for some weird reason, we need to key in the name, address, emaill add, tel no...in addition to the results, I mean why bother? But nevermind, since we were told to do so, we did...till 6.20 pm before we left...

Met my classmates at Kovan MRT at 7 pm, I wanted to go home, bath then meet them, but too bad, the SG work ended so late...so I was feeling super tired...my energy level was really low at that point...

The time spent at my house...well, I guess my house is as boring as me and my life, it's all connected....so yar...you get the picture...some of us entertained ourselves by playing Mahjong and bridge...those who don't...well...I guess they died of boredom....haha...

The stayover...was HORRIBLE for me!! I can barely keep my eyes open at 11pm liaoz, can you imagine...I was literally playing mahjong with my eyes close...I only open my eyes when I hear the mahjong hit table sound...to check if i want that tile...but I managed to last till 5+...which is not bad...

So poof..my birthday's over...time really flies when you're enjoying yourself...well I guess not haha..since I spent most of the time that day doing SG work...but this year's birthday is quite different, and definitely a memorable one...at least I will never forget all the funny funny weird weird names I entered while keying in the feedback data....

Fund Raising

//Fund Raising//

Daily updates: Another patient that I visited during the home visits on Tuesday passed away today. This is pretty unexpected, cause her condition is considered stable when we visited her on Tuesday.

This time round, the reaction is surprise rather than sadness. Maybe cause the patient's quite old already, or it could be I'm starting to get numb to all these news.

Was attached to the Fund raising department today. When the person briefing us on Monday told us that we would help in some of fund-raising projects on Thursday, I was quite skeptical cause I don't think there's much we can do in 1 day. I was so wrong.

We were supposed to help sell some home-made cards and so on made by this patient's wife in our school...and we had to plan it now...cause this patient, he can't work, so can't his wife, cause she had to take care of him, their son, and her mother-in-law (who've got stroke)...

So spent the entire afternoon watching some videos from the charity show from the last 2 years, and drafting the proposal...

I can't believe I cried so many times from watching the various clips of the patient's condition (those little segments during the charity shows)...espeically the parts where the parents (with cancer) cried, and say they wanna watch their kids grow up...etc...I can totally relate to that (not that I have kids or anything)...and evil Sylvia was laughing at me...

1 more day to lots of fooooood at the Interact BBQ...

Rest In Peace

//Rest In Peace//

Yep, she has moved on. She passed away around 12.30 pm yesterday, about an hour after we left.

Rest in peace...

Met a 26 year old patient today. Brain tumour. Diagnosed in 2004, one of the later stages already, nothing the doctor can do except symptom control.

Can't talk, can't eat (need to rely on tube feeding), lies in bed the whole day, the only way of communication with family is through simple gestures like nodding and so on, and also through sms. His head is very bloated (due to the medication)

He was a very healthy person before and even when he was diagnosed with cancer, runs everyday, loves to cycle, even went Malaysia for mountain biking before. There wasn't even much obvious symptoms, except some headaches, etc. He was left with half a year before he can graduate from university when he had to go for the brain operation, sadly, he had not graduated, and is unable to carry on with his studies with his condition like that now.

If there's anything that the attachment did, it deters me from becoming joining the Singapore Cancer Society or some similiar organisations like that in the future. Can you imagine meeting patients like the one I just mentioned above everyday? Like the nurse told us, it's depressing stuff everyday, that's why they need to take leave and go on holidays once every few month...to get out of this depressing life.

Block test suddenly seems to be so not important now...in fact preparation for block tests is still non-existant.

Can't wait for Interact BBQ...FOOOOOOOD!!

Live Like You Were Dying

//Live Like You Were Dying//

This entry is dedicated to her...

Attachment at Singapore Cancer Society started yesterday. First 3 days are home visits, 2 of us were attached to a nurse and we followed her around to for all the home visits for the cancer patients.

First patient...she wasn't in the nurse's schedule for the day, but her family member called the society and requested that the nurse go down to take a look cause she's been suffering from constipation. So we went down to her house.

