喜欢寂寞

我喜欢一个人躲在图书馆。
没在读书，只是发发白日梦，思考人生。

我喜欢坐在HSS图书馆三楼靠窗的位子。
没在做tutorial, 只是看看天上的云，看白天和黑夜的交错。

我喜欢寂寞。
不，我喜欢掩饰寂寞。

而图书馆就是掩饰寂寞最好的地方。

印度

大家总是说，人生若是要活得精彩，就应该活在当下，千万不要留有任何遗憾。

当下的我，真的真的非常想去印度走一趟。但最终我还是选择了熟悉的宝岛台湾。朋友的临阵退缩成了我去不成印度的借口。但我想，终究还是要怪我自己过不了自己这一关。

对我来说，一个人的旅行并不孤单寂寞，反而多了份自由和洒脱。但是在一个这么无拘无束的情况下，反而会发现面对真情流露的自己比面对他人来得更艰难。我不需要天天硬逼自己带着笑脸迎人，也不必刻意隐藏心中任何的不悦，但我就是不习惯这样的自己。对我而言，封闭始终比释放来得容易。

我依然非常遗憾这一次无法到印度去，但在我找到勇气面对真实的自己之前，我也只能活在遗憾中。

印度，我一定要在毕业之前征服你。

我回来了

迷路了六个月，我终于回来了。

这一次，我务必要找会我对华文的热忱。

Contented

I haven't felt this carefree (travelling aside) and contented with my life in a long while.

Thanks pancakes. :)

Are You Lost?

I think I am.

Since ORD, I've been to quite a few places, did quite a lot of things, in school, out of school.

But I still feel as lost as ever.

Maybe even more so.

Epic Journey Part 3: Vietnam (Ho Chi Minh City)

Yes, there's finals coming I know. But I'm bored from all the mugging, and inspired by Chi Weng's blog entries on the trip, I decided to continue with my "moment of the day" and "photo of the day" entry for my epic trip.

Day 6: Crossing the road in Vietnam for the first time without getting killed.









For those who went to Vietnam before, you'd know how crazy the roads there are. For those who haven't been to Vietnam, the photos say it all. And for some reason, Chi Weng and I decided to cross the road to go to the centre of the roadabout just to take pictures! That marks the first time we crossed the 6-7 lane roads in Vietnam on our own! Before that, we always tagged behind some locals.

I can only say, I'm glad we are still alive.

Day 7: SB22!



This is a rather interesting day at Cu Chi Tunnel and all that, but seeing the SB22 at the Reunification Palace really amused me. So much for 3G army huh?

Day 8: Cab ride from hell



Last day in Ho Chi Minh, and the two of us were making our way to the train station to catch our 17 hour train ride to Danang. This cab ride is scary on so many different levels. Firstly, the crazy jam makes me really worried that we will miss our train ride. Secondly, the way the bikes just squeezed all around us is really scary too. But the worst has got to the be the taxi meter. It NEVER stopped ticking. I swear my heart is ticking along with the meter. Uber scary.

In the end, a 20 min taxi ride cost us around S$36. And no, the taxi driver didn't cheat our money by going in circles cause I had my map in hand and I was tracking the route he was taking.

Now for the photos of the day...

Day 6: Centre of Attraction (a photo that almost cost our lives)


Day 7: The Mobile Radio Section


Day 8: Signallers at Work! (familiar not?)


There's 2 other rather interesting photos that I want to share, those are the "Word of the Day" for Day 7 and "Quote of the Day" for day 8...

Day 7 Word of the Day: Vietmization


Day 8 (Quote of the Day): Photographers

月亮忘记了

最近看了几米的书「月亮忘记了」，感触很深。几米的画笔，画出了变化无常的美丽，让我体会现实的残酷与幸福的易逝，让我读了有一种莫名的悲伤。其中一句话令我印象深刻。“快乐才刚开始，悲伤却早已潜伏而来。”快乐，就如它的名字一样，真的是来得快也走得快的欢乐。那么短暂的时光，如果不去珍惜，一直认为还有明天，也只会有后悔。

书中也提到“生命中，不断有人离开或进入。于是看见的，看不见了；记得的，遗忘了。生命中，不断地有得到和失落。于是看不见的，看见了；遗忘的，记得了。”它主要的意思是人生变化无常，今天看到的景物，明天可能就不见了，现在坐在你身旁的同学，十年后，回忆只会像一地微微晃动的迷离树影。当你有一天记起往时时，遗忘的，记得了，看不见的，似乎也感觉到了。

I wrote this when I was in secondary 2 as part of a speech I was supposed to make during assembly.