She was lying on her bed, literally stoning. She's got lung cancer and it had already spread to other parts of the body, so apparently the tumour was pressing on some nerves, thus she is considered paralysed. I believe she still know what's happening around her cause when the nurse ask her to open her mouth and so on, she can follow simple instructions, but she totally cannot move herself and talk etc.

So the nurse settled the constipation problem...other than the fact that she's a bit dazed and paralysed, she actually seems pretty ok, as in she still seems very much alive.

Today, the nurse received a call from the family again. So we went down again. After 4 years in St John, I always wonder how the symptom "gasping for air" look like, well today I finally saw it for myself. She wasn't in much distress, but she was indeed gasping for air.

When we arrived at the house, the scene was very familiar. Quite a few of her family (as in not immediate family) are there, all her children are present (except one who cannot be contacted). We entered her room. It was filled with Buddhist chanting kind of music. Both her son and daughter's eyes are red, apparently they had been crying. Then I remembered what it reminded me of...the day my grandma passed away...exact same scene (just that my grandma already passed way by the time I reached home)..I still remember receiving that sms "ah siang gu gu here, grandma passed away, don't panick, just come home after school", and I was with Kai Herng that time in the Staff room.

The nurse took her pulse, blood pressure, etc...look at all her symptoms, and told the family members "not optimistic". She feels very cold (according to the nurse, apparently the blood are all flowing back to the heart to sustain it?), and also for the first time, I finally saw how cyanosis looked on the finger nail, and we didn't even have to test for capillary refill, cause it's blue black to start with. All these symptoms, according to the nurse, simply means that the end is near.

It really struck me, I mean the day before she looked fine etc, the very next day she's dying?

The nurse was telling her eldest daughter (23 years old) to be mentally prepared, prepare the photos and stuff, and it is then that she realised that her mum didn't specify what photo to use and lots of stuff, "她什么都没有交代，只是叫我要照顾弟弟妹妹"...I guess it really came as a shock...

He said I was in my early forties
with a lot of life before me
when a moment came that stopped me on a dime
and I spent most of the next days
looking at the x-rays
Talking about the options
and talking bout sweet time
- Tim McGraw (Live Like You Were Dying)

And the saddest thing is she only discovered she got lung cancer back in March this year. And she's really young, at most at most 50? Her youngest son is only 16. It's just depressing to see her son and daughters crying, especially her 2nd daughter (the one that cannot be contacted initially), who was really crying like mad like in those drama serials and keep calling to her mum for some response.

I asked the nurse how long does she think the patient will last, and she said it should be about hours to day, and she emphasized that she say "day" or "days".

Life's really unpredictable...in a matter of just 2 months after her diagnosis, her condition has already worsen so much...seriously...you never know when this may happen to you or the people around you, it's just so unpredictable. For all you know, the building may just collapsed now or something and I'll be dead.

This song never meant so much to me as it did today...

I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter
and I gave forgiveness I'd been denying
and he said someday I hope you get the chance
To live like you were dying
- Tim McGraw (Live Like You Were Dying)

May a miracle happen...let it happen please...

Taekwondo

//Taekwondo//

The competition's over.

The yellow belts didn't win anything. Results was quite expected actually, but no doubt we still feel disappointed. For me, it's not really cause we didn't win anything, since we didn't expect to win anything in the first place (for the team ponsei (sp?) tt is), but I'm more disappointed cause we could have if we had train harder.

Our morale was pretty low right from the beginning because we just couldn't coordinate at all at first, and it only start to get slightly better at the last 2 training. We keep telling ourselves we are screwed, we can't win (which is actually true based on our performance during normal training), so I guess you can call it a self-fulfulling prophecy. We didn't even have any additional self-training, and we didn't even train that hard during normal training. We did work a little bit harder during the last 2 training, but I guess all was too late.

The sad thing is, the participants for yellow belt is so little as compared to the other belt level. That's why I said the team could have won if we trained harder and believed in ourselves more. I mean 6 choose 4? A minimum bronze could be obtained that easily in yellow belt team ponsei if you compare to white belt (with at least 10 teams) and green belt (with at least 10 teams too), yet at least one team from both HC white and green belt team got into the final 4. The other 2 white and green belt team that didn't get in, well it's not cause of lack of effort, it's simply cause competition is too fierce.

Though we didn't walk away with anything, I do feel inspired to train harder now...and be more committed to the CCA..looking at the seniors training so hard doesn't mean much to me initially, but after today, I finally see why they do. They basically won all (except one) of the medals to help Hwa Chong clinch the overall second position.

If I attend training religiously every week without fail, and go for all grading and pass them, I should be blue belt by this time next year, and if you come to think of it, you will compete with same batch of people that competed with you this year, because the grading is standardised throughout the nation, so as you increase in level, they should too. Which means, if no accidents or anything take place, competition for me next year should be with the same few people, and when I say few, I do mean few (relatively as compared to other belt larz). It's like 32 yellow belt as opposed to 96 white belts today. I am really inspired to train harder.

But then again, why would we wanna participate in this competition next year? "Remove and do not post any form of explicit negative comments re the competition yest online" I received this sms just now. Since that's the case, I shall be a good boy and remove what I posted yesterday, since it is under the "explicit negative comments" category. But you can read more about it here..there's a rather interesting story there...

But still, competition or not, I am inspired to train harder. The only question is how long will this "inspiration" last. I really hope it can last, at least through my 2 years in HC. My passion for the sports may have increase, but the sense of attachment is still not there. I hate the fact tt TKD and Interact are both such huge CCAs with so many members. I still miss SJAB, esp my squad, being small is actually good, at least I feel like I know everyone. In TKD and Interact, there's just so many people, and I don't even feel like getting to know everyone, especially when I already know quite a lot of people. So I tend to stick with these people, and just don't bother to get to know the people I don't know.

Shall stop here, somehow my fingers are acheing too, apart from my leg, which is acheing like mad, I have to spray the "deep heating rub" throughout the competition to allow myself to kick...if not I can't even kick, gotta say that it's very effective though.

Something Stupid

//Something Stupid//

The time is right
Your perfume fills my head
The stars get red
And oh the night's so blue
And then I go and spoil it all
By saying something stupid
Like I love you
- Robbie Williams (Something Stupid)

I have done lots of stupid things lately...in fact, I even amazed myself with the stupids things I did...

I tapped my EZ link, went into the MRT Station, looked at the time, realised I will be late, tapped my EZ link, went out of the MRT Station, and took a cab. Ended up almost late anyway.

I stopped at Outram Park Station, wanting to change to the East-West Line, and guess what, I tapped my card and went out of the station, and spend a good ole 5 minutes to look for the East-West Line, before I finally realised I shouldn't have came out from the MRT barriers. This is like my thousandth times changing trains there, yet it didn't prevent me from doing something dumb.

I was on my way home on the bus. I have zero dollars in my wallet after paying the bus fare. My EZ link is already in the negative. Then I alighted. Walked and walked. 1 minute passed. I realised I stopped at the wrong stop. No, I did not oversleep and missed my stop. I alighted one stop earlier. And it took me 1 minute to realise it. This is my millionth time taking this bus home from school.

Am I dumb or am I dumb?

Typical Week

//Typical Week//

My blog has rotted for a week.

Actually nothing much went on last week, except for my usual mood swings, a Bio SPA that everybody seemed to have screwed up, and a relatively great weekend.

Mood swings. I go to school last week everyday feeling moody (i think it's due to the lack of sleep...) and after a while I will get high for no reason..and the cycle continues when I begin to feel sleepy...

On Thur...I was feeling damn depressed during Bio lecture...well I don't know...I just feel like a loser...and loner...and alone. Lol...damn drama...but actually it's nothing much..I was just walking to audi for Bio lect alone (again)...and I felt as if I have no friends in the class. In the audi, I sat Mitch, Yuming and Hannah were sitting together, wanted to take the seat next to Hannah, but it was sort of dirty, so I left that seat empty and sat alone. When the rest came in, they sat at the row below...which left me literally alone.