I miss being able to write like that.

Epic Journey Part 2: Cambodia (Phnom Penh)

Studying Biz Law alone in the library is not fun. So I decided to continue with my epic journey journal logs! So for the moment of the day...

Day 4: Staring at the guest book at Tuol Sleng Genocide Museum (S21 Prison) for so so long, not knowing what to pen down...









People familiar with the history of Cambodia, esp the Khmer Rouge should know roughly what happened during that period from 1975 to 1979. However, reading about it, and seeing it is two very different things.

What really moved me about this museum (which used to be the S21 torture prison during the Khmer Rouge) is that it really appeals to the emotions of the visitor. More than just showing pictures and statistics, there were a lot of personal stories of individuals (and their families), who were tortured under the Khmer Rouge, and of people who were working under them. It made me realised that it really didn't matter whose side you are on, everyone suffers.

And of course the gloomy weather that day added to the gloominess of the place.

So yes, I really did sit there, looking at the guest book (for visitors to fill in their thoughts), reading the entries written by other visitors, and finally penning down my thoughts after I spent a long time thinking.

Day 5: Chilling at Number 9 Sister Guesthouse, listening to the rainfall.





As you can see in the pictures, the guesthouse I stayed at in Phnom Penh is on a lake (and it only cost USD$5 per night for 2 people!). And among all the places I went for this trip, Phnom Penh is the only place where I would unsafe going out at night. That's why we decided to just spend the night at our guesthouse.

A banana milkshake, a comfortable chair, a nice movie, light drizzle, that's the perfect combination for a chillax lazy night.

Now for the photos of the day...

Day 4: 背影


Day 5: Chi Weng & Kay Siong on a tuk tuk!

Epic Journey Part 1: Cambodia (Siem Reap)

It's been so so long since I last wrote something in this space. I kind of miss writing, not that I can write very well to start with. I must admit it feels kind of sexy to be typing this entry on my new macbook, it's almost like Julie (from "Julie and Julia") typing her daily blog entries, or Betty (from "Ugly Betty").

But I digress.

I know this is kind of long overdue, and it is kind of weird to be doing this now at this kind of unearthly hours, but I guess that's what 3ams do to people. I thoroughly enjoyed my 23 days trip with chiweng and I though it deserved at least an entry in this space. But learning from my mistake from the Japan trip, which I foolishly assumed that I would be so inspired by the trip that I would immediately blog abt it when I return, I decided to keep travel journal this time round.

There were lots of downtime where we would just sit down, order a drink and chill. These were the best moments for me to consolidate my thoughts and pen them down. Reading those entries now brought me back to the exact moment when I wrote them. Knowing that I would be too lazy to type out all 23 entries, I decided to capture a moment of the day in each entry, so here goes...

Day 1: Sitting down at Khmer Kitchen after a long morning to enjoy some superb Khmer curry



We touched down in Siem Reap around 7am, and we spent most part of the morning walking around exploring the area. Come lunch time, we were both starving, thirsty, and tired (esp with the hot sun). So we were trying to look for a place to eat when we pass by "Khmer Kitchen" and we saw 3 groups of natives inside.

And before I continue, let me just define some of the terms which may be quite confusing. By "natives", I was refering to Singaporeans. Chiweng and I love to people-watch, and our favourite past-time over there was to attempt to identify the nationality of tourists. And being signallers, we came up with this set of codewords so that it won't be THAT obvious that we are talking about them. So...

Natives = Singaporeans
Neighbours = Malaysians
Tom Yum = Thais
Sushi = Japanese
Kim Chi = Koreans
Dim Sum = Hongkees

We were hopeless at guessing what countries the ang mohs were from, so we didn't even bother coming up with codewords for them.

Back to the natives, so we saw a whole bunch of natives inside Khmer Kitchen, we figured the food can't be that bad and we went in. I was glad we did cause the curry was probably one of the best (if not the best) curry I had during the trip (and mind you I had A LOT of curry during the trip).

Day 2: Epic tuna bread lunch on top of Phimeanakas







Angkor Wat was impressive, and the sheer age of the ancient ruins made it such a epic place to have a picnic lunch. I admit the reason why we bought tuna and bread and brought it along was because we were afraid that food prices there would be severely inflated considering it's a major tourist attraction (we were wrong by the way). But since we brought it, we might as well eat it right?

Phimeanakas is one of the tallest temple that can be climbed, and having this tuna with bread lunch on top of it felt...familiar. We were both sweaty and tired by the time we reach the top, and eating that tuna (which is the exact same brand as the one in the combat rations pack) in this kind of condition felt exactly like outfield (less the camou cream). But still, it was a rather nice moment.

Day 3: The ultra durable camera





We decided to rent a bicycle on the third day to explore places that are slightly out of walking distance. As you can see in the picture, all my belongings are in the basket in front. I put my camera right on top for convenience sake because I would stop to take pictures whenever I see something interesting. By now, you should know what happened to the camera. It was a really really hot day and we spotted this aircon coffee joint, so we decided to chill there for a while. On the way there, I probably hit some rocks or something that caused the camera to fly out of the basket (I screamed while it did), it landed right in front of my bicycle, and my bicycle wheel went right over it (that's when I screamed even louder).

Apart from the moment of the day, I also chose a photo of the day for each day. It may be a nice photo taken from a interesting angle, or just a funny photo in general.

Day 1: Watching the day fade away...


Day 2: Kay Siong, Chi Weng, S3, DYS3 & S3 Spec


Day 3: Writing journal at 8th Street Bar

Missing You

After seeing wilson's tweet about the class blog, I decided to pay it a visit...and there's so much I miss about school...

I miss stoning at the class bench.
I miss playing bridge at the class bench, and doing so without getting caught.
I miss the mad run I had to do every morning to make it in time to flag raising.
I miss spending HOURS at the class bench each time after a major exam to decide where we should go.
I miss sleeping at the class bench.
I miss mango madness on fridays (and it's not even that nice)
I miss all the dinners we usually have on fridays, from bukit timah food cetnre to newton circus.
I miss going to comm serve every week (tho I always secretly complain and whine in my heart, I always end up enjoying the time there)
I miss the dinners/sweet talks/old chang kee we had after each comm serve
I miss the mugging sessions all around singapore's food courts.
I miss ponning pointless events like sports meet together, while trying to evade the npccs.
I miss the stayovers and kbox sessions.
I miss all my classmates.

And meeting up with quite a few of platoon mates this couple of days also triggered some memories of my 1.5 years in hell hole too...

I miss eating 6 packs of maggie noddles in 3 days...
I miss doing my tuition work by the window looking into the battalion square
I miss the few dine-ins we had during nights-out (pasta mania...and who can forget the awful jing zhen tou)
I miss eating good food during nights-out with good company.
I miss "meow-ing" my favourite cat.
I miss moobie's moobs.
I miss eating chong pang nasi lemak after each major outfield exercise.
I miss taking afternoon naps, knowing that you have no more activities for the rest of the day.
I miss all the pseudo intelligent talks we tried to have, on topics like pre marital sex.
I miss openly despising our papa sierra.
I miss watching crap tv on a weekday afternoon while doing the duty signaller duty.
I miss garlic chicken balls.
I miss red bean dumpling (shoot me please).
I miss my platoon mates (most of them anyway).

Owe Money

Seeing that CNY is coming (in fact it's CNY now), I decided to try to clear all my debts, and collect back all the money people owe me.

So I called Clarence to collect back some Jap yen he owes me, but he didn't pick up. He smsed me to ask me what's up.

Me:
"Haha..nevermind, wanted to ask if you have ibnaking to transfer the money, cause better not owe over the new year, but Nevermind la"

Chio:
"Ahhhh its ok maybe i return with kh when we meet up? Legend says owe money cannot owe guo nian (only applicable to RMB, NTD, SGD, Rm, as well as currencies of countries that have a population comprising >60% of ethnic chinese) so not applicable to yen dont worryyy!"

Happy CNY and Happy Valentines' Day!

Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough

Now I don't want to lose you
But I don't want to use you
Just to have somebody by my side

And I don't want to hate you
I don't want to take you
But I don't want to be the one to cry

That don't really matter to anyone anymore.
But like a fool I keep losing my place
And I keep seeing you walk through that door

But there's a danger in loving somebody too much
And it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are
Baby, sometimes love just ain't enough

Now I could never change you
I don't want to blame you
Baby you don't have to take the fall

Yes I may have hurt you
but I did not desert you
Maybe I just want to have it all

It makes a sound like thunder it makes me feel like rain
And like a fool who will never see the truth
I keep thinking something's gonna change

And there's a danger in loving somebody too much
And it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are
Baby, sometimes, love just ain't enough
Baby, sometimes, love... it just ain't enough

- Patty Smyth & Don Henley

Growing Up

So I went back to school today, both high school and jc.

As much as I'm still grateful towards some of my teachers for what they've done for me, I'm just not comfortable with seeing them, at least not 1 to 1. To me, they may be that one great teacher, but to them, I'm probably just one of their many students who've graduated. So I don't want to show up unexpectedly, and let the conversation drift into a "so how's life" kind of thing with awkward silences in between. That's why I always prefer to look for teachers when I'm in a group, at least I wouldn't need to be mentally drained to think of ways to keep the conversation going.

But that's beside the point.

So yes, I went back to chinese high, mainly to see my st john juniors (who are so so so much younger than me) train for zone comp. According to jeremy, the trainers are cui (in content knowledge as well as ability to teach). Hence, the trainees are cui.

But yea, unlike him, I wasn't really there to help improve the situation. I always remember when I was a trainer and trainee, I hated it when seniors (who have graduated) come back. Aside from the pressure I get with them around, I just think different people have different training styles, so by having inputs from so many people, it actually makes matters worse. So I went just to take a look and show some moral support.

I must say for that short duration I was there, it really brought back a lot of memories. I must say as a trainee, I was never confident in my own abilities then, but with support from the team mates, a lot of hardwork and some luck, we managed to pulled through, which is why the current batch of comp team reminded me of our batch in a lot of ways. I saw a lot of uncertainty in them, a major lack of confidence, but I also some glimpses of determination and the desire to want to do better. I hope with that, they can go a long way, regardless of the outcome of the competition.

I was much more confident in the position of a trainer than trainee. I really did believe in my ability in teaching and inspiring them. I don't know how much of my long and naggy commentaries (after each case or footdrill procedure) actually went into their head, but I tried to give constructive comments that really help them improve. And it was really far more satisfying seeing the team I trained got champion for national comp, than getting the 2nd runner up myself. So yes, my point is, the trainers are very important too. And I cannot disagree with Jeremy's comments about the trainers from what I see yesterday. Oh well, I can only hope for the best.

And yes, the main reason for me going back school yesterday was for the J1 orientation, which wasn't any of our business actually, but considering how free I am, I went back with some of my classmates.

Seeing the JC1s being so enthusiastic and all that, made me feel...(I won't say old) jealous. There they are, the most exciting and packed 2 years of their life about to commence, and here I am, with those 2 years gone, and possibly the most miserable 2 years of my life over too, I'm looking at a year of working and earning $$ and all that. I am not denying it can be quite an experience depending on the jobs, but it's just all these jobs applications, overseas trips with friends, keeping track of my own accounts, the 21st birthday parties and all that, that make me feel like I'm being pushed into the adulthood, and that I'm actually growing up. No more fun school life, no more oppressive and depressing army life, this is it.

And it is the inevitability of it all that makes it slightly unsettling.

Looking ahead, the year will be all about working, going on trips, and eventually university. But I guess to sum it all up, the year ahead will be all about growing up.

I've lots of growing up to do.

Japan & Taiwan

Wow, it's been quite a while.

So...I'm back from Japan and Taiwan! (though this is like...1 month old news).

The Japan trip was pretty....surreal, looking back now. To quote chuanhan/xinwei who said this on the first day of the trip at changi airport, "when we look back, it will be like a dream".

I still remember chuan han, xinwei and I were like "we're going japan!" every 10 minutes all the way from changi airport to KL airport to Narita airport. We couldn't believe it was actually happening, and for me, it was especially weird, considering I was still in camp 2 days before that. I was like "2 days ago, I was in mandai hill, now, I'm in Japan!"