To use a really lousy analogy to explain how I felt at that moment...the class is made up of a bunch of molecules...each molecule is made up of a few people...covantly bonded...then all these molecules are held together by weak dispersion forces to form our class. And me, I'm like the inert noble gas...argon or neon or something...not bonded with anyone...and it's exactly what happens every lecture/tutorial...the same few people sits with the same few people...and I always fill in whatever empty seats I can find...

I mean I'm perfectly ok with it, and I think it's normal to want to sit with certain people, and I totally get that, and I'm not bothered by it at all usually...and outside of lecture and tutorials and stuff, I do think I have friends whom I can really talk to in the class, and friends that I can hang out with...but I just happen to be not picky about who I sit with during lectures and tutorial usually. ...but that Thursday morning...I got super depressed about it...how weird...and to make it more weird, I got damn high after receiving back the Chem paper (which I failed by the way) after Bio lecture...

Oh, let me digress a bit...it's really great to have people to talk to...people who I can be totally at ease with and just talk about whatever is on my mind, not hiding or censoring anything. So to ever and mitch...it was a great talk last Tue after comm serve...I always feel much happier after talking...

The screwed up Bio SPA. Shan't mention much since I think there are still people who have not done it. It's simple, yet I can be stupid enough to miss out a step in the instructions. So an advice to the people out there going for your make-up SPA next week, read EVERY SINGLE LINE and do EVERY SINGLE THING they asked you to do (like duh)...

Saturday started with PW group meeting, which is rather unproductive...no one is in the mood to work I guess since lessons have already ended...went to NJC Funtasia later...saw Fera and Yingri...they looked happy now...which is good...

The rest of the time from 2+ to 6+ was spent alone at Citylink/Suntec. I was whinning about feeling alone just now, and now I spend the time all by myself. Well I've got 3 options:

1) Rot in school till dance night
2) Go shopping with xin yi, mann ying and pauline
3) Go town myself

I chose 3, cause firstly I am definitely not going to rot in school for 4 hours, and it's kind of awkward to go shopping with them when they are shopping for earings and clothes etc. So I decided to go HMW at Heeren to indulge myself in some nice music to pass time...what a economic way to spend my time. But sadly I have to oversleep and ended up at Cityhall, but I still went to HMW nevertheless, the one at Citylink Mall...

I'm all at sea
Where no one can bother me
I sleep by myself
I drink on my own
I don't speak to nobody
- Jamie Cullum (All At Sea)

It's pretty cool to spend some time on your own out once in a while...especially when you always only go out with your friends...or family or something...it's rather cool to feel totally free, you can go wherever you want, sit and stone for as long as you want, and just be 100% yourself.

Spent quite some time at the HMW at citylink mall listening to the CDs...before meeting the girls for dinner at Taka...I've got to say, music is such a beautiful and special thing...it never...never fails to add colours to my life.

I listened to this song called "First Of May" while sampling this Jap singer's CD....it was a really a beutiful moment..looking at all the people walking past..all looking like they are rushing to somewhere, and there I was, standing there, the only sound in my world is her beautiful voice on that perfect song. I was like totally at peace.

Like a warm drink it seeps into my soul
Please just leave me right here on my own
Later on you could spend some time with me
If you want to, all at sea
- Jamie Cullum (All At Sea)

To me, music isn't just about the music...or the lyrics...it has a lot to do with your mood at that moment too. I remembered there was once in school, I was at the class bench doing my tutorials...listening to the radio, and this song came on, and it totally soothes me..suddenly the tutorial doesn't seem important anymore, the people around me don't seem to exist anymore...and I'm just immersed in the world with that beautiful song...the feeling is beyond words (or rather that feeling is beyond my limited vocabulary)

Sunday began with Mahjong at everlyn's house with mitch and mw. I'm itching to play Mahjong again. lol..Rushed down to Suntec to meet yc and terence with mw after the game. Watched "Over the hedge" which I think is one of the better animated films lately. I always enjoy going out with the 3 of them. We didn't do much yesterday, mw shopped for a pair of slippers...yc and terence tried to get a haircut...but still I enjoyed the company. Good friends are hard to come by....I don't think I will get friends like them from my cca now..since both are my CCAs now are huge....