So 12 days flew by just like that. It was fun...and tiring...considering how early we wake up and how late we sleep, and more importantly, how much we walk! But every moment of it was worth it. I especially love the cold yet sunny weather in Japan, the weather's almost too perfect for me. I will also remember the Japanese people and their impeccable dress sense. And Mt Fuji which looks unreal, I mean seriously, it looks EXACTLY like your postcard pictures.

Then came Taiwan.

Compared to Japan, there was no novelty factor for me, so it didn't feel like a holiday trip as much, it was more like a "going-home" trip to me. Everything around seems so familiar, and I know it's cliche, but it almost felt like I never left 3 years ago. But I'm glad I managed to go to a lot of places I wanted to go the other time but did not have a chance. So admist all the familiarity, there were refreshing stuff too.

I especially enjoyed the day I went to CKS Memorial Hall alone, it felt liberating, especially when I'm standing in Zi You Guang Chang alone, just taking in the sights and enjoying a moment to myself. And finding the North Gate finally was a highlight for me too, cause it was something I read about, and have been wanting to go, so though it may not be spectacular or grand, it was still very satisfying to see it with my own eyes (esp since it's so hard to find). I will also be forever thankful for the you ma ma, you ba ba, zhi qun and meng han's hospitality.

And despite it being my 2nd trip to Taiwan, there are still so many places I want to go! So yes, I will be going Taiwan again...sometime in the distant future...

And I wanted to write about what happened in Jan...my job seeking experience etc, but since it's so late...I shall leave it for another time, when the mood strikes (which is rare nowadays).

Quotes Of The Century

Wanted to blog about my Japan trip before I fly to Taiwan, but really too much things to do and too little time. So I will just post some funny quotes from Japan.

Kai Herng: I'm the neatest in my family.

Chuan Han: Clarence, your mum is very skinny one right?
Clarence: Yea, like me.

Kai Herng: Palette town is Ash's hometown right? From pokemon?
Chuan Han: Pokemon is real huh?

Ok...off to Taiwan!

Goodbye & Hello

//Goodbye & Hello//

跟带给我痛苦的人挥挥手,
我告别了他们所有,
跟那世界,
Say goodbye, say goodbye, say goodbye...
- Tanya Chua (Goodbye & Hello)

141209.

So it's finally over.

Someone once asked me, what's the difference between 2 years in JC and 2 years in NS?

I mean if you ask me to do a point by point comparison, the list of differences would be never ending. But what I answered him was this.

The 2 years in NS is another life altogether. On 15th Dec 2007, my life was put on hold and I was pushed into a brand new life. The scope of things we were expected to do was very different from what we were used to, the structure of the organisation and how things work was very much different too. So, in a lot of ways, we were very much out of our comfort zone. But just like what I always teach my students about Darwin's theory of evolution, when there's a change, we adapt and only the fittest survive.

And survive we did. Some survived the 2 years with the help of endless status-es, others scraped through with sheer willpower, but the main thing is we did it together.

So before I say goodbye to 2 years of my life, which was filled pain and agony (and I do believe enough has been said about all these agony, that I'm not going to waste another entry on it), I want to remember the people, who were my main source of motivation that got me through my 2 years (esp the 1.5 years in mhc).

I admit I felt quite depressed on 6th Nov. And it's not because people are ORD-ing and I have not, neither was it the whole ORD parade atmosphere that got me feeling that way cause I was way too busy doing the PA and getting pissed at Chris Tay to actually feel anything.

But it's the fact that a lot of my friends are leaving, and I felt that I have not done enough to show them that I cared. And contrary to popular belief, I'm so not that kind that will overtly show my care and concern for people. I cannot bring myself to write love letters like wenqin did, and I don't know what to tell them in a sms like chinhua did.

When wenqin and shanglong were leaving, as much as I was telling them to go, I wanted them to linger around a little longer. I know we all have to move on eventually, yet I wanted that moment to last a little longer. This apparant contradiction in emotion, was the whole reason I was feeling down during those few days, and it took me quite a while to get over.

So I hope this little memory lane thing will make up for it.

To Shang Long: My favourite mao mi!

Thanks for meowing when I feel down, and helping me so much outfield.

I will always remember the time when the 2 of us sitting down together at the carpark near the training shed at the Palm House, with lots of mosquitoes and flies flying around. It was the end of the 16 click route march, and they were doing some hasty defense thing, and S3 and CO just dumped the 2 of us there. And we looked at each other and asked ourselves "why are we doing this" for the zillionth time.

I also remember during ATEC stage 2, we were setting up the SQT at the top of Peng Kang Hill. And after setting up the damn SQT (we have to hammer in the pegs using STONES!), we just sat down/lied down and enjoy the breeze and view. That has got to be the best moment for me in any exercises. Away from the highly stressful CP and away from all scrutinising eyes.

To Chi Weng: My fellow S3 signaller!





I find it very amusing how we always sound so serious when we are actually talk about totally senseless stuff. You may be always sleepy outfield, but we still walked together with S3 for almost every single exercise, and you really did help me a lot (like adjusting my antennas and stuff). It was definitely fun working with you.

There are so many moments that I will remember. Like in Wallaby, we were waiting for S3 in the M113 just before the live firing, and we decided to cook our fav red bean dumpling together, then we started cam whoring and taking weird pictures. I also remember during one of the company exercise, we were attached to S2 to cover safety. The 2 of us were stuck at Old Upper Thomson Road for the entire night, and subsquently we had to ferry like 101 casualties in our tiny landrover.

I guess if there's anything I need to thank perk lun for, it was to put the 2 of us together. I admit you are definitely not the best person to work with especially when it comes to manning comms at night (since you are barely awake). However beyond all that, you brought the much needed joy and laughter, by just being yourself, which was very much needed outfield. And your laidback personality balanced out my tensed up and gan chiong personality, so I guess I can say we make a great team. Seagull duracells FTW!

To Iven Peh: My fellow tutor!

I think we spent the most time at the table in our bunks, with you taking one side of the table and me the other, preparing for our tuition. I must admit it was really a very effective time to pass time in camp, esp during lull period. I will never forget in Wallaby, where we had to mann comms in the M113. The sand and dust + heavily distorted comms + roaring engine of the M113 = disaster. But we still made it happen!

To Wen Qin: My source of all panadols and plasters (and food)!

You are definitely the perfect house husband, I mean the broom you bought is probably the best in the entire battalion. And your cupboard is always fully equipped, whenever I need anything in camp, I am sure I can find it in your cupboard. And it's not just in camp, you are also always fully prepared to supply us with anything ranging from socks to heatpacks during outfield.

The 3 days 2 nights in Lancer during ex Nomad is definitely the most physically demanding thing I had to do in my 2 years in NS. And you went through it together with me! You had no idea how proud I was when the 2 of us managed to complete it, and I was really really happy that you lasted all the way, because if you had fall out or what, I probably wouldn't lasted that long too.

To See Kiat: My fellow singer!

I'm glad I manage to find someone with the same interest as me in camp and I will never forget your attempt to hit that whistle note in "Loving You". I will also never forget that cold cold night in Wallaby, where we had to do sentry followed by manning comms, for 4 hours straight. We even had to go trace lines to Alpha since they were not responding at all.

To Joshua: My fellow "ORD-on-141209" mate!

We almost couldn't ORD today cause OC is not around! Thankfully that didn't happen. I will remember the Jeep course days, and also the Ops Bacinent period, where we always take over and hand over to each other at the same tango. And being the RJC smart guy, you always manage to answer any weird tuition question I throw at you.

And the thing I will remember most about you is your work ethics. I remember just before ex VHF in SI, we had to draw a lot of radio stores, and the 2 of us pratically carried all the RTs up to the 5th storey bunk, making a grand total of 7 trips. I was cussing and swearing inside cause there were quite a few people who were not helping at all, but you were just as zen as ever. You defintely left a very deep first impression with that.

To Chin Hua: My essays editor!

You effectively went through 7-8 drafts of all the essays I have written so far for UCAS and PSC. (and more to come!) I really cannot thank you enough for that, and it's not just the editting, but all the conversations we had about applying overseas, applying scholarships, and what I want to do in general. You have no idea how jealous I am of you because you are so sure of what you want in life. But I guess some people just take longer to figure this out, and well some people lived their entire life without knowing it, so I'm happy for you.

To Shaun Lim: My favourite moobies to grab!