We were sitting at one of the benches at Citylink mall, observing the people passing by..making comments etc...and yc suddenly said something that I thought was quite interesting...."we are sitting here looking and observing the people walking past...we are being looked at and observed by the people walking past too..." I guess it's true...we often like to talk about so and so doing this...blah blah blah...a lot of times I presume our names appear in other people's convo too...be it good or bad...

It was just great time spent with them sitting at the area near esplanade talking (excluding mw since he left for choir concert)..I never realised how much I enjoy talking to people...and listening to peole talk...

That's how I like my weekends to be...spending it with friends...spending it doing stuff I like like listening to music...instead of facing my com playing Free Cell or Solitaire....

Holidays is coming, and I'm not really excited at the prospects of it. A lot of people seem to be burnt out after 2 terms, and badly wanted this break to recharge. I still feel pretty energised to go on. Maybe I just don't like the fact that 25% of my JC life is gone. After the hols, it would be a busy term 3 with Block test followed by Promos in term 4, and next year would be blocks after blocks and prelims and A lvls...seems like the best time of JC life is over?

A lot of people complained that they hate the sch...they hate their class...they hate to study, but I still think the schooling life would be the best time of my life...and there's still 1.5 years before my schooling life ends and the dreaded NS starts...so I'm just gonna enjoy this really short time...instead of hoping for it to end soon...

I don't want to enter the real and ugly world out there...

Lameness

//Lameness//

In view of the fact that Chemistry test is over, I decided to respond to Wilson's tag now...

Instructions:Name 20 ppl u can think of at the top of your head. Dun read the below questions before you write and tag 5 ppl to do this survey.

1. Wilson (since you tag me)
2. Mitchell
3. Yuming
4. Ying Cheng
5. Ming Wei
6. Terence Heng
7. Everlyn Lee
8. Edmund Neo
9. Zeqi
10. Mann Ying
11. Xin Yi
12. Pauline
13. Sylvia
14. Gwen
15. Yirene
16. Kai Herng
17. Jeremy Goh
18. Ting Feng
19. Yik Hang
20. Denny

How did you meet 14?
(Gwen) Got to know her through Ying Cheng...first few days after we got to know our class I think.

What would you do if u never met 1?
(Wilson) I would still fail my pull-ups I guess...cause no one would be so kind to go do pull up with me everytime and assist me.

What would u do if 20 and 9 dated?
(Denny & Zeqi) I would wish them all the best in their relationship, because there are tonnes of obstacles ahead. I would also suggest them to start a dennyandzeqi.blogspot.com to qie colinandkero.blogspot.com or something...

Did you ever like 19?
(Yik Hang) I wouldn't choose him as my sucessor if I hate him right? So I do like him as a cadet, trainee, new CSM, etc..don't think too much...

Would 6 and 17 make a good couple?
(Terence Heng & Jeremy Goh) I think it's fate that one is 6 and one is 17. But other than apparent reason that both are guys, I just can't see them together even if both are gays or one is a girl...personality clashes...

Describe 3.
(Yuming) Quiet and loud. Super stoned and super high. Very lame and very serious. Extreme/Split personality. He can be super stoned sometimes, yet at other times he can be so loud and high. Loves to drink. Appears lame and stupid sometimes, but damn smart and deep thinker.

Do you think 8 is attractive?
(Edmund Neo) Attractive in a "Maria" kind of way? Then yes.

Say something about 7.
(Everlyn Lee) Noob at everything she does..just like me...She's good at 2 things though. Eat. Sing.

Do you know any of 12's family members?
(Pauline) Never meet before, but I know she's got a Mum...a Dad...a sis...that's all I know.

What's 8's favourite?
(Edmund Neo) Doing Fac Dance on the teacher's table in the class. Self bond in the toilet.

What would u do if 11 confessed that he/she likes u?
(Xin Yi) I would laugh and say "oh i love you too!" -_-

What language does 15 speak?
(Yirene) English, Chinese. Not sure if she speaks any other language though.

Who is 9 going out with?
(Zeqi) Erm, the last time I checked, he's still with 8.

How old is 16 now?
(Kai Herng) 16. I don't think his birthday is over yet, I can't remember when is his birthday in fact!

When was the last time u talked to 13?
(Sylvia) Today, in school. I don't think I talked to her much, she just can't stop laughing...over some weird stuff.

Who's 2's favourite band/ singer?
(Mitchell) Not sure. Kay Siong maybe? I know he loves to hear him sing, he is like Kay Siong's biggest fan or something.

Would you date 4?
(Ying Cheng) If I'm gay? If he's a girl? If I'm a girl? But even if all those are true, the answer is still no. Close friends just don't translate to good dates.

Would u date 7?
(Everlyn Lee) If I'm insane? I think even if I'm insane the answer is still no lorz...lol. Same thing, I don't think good friends will translate to good dates.

Is 15 single?
(Yirene) Not sure, you can ask 4, he may know.

What's 10's last name?
(Mann Ying) Lim. What kind of question is this?

Would u ever be in a serious relationship with 11?
(Xin Yi) No, I would be in a casual relationship with her though. -_-. Sorry, not funny. But MA!! How can have relationship with MA! Though she's not my ma, but her image too motherly for my liking liaoz, plus I'm too penguin for her liking too.

What school does 3 go to?
(Yuming) HCI

Where does 6 live?
(Terence Heng) In his disillusioned little world. Nah..Yishun.

What's your favourite thing about 5?
(Ming Wei) He's forever smiling. He radiates a sense of cheerfulness.

Have you seen 1 naked?
(Wilson) No, don't intend to, never intended to either.

Tag:
Anyone in the class who haven't do it can do it at your own blog or class blog if you want.

First Time

//First Time//

Maths alternative assessment is looming...in fact it's just tomorrow.

It will be the first time for me walking into a test totally unprepared. I missed the first lecture for "Series & Sequences" and ever since, I never really did listen to the lectures, what's the point when you absolutely don't know what the lecturer is talking about?

I never got around to doing any Sequence and Series tutorial myself too...neither have I tried to self-study or understand it too....and all is too late now..

16 hours to the test and I still could not do a single question in the tutorial. I may just create the record of having the lowest Maths grade in the class (yes, it's possible to get lower than 1/25..which equates to 4/100...totally possible for me to "top" that)

I swear Maths will be my upmost priority in the June hols. I swear to do at least at least 5 qns of Maths each day no matter how late I reach home. I swear I will at least get a "C" for Blk test for Maths. (ok..tt's a bit hard..I guess I will be contented with a "E")

And on top of that, from today onwards, I'm going to look into the mirror everyday and say "I love Mathematics. Mathematics is fun!" 10 times a day to psycho myself into believing what a fun subject it is.

You should do that too.

Rejections

//Rejections//

I hate people who cannot handle rejections.

When people say give up, stop trying, it's not going to work, can you at least friggin' respect that person's decision.

It takes 2 hands to clap, so what if you think this way, others may not, it's time to grow up and fucking accept other people's opinion and decision.

I'm not pissed, or depressed or what, just a little freaked out I guess...by the "persistance" shown by some people. Resilience? Zi Qiang Bu Xi? In situation like this, respect is the key. Respect people's decision. Rejection? Big deal. Life goes on.

Dear readers (if any), it's ok if you don't understand the ramblings that I just typed, in fact you shouldn't. If you do, I would freaked out even more. (reading back it sounds like some weird love issues....and this i can assure you...nopz...nothing at all to do with that) Everyone should have their own little private personal space right? I just need to place to vent out this *emotion* (for the lack of a better word) in me...no biggies...life goes on for me too....

I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For

//I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For//

After years of expensive education
A car full of books and anticipation
I'm an expert on Shakespeare and that's a hell of a lot
But the world don't need scholars as much as I thought
- Jamie Cullum (Twentysomething)

I have been slacking the past 2 days. I stuck with Government's policy of "5 Day week" which equates to "No homework" weekend for me too...so I didn't do any work this weekend as usual...and I didn't even go out...stuck at home for full 2 days (ok I did go out for lunch today...and to buy some stationary..but tt don't count right?)...so I've full 2 days to stone at home and think (*gasp..kaysiong got a brain?!? he thinks??!?)...