I really hated your guts initially, for quite some time too. But something just happened, maybe you realised or what, and you became a lot easier to get along with. I will always remembe hui hui and jun jun and really, study hard! (my resources are still all free for you to photocopy if you want).

To Kian Hong: My fellow HC schoolmate!

There were 5 of us! Then Aaron went 21 SA, then Yen Shan went Brunei, and Robert went airforce! I really also need to thank you tremendously for helping me so so much with my UCAS and PSC essay, but more importantly the UCL questionaire. It was so last minute, and you were helping me edit it right up to the last minute before we flew to Brunei. You even met up with me outside just to pass me your KI notes and my editted essay.

To Shaun Yap: My bed buddy!

You may have went to S4 branch, but you are always part of the platoon to me. I will always remember coming back to bunk after SOC training and I'll be zi highing with you about how shiok SOC trainings are. I will always remember you and your admin attire (I cannot really remember when was the last time you wore uniform!), and your countdown chart on your cupboard.

To Pang Hua: My fellow cat meow-er!

I will always remember how you always disturb either me, Joshua or Wen Qin at night over your personal problems. Seriously, we have said it to you a lot of times, and I will say it one last time, grow up already! I will never understand your obsession over certain things (and people), but I guess that's what makes you dinstinctly USWO tan pang hua.

To Yong Soon: My fellow SEAH!

Like I wrote in your ORD mag, I am constantly amazed how you will flash this mega watt smile everytime I see you outfield (when I'm like damn shagged already). I will also remember the night up on Mt Biang and our failed attempt at starting a nice sustainable fire. I will also remember your very amusing fishhead curry keychain, and the legendary LuLu.

To Yee Lee: My favourite Line sgt!

"Signal, fall in for lunch, faster faster" x 10 (in an extremely annoying voice). I will never forget that! And who can forget the day you became Cpt Low when you openly f-ck weiliang! And I will always remember how you refused to put down your fieldpack till the entire platoon is back during the 24 click route march. I was impressed!

To Wilson: My BSOOOO!

In all honesty, I think you did a great job as a BSO. But more importantly, I think you were great as a PC. It wasn't easy being our PC, with us being so independent to the extent that we don't really like to take instructions sometimes. Yet somehow, we managed to went through all exercises together, so kudos for that!

So this is it.

I don't know how many of those people above will I keep in contact with in years to come, but we had a memorable 2 years, so that's what I will take away with me.

Time can take away a lot of things, but it cannot take away the memories I have of each and every one of them.

Unlike most people, I never imagined myself to be jumping up and down for joy on my ORD day, neither do I expect fireworks or stuff like that, though I did feel a momentary surge of emotion when I saw my pink IC. But I think this is a fitting end.

So on this note, I guess I can officially say goodbye to the 2 years.

我不回头一步一步往前走,
我找回了我的自由,
对这世界,
Say hello, say hello, say hello...
-Tanya Chua (Goodbye & Hello)

New life, new jobs, infinite possibilities (wow, sounds like the SAF ad!)

Japan and Taiwan awaits me! Can't wait!!

My Sister's Keeper

//My Sister's Keeper//

In view of the recent events, I have been thinking a lot about the meaning of life, dealing with deaths and so on. And I think this movie pretty much sums up my thoughts of these issues.

Can't remember the exact quote, but Anna said something along this line, "I wish something good came out from her death, like they named a street after her, or they changed the law for her, but no, it didn't happen, she's gone and life goes on." I like how real the movie is when it comes to dealing with the issue of death.

I didn't cry like most of my friends did, but I think it's definitely a movie that's more than just entertainment, and for me, there's no better time to watch this movie than now. It's a fitting end to a lot of stuff that has been happening lately.

Time to move on.

Noodles

//Noodles//

I realised I'm happier in camp lately.

I mean...given the fact the freedom is nearing, of course I would feel happier.

I guess the most obvious sign of my relatively better mood in camp would be the pack of "Mee Sedap" in my cupboard. It's been there for....weeks? Almost a month I think?

That's to say I have not cooked and eat noodles in camp for that long. The last time I cooked noodles was the night before I passed my SOC (so peeps, I strongly recommend all to eat noodles the night before any SOC test, it helps!)