Sometimes I wonder why do we study so hard...study for tests...do tutorials on time....actually I don't even think I'm working very hard...I mean I still have time to spare...like I can totally don't do work during weekend...I can stay back in school to play bridge everyday...I still have time for TV watching and downloading of shows...apparently mann seems shocked on wed when i told her i'm gonna go home and watch "American Idol"...she asked "you still have time to watch TV?"

To me, I will have the time if I want to do it. I want to watch "American Idol", so I will make time for it. Have I finish my PI at that time? Hell no, but to me, watching "American Idol" is more important to my well-being (lol...hmm..) so I chose to watch "American Idol" rather than do my PI. It's just a matter of whether you can let it go and don't see everything with equal importance. Like right now, my chem tutorial which needs to be done by tomorrow is lying on the table staring at me, but here I am blogging...cause I choose to.

On fri...didn't go for TKD training...instead went back for SJAB training...felt like I have to somehow...ended up sitting in front of blk C and talking with yunsong n meng...and I was telling them how I feel very much at ease with the pace of my life right now...i work hard in sch everyday...i slack at home every night (i've been sleeping at shocking times lately...like 9pm 10pm+...*gasp)..i get enough sleep...i go out during weekends...do something meaningful once a week like going for comm serve...applied for some job attachment that i'm interested in...i don't feel really stressed out by any subjects right now...don't have relationship problems (i mean how can there be relationship problems when there isn't even a relationship to start with)....i admit i'm not coping too well with my maths...but i seriously don't feel too stressed out (maybe i will the day before the test).....

in general i'm a happy boy.

Happy? Ok maybe not a good word...cause there's just something missing from my life...and I just can't pinpoint it...

Admist all the work during weekdays...I hardly have time to think about this kinda stuff...but when I do...it does struck me that my life seems a bit aimless and pointless...which is why I love to keep myself busy with work...it stops my mind from wondering to stuff like this or depressing stuff which i shan't elaborate..

What's the sense of trying hard to find your dreams
Without someone to share it with
Tell me what does it mean?
- Whitney Houston (Run To You)

At first, I did think it may be the void in my love life that is causing this feeling of emptiness...(lol...sounds so wrong...)...afterall...people around me seems to be all getting attached...and they are literally glowing and radiating happiness everyday...(ok..maybe i exaggarated)....Maybe I do need someone who I can share my ups and downs with...someone to occupy my mind when I stone...but "喜欢的人不出现，出现的人不喜欢"....and seriously after really thinking about it, it's not like having that special someone at this point of my life is gonna make that big a difference...I've got friends whom I can talk to...whom I can care for...and friends who can go out and play mahjong with me...so maybe it's not that afterall....

Love ain't the answer, nor is work
The truth elludes me so much it hurts
But I'm still having fun and I guess that's the key
I'm a twentysomething and I'll keep being me
-Jamie Cullum (Twentysomething)

I guess I should really continue to just have fun...and stop thinking so much...a week full of holidays coming up....and no plans made yet...how pathetic....I want mahjong! I want KBox! I want movies! I want bowling! I want pool! Maybe I should go clubbing...lol...ok..maybe not...Let me see...I should be able to go out on Mon after school..Tue maybe but not till too late...Thur after Sports meet...and fri...should start planning my week now...

I love this song by U2...pretty old song I think...but a good song nonetheless...

I have run I have crawled
I have scaled these city walls
These city walls Only to be with you

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
- U2 (I still haven't found what I'm looking for)

.

//.//

fuck my screwedup life.

and i haven't even done my bio/chem/maths/econs tutorial yet...not forgetting my PI which is still non-existent now...

i have a perfect nice little life (looking beyond all the mundance problems like too much tutorials...bad hair...etc)

i don't wanna think about it...i wanna run away from it...be delusional...at least i will be happy...

i m gonna immerse myself in bio/chem/maths/econs tutorial now...keep myself busy...and happy...

.