Compared to the days where I used to eat 6 packet of noodles in 3 days just to vent my frustrations, I think I can confidently conclude that life is not as f-ed up as it used to be.

At least for now.

On a separate note, my backache seems rather bad this time round. Maybe it's not that bad, but it seems like it's here to stay, and not some fleeting back muscle ache.

来不及

//来不及//

过期杂志上登着
太多早逝青春
路人的嘴里
全是对别人生命的揣测
-陈珊妮 (来不及)

We never quite realised how fragile life is.

I think I need to re-evaluate my priorities in life.

Transition

//Transition//

It's been almost 2 months since I wrote something in this space. Been busy with quite some stuff during the weekends, with tuition mainly and stuff like the 2 overseas trip right after I ORD.

September was a pretty hectic month in camp, I still remember us lamenting on how bad the month of September would be after we first saw the training programme, with SOC test and 10 click run on the same day, and SOCs and ACCTs back to back , and let's not forget the highlight of the month, which is the 24 click route march followed by the 32 click route march.

So, we bitched, we whined, but we still made it through September in one piece, just like how we surviced through the past 15 months together in this hell hole. In a way, every month was a struggle. Life always look bleak at the start of the month when the training programme first came out, but when it's all over, there's always a feeling of "that's not so bad afterall". But seriously, I cannot even imagine how I can make it through the past 16 months without the people around me. Granted we are not perfect, and most of them annoy me sometimes with some of the things they do (and I'm sure I'm much of an annoyance with my...antics), but they are my source of motivation for pressing on a lot of times. But more importantly, they brought the much needed laughter and joy to the camp, making camp life more tolerable.

I still remember there was a time where almost every entry in this space was about how pathetic my life is in this camp, so much so that I decided to stop blogging about life in camp. And now I'm left with just 2 months here. I won't say time flies, cause well it didn't, like I say every month was a struggle.

But despite the misery this place has brought me, I had this weird sensation when I booked in on Monday night. It was kind of the same feeling I got when I booked out for the first time after I enlist, that feeling I got when I stepped into my house. So as I was walking up the slope into the mustering square that Monday night, I can say I almost felt a little happy. But of course that feeling didn't last too long when retarded things happen as usual come Tues morning and the entire week that follows.

I know it's crazy to feel this way, but I can't say I'm too surprise. As ORD approaches, I guess there's a change in mindset for a lot of people. I was telling my favorite mao mi/shang long (MEOW!) that I'm little apprenhensive about ORD-ing. I told him I'm so used to the current pace of life, the company (and I don't mean support company) I have and I'm so used to having things that are out of my control.

Right now, when life sucks, I can blame the whole world for it, blame the people up there for planning f-ed up training programme, blame my superiors (esp a meatball lookalike) for being bastards. I have the right to do that cause I didn't choose to be here, I didn't choose to serve this 2 years. It's all out of my control.

But come 14th dec, I choose what I want to do (or at least to a very large degree I have the choice). I can't blame anyone anymore. But more importantly, come 14th Dec, there's gonna be a huge degree of uncertainty in life, it's no longer be all planned out for me like how the past 2 years has been.

And any form of uncertainty is definitely unsettling.

And I guess I'm not the only one feeling this way. seekiat was talking to me about this a couple of days ago, and I guess we're kind of on the same page with regards to this. I told him for the past 2 years, we focused so much energy on counting down to our ORD, and on bitching about our current state, that we didn't spend enough energy on worrying about what to do after ORD.

That's not to say we don't have plans after ORD, I'm sure we all have holidays planned, and a rough idea what jobs we are seeking and what we are going to study. It's just that we didn't devote too much of our energy on mentally preparing ourselves for life after ORD. 2 years of communal living and having no control over your life is very very different from 2 years in JC. I guess any transition is not going to be easy.

With all that being said, I still look forward to ORD, and I'm definitely happy about it.

But before that, I just need to get used to the idea of holding a pink ic rather than a green one.

And get used to not having the extremely annoying yet wonderfully entertaining and amazing platoon around me 24/7.

I told shanglong (MEOW!) that I would devote an entry in this space to all the people that mattered to me in the 1.5 years in mhc, citing an encounter or experience that I share with each of them that I found most memorable. I actually kind of have the list in mind already, just waiting for a better time to post it.